Foreword: The following document consists of the diary of ████ █. ███████, currently SCP-████-3. Upon recovery, the entire cover of the diary had been covered in black permanent marker, with the exception of several areas arranged into the shape of a stylized bee. Here, each page is listed separately.
Today I bought this diary artsy notebook thing , although I'm not sure why because I thought the cashier at ████████ was cute, okay? Thirty dollars down the fucking drain right there. Also, my uncle's inheritance finally got sorted out. There wasn't a bunch of money, but I did get a fuckton of his stuff afterwards. So much old stuff. Fucking nostalgia.
[IRRELEVANT MONOLOGUE REMOVED]
Still no word from ██████, but it does turn out she has a twin sister, so yeah :D
Weird thing happened when I was looking through Uncle ███'s stuff. [REDACTED] and out of nowhere I get this stinging stuff up and down my arm. When I looked, there were like five puncture marks on my arm. WTF? No sign of anything that could sting me, but I bought a bottle of Raid just in case.
Note to self: find out what that buzzing is. I hate it when you can just barely make out a sound, like that time with the smoke detector. I haven't herd back from the superintendent. The super came over and claimed he couldn't here anything. Cheap fuck just doesn't want to have to fix anything. Probably beecause that would require walking up stairs.
The remainder of the page is filled with a drawing of an extremely rotund man (most likely ████████ █████, the superintendent of Mr. █████'s building). He appears to bee eating several sub sandwiches while exclaiming "im just big boned yo". Notably, he also appears to bee wearing a bumblebee costume.
[IRRELEVANT MONOLOGUE REMOVED] On a side note, I watched a thing in the news today about bees. Apparently, a bunch of them are disappearing and nobody knows why, and now fruit and stuff isn't getting pollenated (implying anybody eats fruit). I'm not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens. But the whole thing is sticking with me somehow. A lot. Beeeeeees :D I'm so crazy.
Buzzing isn't gone yet. If anything, it's louder. The exterminator couldn't here anything either. And I got another prick on my arm when I was digging through the cupboard. Either these are coincidences or I'm beeing paranoid. Ugh.
I've herd of yellow snow, but I wasn't aware that there are entire storms of yellow and black snow.1 How the fuck does that even work. Good thing I got some booze before it hit, because I think the power's out. Party hard!
*sigh*… Why the shit did I move here?
What if bees could come out of a hypothetical situation?
[Nine pages appear to have been removed with scissors]
What if bees were intolerant of hornets?
What if bees were made of smaller bees?
What if bees were made out of BIGGER bees?
What if you picked up a phone and instead of a phone it was bees?
What if there was a photo of bees?
What if there were a bunch of bees on a plane?
What if the dinosaurs were killed by bees?
What if the dinosaurs WERE bees?
What if your Facebook beecomes infested with bees?
What if bees hacked your Facebook?
What if someone wrote on your wall about bees?
What if cats vomited bees?
What if bees could travel through paintings?
What if bees was a science and was subject to bee review?
What if bees are contagious?
What if there was a bee gun?
What if you forgot to reload the bee gun?
What if the computer monitor could produce bees?
What if bees start demanding civil rights?
What if the Magna Carta has been bees the whole time?
What if rabbits swore allegiance to the bees?
What if Chinese bees?
What if Japanese schoolgirl bees?
What if bees were four-dimensional?
What if bees were time-travelers?
What if time travel turns you into bees?
What if time travel requires bees?
What if you could replace explosions with bees?
What if instead of movies there were bees?
What if you could buy bees on the black market?
What if bees are accepted as payment in Hawaii?
What if instead of throwing beeads on Mardi Gras you threw bees?
What if bees wrote a travelogue?
What if the travelogue was just bees?
What if you eloped with bees?
What if you served refreshments to bees?
What if someone mentions bees?
What if bees formed a religion?
What if that religion involved clockwork bees?
What if bees had a polite disagreement?
What if bees were paid to rake leaves?
What if bees were in the guise of a tundra?
What if bees are taking over your dreams?
What if you controlled bees with your dreams?
What if fictional characters happened to bee bees?
What if bees were aliens?
What if bees come from the bee lair beeneath the Earth?
What if bees could blow people up with the blink of an eye?
What if bees were a superhero?
What if you could mail-order bees?
What if the store has a sale on bees?
What if the bees had a gay pride parade?
What if bees went to the parade with no clothes?
What if they accidentally intentionally paved over bees?
