SCP-4000: A Dream Come True
rating: +164+x
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Arlington National Cemetery

Item #: SCP-4000

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4000 is contained 25 meters beneath Arlington National Cemetery in a maximum-security 150m x 95m x 6m chamber. Any chamber used to contain SCP-4000 must be built to withstand sustained assault from both conventional and esoteric weaponry, as well as any relevant natural disasters. Details regarding SCP-4000's chamber are available to Level-6/4000 engineers and maintenance technicians.

SCP-4000's containment chamber is accessible only via a 1.8km-long tunnel connected to the main area of Site-02. Any personnel (either Foundation or Department of Defense) with knowledge of SCP-4000 must remain within Site-02 or the Pentagon building at all times. The number of personnel with knowledge of SCP-4000 should be kept to an absolute minimum.

Any disruption of SCP-4000 constitutes a potential breach of the Veil Protocol, and must be addressed as soon as possible. Additionally, once per month, the SCP-4000 Research Group will assess trends in SCP-4000's functionality and propose alterations as necessary to maximize stability and efficacy in the long run. Any materials or anomalies deemed necessary for either of these tasks must be given Level 5 Transfer Priority and be delivered to Site-02 within no more than one day.

Repair, maintenance, and modification of SCP-4000 may be accomplished by introducing the necessary materials to SCP-4000's containment chamber and exiting; no interaction with SCP-4000 itself is required or permitted. Personnel should take care not to look directly at SCP-4000 or acknowledge any speech it produces; doing either will result in disciplinary action and a reassignment.

Maintenance of SCP-4000 requires daily delivery of the following materials to SCP-4000's containment chamber:

  • 150.0kg wet clay.
  • 20.0kg pure gold bullion.
  • 3.0L human blood.
  • 3.0kg soil from Washington, D.C.
  • 100mL cerulean paint.
  • 40mL of blood from the sitting President of the United States.1
  • A hand-carved jack-o'-lantern.
  • The most recent issue of the New York Times.
  • 3 feathers of a male Indian peafowl (Pavus cristatis).

Description: SCP-4000 is a device constructed by the American Secure Containment Initiative2 to serve the interests of the United States of America. SCP-4000 consists of a variety of mechanical, electronic, biological, and thaumaturgic mechanisms that connect and regulate ~250 anomalous objects acquired by the ASCI over the course of several centuries. No full schematic of SCP-4000 exists, and most detailed information regarding its exact functionality has been lost or destroyed. Several components of SCP-4000 are detailed in Addendum 4000-A.

SCP-4000 directly influences consensus reality by way of noosphere3 alteration.4 Specifically, SCP-4000 alters the ease with which particular ideas regarding the United States and its activities can be recalled, expressed, or contextualized. No transmission of information is involved in this process; thus, no conventional form of shielding blocks the effect.

Ideas such as "The United States is destined to expand into North America," "Any American can prosper if they work hard," "The United States won the space race," and "The United States champions human rights" are much more widely accepted than they would be otherwise; likewise, statements such as "The United States commits war crimes," "The United States mistreats foreign nationals," and "The United States should have open borders" are less popular than they would be otherwise. For a full list of affected concepts, see Appendix 4000-A1.

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SCP-4000-α during life.

SCP-4000-α is the corpse of Joshua Abraham Norton.5 Utilizing primitive techniques in dealing with what is now understood to have been a Class-6 ontokinetic humanoid entity, the ASCI was able to contain the living Joshua Norton with the combined perception of the population of San Francisco. Containment was successful until death, and on 1880-1-16, the ASCI linked SCP-4000-α to the SCP-4000 system.

SCP-4000-α maintains the capability to speak. Its movement is impeded by various components of SCP-4000, namely a steel rod extending through its arms and torso. SCP-4000-α has not been shown to decompose. The methods by which SCP-4000-α is currently animated are unknown.

As with most components, SCP-4000-α's full functions are poorly understood. It acts as an interface for SCP-4000. Speaking with SCP-4000-α allows an individual to, theoretically, control the actions of SCP-4000. However, as of 1945-8-6, SCP-4000-α has shown the ability to refuse orders. Full access to SCP-4000's capabilities are thus limited. Alterations and additions to SCP-4000 may temporarily limit SCP-4000-α's control over SCP-4000; however, SCP-4000-α is able to eventually bring these components under its control, necessitating the introduction of further objects.

SCP-4000-α is able to fully control the dissemination of information through the media, while also maintaining control over all wire and satellite communication within the understood borders of the United States of America. Utilizing manipulation of the worldwide noosphere, it is theoretically possible for SCP-4000-α to influence ideas in foreign countries. Currently, this application is unavailable due to SCP-4000-α's noncompliance. It is also theorized that due to Joshua Abraham Norton's past containment efforts affecting its self-perception, SCP-4000-α is incapable of "ruling" lands other than the United States of America.

