The Corncrake Of Destiny
rating: +28+x

Hey, I'm Black Queen Val, what's up?

hiya! i am black queen jazz lets get started!(^_^)

Salutations, sisters. Black Queen Eleanore at your service.

CACK QUEUE WEEN GOBBLEDYGOOK ATE YOUR COMMA!


Baseline

the corncrake of destiny is a small bird that talks very loud. almost like its yelling all the time, really. Records across various timelines confirm his volume as extraordinarily loud. It is also inexplicably knowledgeable in topics of sciences, French cuisine, hand-to-hand combat, multi-dimensional travel, and history; ill-befitting a specimen of its species.

Prerequisites

  • Sentient life seems to be the only requirement. This guy's pretty much everywhere.
  • CACK!
  • Oh, right. The existence of conditions which would allow for birds to naturally evolve on Earth too, sorry.
  • Evidence demonstrating the Corncrake of Destiny being a nearly universal constant is overwhelming, with reported instances numbering in digits too high to note. id be lying if i said he wasnt kinda cute tbh AND HOW!

Utility

Target possesses inside knowledge on Foundation facilities, technologies, and other miscellaneous topics of interest. As mentioned, several observed instances possess the ability to vocalize at a high volume. The potential for weaponization of the target is present but unreliable. he's a whole lot smarter than he looks but its a lil hard to tell He talks pretty loud and doesn't make a lot of sense, but there's a method to the madness. THE STRANGLE FRUIT DOTH GIVE CREDENCE FROM OBTUSTRITUDE!

Vulnerability

GACKLE GRAPES! He is overwhelmingly friendly and amicable to the point of fault, rendering their allegiance easily swayed. It is important to note that he is not swayable with bribes or threats, as they seem to lack the ability to comprehend such methods of negotiations. MALL WART! He's a sucker for gummy worms too.


Instance: Timeline A-001.

Major motion picture star. The instance appears to exist entirely within a cinematic universe within that same timeline, which depicts it as being amicable with a humanoid-avian being. Among the most powerful iteration recorded, as it was observed to destroy an indestructible being with relative ease. Starred in a sequel with mixed reception. Potential for use is minimal. Instance unremarkable. there was a sequel?l Σ(꒪ȏ꒪) CACK HARD IS A NAE SAY OCEANIA TRAY SURE! I agree, it really wasn't that bad. An inferior opinion.

Instance: Timeline B-173.

In Foundation custody. Is kept in an aviary and treated relatively well. It looks like he allowed himself get caught for some reason. Busting him out wouldn't be too hard, but this instance seems to be on pretty good terms with his jailors. A Foundation insider would be quite useful, but his allegiance raises concerns.

Instance: Timeline B-4444.

my source is a lil hazy on what hes up to in this timeline but we know for a fact he saved the world from an alien by voting for a guy with a plant name What Jazz is attempting to convey is that this instance helped sway a major political election for a candidate not in favor of world domination. Wait, how did one vote change that much? Let it suffice to say it was more than one; for he engaged in mass scale electoral fraud, the results of which have caused massive geopolitical effects in the state of Florida. Oh. (・□・; I guess if we need someone to throw an election he's our guy then? HAIL SHRUBBERY! Please leave political leanings out of this.

Instance: Timeline M-1730.

Director of Man Zoo 64. Currently overseeing experiments on the effects of replacing Wilson Wildlife Solutions staff member's blood with tomato paste. ⊙︿⊙ Indeed. How absolutely barbaric. What benefit may this iteration bring us? JUST DO EYEING HIS JOB, CACK! His job is disgusting torture. I feel as if this corncrake isn't going to be of much use, either.

Instance: Timeline- T-3095.

he is a… uh… im not sure how to pronounce it Allow me. "Apex-tier Pluripotent Entity." Can you elaborate? thanks! ok so this time hes a bird god, but they're not called bird gods. something happened and people all got turned into birdbrains. anyway, hes the prince to a planet called nibirdu and has major plans for a conquest. my source isnt too clear on what that means sadly Isn't this the timeline Gobbledygook is from? AND HOW! I do not comprehend why we are observing this inane and obtuse creature. Though it may be knowledgeable, its behavior and unpredictable nature render it a liability. We have compiled a list of multiple instances, none of which appear to possess any use to our cause. I cannot help but feel as if my time is being wasted. SILENCE THINE LIP FLAPPERY! HERR DOCTOR SPANKOFLEX IS MONETARY ARCH AND OF MANY USE! AM TO BE IMPORTANEST MEDICAID BRAAK TASTE AUCTIONEER IN STATE OF MARYLAND! SAY LENT YOUR NOISE HOLE! BEE HOLD, PRANCE OF KNEE BIRD YOU! DOG TORE OF MEAD EYE SENT AND ASH KICKING! CACK!
Fuck. heck

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