What if I accidentally bees?
What if bees could live in any hollow area?
What if bees were secret agents?
What if you and bees had highly different taste in music?
What if plants danced to attract bees?
What if bees swarmed around and stung people?
What if bees are just mad beecause someone cut them off in traffic?
What if bees could disrupt your wifi?
What if bees were replaced with a numerical code?
What if bees resembled bees?
What if bees resembled DIFFERENT bees?
What if bees were exactly like the movie?
What if Poland cannot into bees?
What if each anime was a different color of bee?
What if bees were nocturnal and sucked blood?
What if bees and werewolves were sworn enemies?
What if dogs were unable to perceive bees?
What if bees had subwoofers?
What if nobody realized that the bees had an evil plan?
What if bees were censored by the government?
What if transition metals reacted with bees?
What if bees framed a politician for larceny?
What if bees had ties to organized crime?
What if bees unwittingly morphed into heroin during the full moon?
What if someone wrote a book about bees?
What if bees were computer illiterate?
What if I'm bees?
What if bees misread directions and killed a lemon tree?
What if bees were an accurate description of the concept of the assembly line?
What if Willy Wonka was prepared for bees?
What if bees had fetishes?
What if bees could vibrate through walls and discern motives?
What if bees were put on the No-Fly list?
What if bees were mistakenly put on the Sex Offender registry?
What if bees overran a mental institution?
What if bees had daydreams about becoming lemurs?
What if there was a wiki about bees?
What if Wikipedia was bees?
What if bees killed me mid-sen
The remainder of the last page is an illustration of numerous black specks attacking a stick figure in a room resembling SCP-████-3's apartment. The furniture and background also appear to be made out of small circles similar to those attacking the stick figure. Almost all of the blank space in the illustration has been filled with what are either stylized lightning bolts or the letter "Z".
I locked the door.
March 32 April?
I don't recall, try again later. Bees. BEEEEES.
I ran out of aloe vera, had to use mouthwash. Surprisingly effective, but it still doesn't help with the bleeding. █████ called and we set up a date for 8PM Thursday, which was two hours ago. I'm surprised she could here me over the buzzing. Oh, and the phone was bees.
BEE in hexadecimal is 1646 in decimal form. My favorite number. Who'da thunkit. [DATA EXPUNGED] I don't know why I wrote that. I'm not schizo or anything. Disregard!
The Godfather is on. I think I caught it part way through, where the guy finds bees in his bed. Look at the TV. TV is bees.2
Wednesday Thursday Friday
[A number of small oval shapes are missing from the paper. Small amounts of pollen were found near the edges.]
I tried writing, but then the paper was bees. I'm going to drink a bottle of whiskey and go to bed.
WHAT THE HELL
BEES DO NOT GO THERE
The following page was covered entirely in crushed bees and human blood upon recovery. Removal of the aforementioned tissues revealed that the following had been written on the page.
██████ came over today, and she screamed because of the bees. Now she is bees. I wonder why I'm not bees. Maybe I am? Do bees know they are bees? Yellow.
The snow is mostly gone, and look at the pavement. Pavement is mostly not bees. I'm going to head over to the hospital, see if I can get this mole looked at.
Bees followed me into the car and cut the brakes. God, I might be high. Good thing it was only another mile to the hospital SHUT UP BEES I'M WRITING IN MY DIARY JOURNAL
Go to hospital
hospital is bees. Already, how? I just got here. No, wait, it's just my glasses. My glasses were definitely bees.
I didn't schedule an appointment or anything, but the nurse called a panic team or whatever it is and they ran me to a doctor. How thoughtful, but it's really not an emergency. I really just need them to look at a mole. Except that the mole is bees.
The doctors looked at me and said they didn't see anything wrong. Well, of course there's nothing wrong, except the bees. And the bleeding, but that's to be expected from beestings. They argued for a while, and then sent me away.
I forgot to mention that the bees were eating the doctor. The others were screaming about it for a while, but when bees finished it they calmed down a lot and signed me out.
[Thirty pages are missing.]
I am bees.
[The remaining pages are blank.]
Conclusion: To date, this remains the most accurate account of Incident ████-5, despite its inconsistencies. SCP-████-3 has no recollection of writing in any form of diary, although the handwriting, personal knowledge, and writing style are consistent with those of ████ ███████.
Personnel assigned to containment of SCP-████ are to read this document in its entirety. In the situation that the diary is bees, a modified document will be provided.