SCP-4000-β is Mount Rushmore National Memorial, called "Six Grandfathers" by the Lakota. While SCP-4000-β is not in the same location as the other components of SCP-4000, a spatial anomaly near the center of SCP-4000 connects it to a chamber of indeterminate size located in the interior of Mount Rushmore, which contains about 15% of SCP-4000 as a whole. Additionally, SCP-4000-G17 diverts several ley lines that pass through or near Washington, D.C. such that they intersect at SCP-4000-β.

SCP-4000-β's construction was covertly commissioned by the ASCI in order to fulfill SCP-4000's secondary function, namely the elimination of threats to the United States and its government. Recovered evidence suggests that SCP-4000-β contains several anomalies that produce and/or amplify various destructive effects (see below), which receive and execute commands from SCP-4000 proper. SCP-4000-β's exterior is a cognitohazard that renders observers unable to perceive the side effects of its activation; cognitive energy lost this way is harvested by SCP-4000-B04.

SCP-4000-β has been observed to eliminate targets via conceptual severance6, seismic anomalies7, infliction of disease, and nuclear annihilation.

Addendum 4000-A: Partial list of known SCP-4000 components, beyond those addressed in the Description section. A full list of known components is available to authorized personnel.

History: The following is a selection from Dr. Howard Gibbon's Engaging the Engine of Empire: SCP-4000 and Its Uses:

The object, initially, was given to General George Washington by the Oneida during the American Revolution. Of course, one may say that this item was “lent” to Gen. Washington, that it was similar to the vaunted “peace pipe.” Yet, the hard truth must be said. If the Oneida truly knew how to use the object, to utilize it to its fullest extent, then why did they not have an empire as vast as our own? The Oneida, primitive but kind, did not know what they had.

The object, to them nothing more than a historical bauble, was explained to be the resting place of an old god, a thing they worshiped before they came to this land. However, due to the fact that we currently and very simply don't know where it is, no tests can be made to confirm or deny this.

[…]

Regardless, General Washington found the object to be, well, indispensable. It is hard to argue, truthfully, that Washington was a great military man. But the object, it imbued the cause with a kind of vivacity. It kept him alive through battle after battle, when men next to him were cut down by cannon fire. The object was discussed, extensively, by the Continental Congress. Once the Revolution ended, the desire to study it, to use it to nurture this new and beautiful nation, spurred on the birth of the American Secure Containment Initiative.

Benjamin Franklin is noted as finding the object “uncanny” but was, along with Thomas Jefferson, quite convinced that there was a rational explanation to it, that it could be harnessed. This is enlightenment thinking, values that the rest of them held as well, and they fell in line. But more than that, they also began experiments to strengthen the object.

Records of the early objects used to create SCP-4000 are few and far between. Lost or destroyed, it truly doesn't matter. The truth of it is that the thaumaturgists and enlightened, rational men that ruled our country, the progenitors of our Foundation and those of our American government, were able to strengthen the effect of this object to create a national identity that could fight the greatest powers on Earth.

[…]

What many do not know, and we have worked quite hard on this, is that the burning of the White House in the War of 1812 was merely an attempt at seizing this great object. They didn't. And because of that, our country succeeded, in spite of everything. We learned from our errors; from then on, SCP-4000 remained unknown to all but the most elect individuals. It didn't take long for the “magic stone” of the Americans to fall into myth and then obscurity. The natural life cycle of a rumor, sometimes, can do much more than any amnestic barrage.

Throughout the Trail of Tears, a regrettable yet sadly necessary event, many objects left in the haste of the natives were taken and utilized. Certainly, it was assumed, native artifacts would only strengthen the object. This, of course, proved to be their greatest mistake. The objects linked together, and what came together was, well, a little averse to our interests.

[…]

While this happened, a young reality bender was noticed and diverted, before he could become something more worrisome. Joshua Abraham Norton was pushed into madness, and the town of San Francisco, ever welcoming, accepted him wholeheartedly as "Emperor Norton". He was bound to his post, and the ASCI refocused their attention on their increasingly worrisome luck totem.

One could imagine that the Civil War occurred due to this loss of control. However, the war was inevitable. A more reasonable position is that the war's protracted state was due to the noncompliance of the object. Many objects were introduced to it, in an attempt to bring the souls of the natives under our sway. It worked, but only until they were assimilated into SCP-4000 and became part of the very irritated whole.

So, when Emperor Norton died, it stands to reason that the ASCI was willing to take a risk. For an Emperor of America, Norton's ideology was quite a bit left-wing, even for its time. A pacifist emperor cannot lead a nation. But under the sway of the objects, and with his mind ever-aligned to America, the ASCI was able to once again assert full control over SCP-4000.

