It was a perfectly perfect day at the SCP Foundation's 19th Site. There were anomalous butterflies flying, and laughing personnel catching them in titanium butterfly nets. The Telekill containment chambers were keeping the psychics in check, and all the senior staff were out being cool and handsome. Well… almost all of them.
Dr. Bright was double morose, due to the concrete fact that he'd been stuck in the same D-Class body for over two weeks now. Yes, it was funny the first couple dozen times he popped the eye out, but his pegleg was starting to get sore. Plus, that goddamn parrot wouldn't leave him alone.
"Of all the days to lose the amulet" Bright groused, "It had to be International Talk Like a Pirate Day."
In front of him lay a garage door, looking incredibly conspicuous among the identical rows of offices. The council had tried to stop them from building it, but the new hire had insisted on it. Normally, this would result in being given a fastpass to Keterland, but this had been a special case. A special case for a special detective.
25 cents per day, plus expenses - No case too small.
He sighed, and pulled open the garage door.
Seated inside, busily researching his latest anomalous yo-yo, was the great boy detective. One of the best minor crimebusters on the Foundation payroll. He'd been solving mysteries left and right, going from the "Case of Kondraki's Kaleidoscope" to "The Mystery of the Mischievous Miser's Mansion." His name was Leroy Brown, but they called him Agent Encyclopedia since folks said he was like an encyclopedia that wore sneakers. Several cases had been proposed marking him as an anomaly, but it never produced much.
"Hey there, Jack. I thought you were meeting Rights today to test hyper-lethal napkins?"
"I was… but something came up." Bright slumped his arms. "I need your help. Someone has stolen my amulet, and I don't know who."
"Really?" Encyclopedia dropped his yo-yo in surprise. As it sizzled on the floor, he asked "Are you sure it isn't just misplaced?"
"Positive. I'd just left it in my locker while I changed into this body, and when I came back it was gone. It sucked, since I couldn't do any of the pirate-themed lethal pranks on the new people."
Encyclopedia nodded, gesturing subtly to a shoebox with a coin slot. "Do you have any idea who might've done it?"
"Well…" Bright's non-eyepatched eye closed in thought. "I thought Researcher Meany was giving it some looks the other day. I kicked him out of containment for being Bugs earlier that day."
"Bugs!" Encyclopedia excalimed. "I should've known he was behind this!"
"So, we just have Konny hang out in their clubhouse for a few minutes, then everybody wins?"
"We need proof first, Jack. We need… a confession."
Encyclopedia knew just where to find Bugs. He'd be at his clubhouse with his gang. They called themselves the Tigers, but they should have called them themselves the Skippers, because they always tried to duck responsibility. The Tiger clubhouse was situated in the scenic Site-19 mess hall. Constructed of tables, scrap wood, and dreams, it was the home to Researcher Bugs Meany and his gang of no-canon scientists who didn't abide by the scientific method.
Encyclopedia knocked on the door. For a moment, there was great rustling, and then one Bugs Meany opened the door.
"Ohhh look boys, it's the walking thesaurus!" Bugs exclaimed, sneering. His fellow Tigers jeered from inside the clubhouse.
"Knock it off, Bugs. You know why we're here."
"Why, Agent Dictionary, I have no idea why you're here. We've just been playing cards all afternoon." Bugs' sneer got even wider, if such a thing was possible.
"Where were you on Pirate Day, Bugs?" Encyclopedia asked, crossing his arms.
"Pirate Day? Me and the boys were mess—assisting, that is, with the containment of six-eight-two."
Encyclopedia raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. A couple of us stuck a plank over the pit, to see how he'd react to juniors standing over the glass. Oh, there were results. Boy, did it get steamed. But, Bright came in and cramped our style."
"There were others in line, Bugs." Bright huffed.
"Whatever, Jackwad." The Tigers laughed raucously. "Why d'you want to know?"
"You stole my Amulet!" Bright shouted, his lone eyebrow crossing with displeasure.
"Heh, you wish. After Jack-o'-lantern kicked us out, we hung out in the observation chamber. 'Course when the big lizard got out, we didn't stick around."
Encyclopedia tapped his sneaker. "Where'd you run to, Bugs?"
"We climbed in the rafters. Six-Eight-Two looked at us, but only messily devoured the low-hanging guys. Looked right up at me, then scrambled away."
"That's all we need, Bugs." Encyclopedia nodded at him. "See you around."
"Smell ya later, Spanish-English dictionary." The clubhouse door slammed shut.
Dr. Bright whispered to Encyclopedia as they walked out. "I think he has an ironclad case…"
Encyclopedia shook his head. "Something about his story doesn't add up."
What did Encyclopedia Know?