Act 2, Scene 2:
James: (Crying) But can't they help you in some way?
Butt ghost: There is no cure for butt cancer.
J: But what will I do without you?
BG: James, you've never needed me in the first place
J: What do you mean?
BG: Inside of you lies the power, not me. I'm only a spirit that haunts the posteriors of mammals.
J: I can't let you go.
BG: You already have. (Gestures to the framed photo of James with his arm wrapped around a yield sign.)
J: It's not what you think!
BG: No, it's what I know.
J: But butt ghost…
BG: Shh, don't speak. You've broken my heart enough already.
J: I can't let you go.
BG: You had no trouble letting your other women go!
J: That was years ago, Butt Ghost!
BG: A butt ghost never forgets.
J: You forgot me once.
BG: I had to go soul-searching, James.
J: And what did you find?
BG: I found my spirit place. The air was still and the water was cool. I felt a presence. I turned to look, but no one was there. I was alone. The moon overhead gazed down at my prone body. I felt nothing and everything at once. And that's when I realized, my people need me.
J: Ankle ghost will be fine.
BG: It's not just Ankle Ghost anymore, James, it's the world.
J: What does that even mean?
BG: They're revoking ghost licenses everywhere now.
J: No!
BG: It's true.
J: But what about your estranged relationship with your brother?
BG: Ghost Butt will either have to get out of my way, or join me.
J: How?
BG: James, you know me too well to question my ability in dealing with these issues.
J: Very well. I can only hope you don't fail.
BG: Failure is not an option.
J: Good luck.
BG: Thank you.
J: Here take this. (Passes plunger)
BG: I will not let you down.
J: Goodbye, Butt Ghost. (Salutes)
BG: Goodbye, James. (Flushes)
Something even the loneliest man can relate to, Goodbye Ghost brings us to realize our own mortality and the importance of our relationship with our friends, regardless of corporeality. - Foundation Tribune
Play of the year. Period. - CI Review
Guaranteed to make you both laugh and cry, the Butt Ghost's performance is the best of the the year, if not the century. - Time-anomaly Magazine
What the FUCK is this shit? - O5-7