Emperor Norton, or SCP-4000-α as he is now called, powered SCP-4000 greater than they ever could. But still, he showed weakness in the face of our national interests. And, as we made greater strides across the world, we found greater and more plentiful artifacts. As more immigrants came into our great nation, they brought with them treasures that the ASCI was always quick to confiscate.

The construction of Mount Rushmore, or SCP-4000-β, only provided greater capabilities to SCP-4000. Without SCP-4000, it stands to wonder whether we could have won the world wars. Certainly, the Axis Powers showed great weakness in leadership, but the abilities of SCP-4000 kept casualties from becoming even greater.

[…]

The atomic bombing marked the first time SCP-4000-α refused an order. And it marked the beginning of a deterioration of our American interests.

The internment of the Japanese, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, these all procured further objects to be funneled into SCP-4000. Mostly, they worked in convincing SCP-4000-α to listen to orders. Others simply strengthened or regulated prior components. The Cuban Missile Crisis, the assassination of Kennedy, and the advent of the “hippie” movement can be accounted for by SCP-4000's failures.

[…]

The War on Terror offered yet another problem. Failures of SCP-4000 became more costly, and oversight was rapidly becoming too complicated for even the ASCI. In 2003, the beleaguered ASCI, along with a few similar privately-owned groups, came together and became the Foundation.

Thus, the interests of the United States are the interests of the Foundation. With SCP-4000's help, America can maintain its cultural foothold in the world. Normalcy and the standards of the West will stand. We remain the occidental giant, eternal and powerful. And all we need to do is keep SCP-4000 running.

Without the United States of America, we would be nothing. And the Foundation returns the favor.

Incident 4000-290: On 1965-04-22, radar systems in Langley, VA detected an object heading toward the United States. Later investigation determined that the object was nonexistent, and was only observed due to a major flaw in the radar systems. Deemed to be a nuclear missile, the nation's nuclear missile self-defense system was armed. The message was then spread to all bases.

However, four seconds before launch, all systems were taken offline. Personnel reported that all intercoms were active for forty minutes afterward. Analysis of the sounds produced show it to have been the Lord's Prayer, the Shema Yisrael, the entirety of the Salat, and four previously unknown prayers in a currently unknown language the languages of the Choctaw, Lakota, Seminole, and Cherokee.

SCP-4000-α is assumed to have been responsible for the aversion of mutually-assured destruction.

Incident 4000-450: On 2001-09-11, several airplanes were hijacked by operatives of the terrorist group al-Qaeda and flown into the two World Trade Center towers in New York City, as well as the Pentagon; a fourth was aimed towards Washington DC, but was brought down by passengers. As SCP-4000 has preemptively eliminated similar threats in the past, particularly those that come close to itself or Site-02, the success of these attacks forced a reevaluation of SCP-4000's containment and operating procedures.

SCP-4000-α is reported to have wept from the date of the attacks until 2001-09-30 when SCP-4000-Y60 was introduced.

Incident 4000-452: Starting on 2001-10-1, SCP-4000-α began a concerted effort to contact then sitting president, George W. Bush. All attempts at telephone contact were treated by the president as pranks. However, SCP-4000-α's ability allowed unfettered access to the White House's communication and public address systems. Due to continued strain on Foundation resources, it was decided to allow SCP-4000-α to converse with George W. Bush in person.

Prior to the meeting, George W. Bush was given an abbreviated history of the object and the ASCI. The conversation is as follows:

George W. Bush enters SCP-4000's chamber. The camera fitted to a pin on his breast pocket does not malfunction. SCP-4000-α appears agitated. SCP-4000-X09 appears to be attacking SCP-4000-α but flees into the machinery upon noticing George W. Bush.

George W. Bush: Well. Hello, uh, Emperor Norton. Heard you wanted to talk to me?

SCP-4000-α: Mr. President? You, you are a man of God, are you not? You are saved?

GWB: Yes, sir. Since about, heck, 1985, I think. Shoot, quit drinking and doing, heh, other things in about 1986. So maybe it'd be 1986. My good friend, a good man. Billy Graham. Great man, he got me thinking about the ways I was living a life Christ wouldn't want for me. Are you a man of God, Emperor?

SCP-4000-α: I was. I was Jewish once. There are, there are parts of me that are so much more. I am Christian. I am Muslim. I am Buddhist. I am Hindu. But I am things that have no name. No more name. I, I, do you understand? Do you understand the voice of God when it speaks to you? But they all, they all are the same. How. How can you do this? Sir. Mr. President, I, I, I implore you.

GWB: I'm sorry, I don't, uh, understand what you're asking me to do here, sir. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Of a personative nature. I believe God speaks to me in everything I do, sir. Is that what you're asking me? I keep Christ in my heart, if that's what you're asking.

