So this is it, isn't it.
Yes, that's right, I'm Ms. Sweetie. The only Miss in the first few batches of Misters. Like the one girl Smurf. You know, women make up more than half the world's population. You've got to admit that just one token female character is messed up.
You've got questions? Well, so do I. Yeah, I don't really know where we come from here. Most of us don't. Our memories get confused… especially with the tweaking. Most of us have had to be tweaked from time to time. I suspect some of my brothers might have your answers, but I couldn't tell you which.
Did I start off human? Did I have a life before becoming a Little Mister - well, a Little Miss, in my case? I don't know. I don't remember. Rather, I guess I should say I have a lot of memories. Many of them don't actually match with each other. I remember three different fifteenth birthdays, one of which was a quinceañera. I don't show up in any missing persons database - I checked. Maybe this isn't my original face. Or my original body. In fact, in at least one of my sets of memories, I'm male. Some nights I stay awake and wonder if that's who I really am - some guy in his mid-twenties who got snatched off the street and reworked into some sick person's wet dream of a female. Incidentally, my chromosomes don't come up either XX or XY. Maybe all I am is a production error.
I do know that the Wondertainment people have tried majorly tweaking my personality at least three times, probably more that they made me forget. "Rebellious", one of them called me. "Problem". Won't stick to the theme, they said. Not sweet or girly enough to be Ms. Sweetie, which is a bit unfair if you ask me.
Superpower. Huh. Yeah, I don't think of them as 'superpowers'. They're my … nature, if you will. I'll admit my nature is a little creepy. Though it's not as bad as my first edition, where I was a person made up entirely of sweets and sugary confections rather than flesh and blood. I had health problems like you wouldn't believe. I could still feel pain and get sick, except every virus affected me in new and exciting and truly disgusting ways. After one accident where I vomited sugar-plum pudding for two weeks solid, the Wondertainment people scrapped that nature altogether. Made me flesh and blood again. Now, I'm basically just like a normal human, except that everyone who sees me loves me. Whether it's platonic, romantic, or more like the love you have for a pet or… the other definitions of love… that's up to the person. Which hasn't always worked out so well for me.
That isn't the only way I'm 'sweet'. I've always had a compassionate streak a mile wide. I'm a really caring person, more than I should be - it's kind of embarrassing, actually. I remember that I used to get some flack for it… and I think I can trust that memory, because I don't think Wondertainment would implant a memory that contradicts my "theme". Unless they're cleverer than I think, playing a bit of reverse psychology on me… But I sincerely doubt they're that smart. You know, during one of their "tweaks" they actually tried to make me stupid. What does that tell you, eh? I haven't forgiven them for that. If there's a single person behind the Dr. Wondertainment moniker, you can bet that person has a penis.
I don't mind the name Ms. Sweetie as much as you might think, by the way. It's… iconic. Kind of a lame icon as icons go, but in my position, you take what you can get.
Being the only woman on most of the Little Mister lists makes for some interesting dynamics. Several of the other Misters fell in love with me, or at least said they did while also acting like moony teenagers. Like Mr. Mission. And Mr. Storm. And Mr. Feather. And at least half the others who weren't busy seeing me as their mommy. That would be bad enough by itself. Plus, I don't think I'm exactly interested. In men. At all. So when I said 'interesting' I actually meant 'really shitty'.
Did any of that sound harsh? I didn't mean it to. I like them. I really do. I care about them, even. I like them all, even Mr. Stripes. All except…
I still remember. Wondertainment tried to wipe my memory but it wouldn't take, not for this. I like to think it wouldn't help. It's not going to help to explain it, either. No, it wasn't rape. I don't even think Stripes comprehends that idea. It just wouldn't help to explain what happened. You wouldn't understand it anyway. Just remember this — he did it with adoration in his eyes.
I have to find him. I need to get to him before Mr. Stripes, or Mr. Mad, or any of the others.
Not all the others know the specific details. A couple of them know a little bit. Most of the others heard about it, of course. Word gets around. Now, apparently, a whole bunch of them are coming for Mr. Redd. I didn't send them, but when you're the only woman in a roomful of guys, the men either objectify you, put you on a pedestal, or both. Which means that I may as well be Ms. Damsel-In-Distress, and they are all Mr. White-Knights.
Maybe I should tell them I suspect I started off a man. But maybe they'd turn on me too. I remember what Wondertainment did to Mr. Hot when they caught him kissing… No, I'm not going to think about that.
I suppose I can't object too much. It wasn't just me that Mr. Redd hurt. I'm not even sure I was the worst. Just the most public.
But I don't want them to find Mr. Redd. Because I'm not a damsel in distress. As much as Wondertainment has tried to make me that way. The others, they talk about avenging my memory, like I'm dead and gone like some human. Ha. I wish. But they're really just avenging the way I was before - innocent, naive, …stupid. Yeah, I'll never go back to the way I was before, but I'm still here. I don't need their efforts. I'm not just some victim.
I've got plans. Not just the obvious. Sure, I've got the handgun in my pocket, and yeah, I'm gonna at least try to shoot him in the face. Sort of an obligation at this point. But that's just for starters. Being honest, I expect to go down for a while when the endgame starts. I know Mr. Redd. You can't beat him head to head like that. But it'll all unwind by the time it's over. You wouldn't believe the kinds of resources and connections you can pile up when everyone thinks they love you. I wish I could be there when he finally gets taken… Or when he sees my face again, in the containment cell, for hopefully the last time…
I always liked the Foundation, really. There are worse ways to spend the rest of your life.
What was the name of that old poem? From that collection they gave me when they were trying to make me properly feminine? Ah, yes. "Vengeance is sweet."
See, it even fits my theme.
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