INTERVIEWER: Doctor Sarah Serafis
INTERVIEWEE: Doctor Jacob Ducrotay
FOREWORD: The following is a transcript of a post-inspection interview done immediately after the influence of a cognitohazardous effect on Dr. Ducrotay was discovered.
Dr. Serafis: Hello Jacob. How are you doing?
Dr. Ducrotay: Not well. Not well at all, Sarah. I've been cooped up in this room for 5 hours without anyone giving me any information on when I can see 5834 again!
Dr. Serafis: (stifles a chuckle) You really got yourself charmed by an invertebrate, then? That's so unfortunate, you're never gonna live this down.
Dr. Ducrotay: I'm not ashamed. I'd scream it from the mountaintops! I'd paint their visage on the Central Park Tower. I'd-
Dr. Serafis: We'd prefer if you didn't, though. And if that's the case, why didn't you report it?
Dr. Ducrotay: I'm in love, not dumb, Serafis. I knew you'd think that I've been affected by an anomaly.
Dr. Serafis: That's exactly what's happened, though. You've been researching SCP-5834 for a good while now, you know this is exactly what it does.
Dr. Ducrotay: Not to me. What we have is real.
Dr. Serafis: You know it doesn't even have a brain, right? It can't think, and certainly not love.
Dr. Ducrotay: This is a matter of the soul, not the brain.
Dr. Serafis: It breathes through its anus, Jacob.
Dr. Ducrotay: I know, isn't it sophisticated?
(Dr. Serafis sighs and opens an image file on her infopad and sets it in front of Dr. Ducrotay.)
Dr. Serafis: These are the results of your neural scan. Your brain shows clear signs of anomalous alteration. You wrote your thesis on mind-affecting creatures, you know this.
Dr. Ducrotay: Well it's not an exact science now, is it? Scans like this are easily misinterpreted.
Dr. Serafis: (sighs) If you say so. Regardless, I'm gonna have to put you on unpaid leave. You're also gonna have to stay on-site until this blows over. We can't risk yourself running around making yourself look like a crazy person.
Dr. Ducrotay: Very well. At least I'll be close to 5834.
Dr. Serafis: Oh, no. Your access to SCP-5834 has been revoked and you'll be transferred to another project once you're back to normal.
Dr. Ducrotay: What? This is outrageous! A travesty! When has the SCP Foundation become an authoritarian regime? Does love mean nothing anymore? Is-
(Dr. Serafis gets up and walks away)
Dr. Serafis: I need a drink.
[END LOG]