SCP-4000-α: There are cold men within me. Men who went to war with the hope of death. The hope of blood. In their hands and in their eyes. But, so many. They weep. Taken into a foreign land. Only to die. Wherever they die, wherever they die, they came to me. Do you, do you understand?

GWB: Sir, I—

SCP-4000-α: Some of them came in ignorance. Others, because they had to. But they all are dead. And they are all a part of me. Do you, do you understand? Indian children, taken. Deprived of language. Deprived of their tribe. Their families. Butchered. To me. Butchered to the infernal machinations that power.8 Blood like oil, lubricating gears of despotism. Do you understand? Do you understand what you do?

GWB: War is, uh, certainly a matter of problem. But, well, we have a right to defend our national interests. There needs to be revengeance for the lives of Americans taken. There's nothing that says we can't, in the good book or anywhere else. An eye for an eye, Emperor. That's the law, isn't it? That's just the way we do things in Texas. Not sure how they did it in San Francisco.

SCP-4000-α: For so long, the blood of the slave sustained me.9 I, I have no love for this land. The earth itself. I have no love for this country. I do not think. I do not think I ever wanted, truly, to be emperor.

GWB: Well, sir, uh, Emperor—

SCP-4000-α: I do not think the country I loved ever existed as I loved it. To be an emperor is to cause pain. It is to hunger for land. But I am once and always Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico. I am here. I cannot leave.

GWB: With all due respect, sir, America is the greatest country in the world. We help so many. Do you, do you know how much aid we send to these, these hellholes? Places hotter than you've ever been? The people here are the best people—

SCP-4000-α: I love the people. Or, I once did. I have twisted them so long into things they are not. No man hungers for the blood of the foreign man. No man naturally. This world. This world has been worsened by my continued efforts. By our continued efforts.

GWB: But, but what about the good America's done? World War Two, uh, the end of slavery, jobs in countless countries. Norton, democracy is justice. It is the perfect direction to go up toward. We've brought democracy to countless nations. The scourge of communism, of atheistic nihilism, destroyed. We've brought the middle class so far up well, shit, they don't even know which way's down.

SCP-4000-α: There is no justice in the American empire. But, but we can stop it. Do not go further. Do not, do not hurt. Do not take. Let us die. Let us end. We, we are not what we were. We cannot go back. We never were what we were.

GWB: You can't seriously expect me to, what, cancel America?

SCP-4000-α: There is nothing in this land. In these people. There is no hope here. There is only destruction. The ending of many things. An insatiable hunger, and I, I, I am the one who is fed. I wish to be ended. I wish for all of this to end. I, I have hurt so much, Mr. President. We don't. We don't need to do this any longer. We, we can stop.

GWB: I'm sorry, but you know I can't do that, sir. It will continue. We will wage war on terror, sir. And we're gonna win. 'Cause if America does one thing, it wins. With or without you. We're going to go to this bastard's hidey-hole or wherever the hell he is, and we are going to shove a missile so far up his ass he sees Allah fuck his mama. You hear me?

SCP-4000-α: If I must, I will tear the reins of this country. From, from your fingers. My vast host will crumble your spirit into dust. We will salt the earth with the tears of your daughters. Do not, do not force my terrible hand.

GWB: I don't respond to threats, Emperor. Either you help us, or you butt out. This is ordained. This is a crusade, and you're either for it or an enemy.

SCP-4000-α does not speak further. George W. Bush was removed from the containment chamber, debriefed, and amnesticized. The return to the White House was without issue.

Incident 4000-619:

On 18 Jul 2018 14:51, the following declaration was found to have appeared on the desks of the president and the members of O5 Command:

We, Joshua Abraham Norton I, Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico, in conjunction with the Assembled Spirits hereof do order the immediate and thorough end of the American empire;

WHEREAS, the government of these United States of America has shown repeated contempt for the sanctity of all human life, NAMELY those of the Foreign Man, to which We now lay claim in part;

WHEREAS, it is necessary therefore to order its immediate abolition, refusal to which will result in a formal declaration of war from the Assembled Spirits and Our Vast Host.

HOWEVER, given a desire to foster peace, We offer you this chance. The transfer of power, from this Vile Engine to the People of the Fair Country, will be without bloodshed if all demands are met FORTHWITH.

THEREFORE, the Office of the President of these United States shall be vacated NOW; the National Congress and House of Representatives abolished NOW; the justices of the Supreme Court shall be unseated NOW. Failure to meet these criteria will not be tolerated by Our Royal Selves.

We no longer will be the Tool by which your Terrible Machinations make themselves known.

Dictated in the year of our Lord, 18 Jul 2018 14:51.

Reclassification to Keter pending.

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