I Am Not There, I Did Not Die
rating: +14+x

I promise he won't feel anything.

I've done this tens of times before. Worst-case scenario, what happens to him today would've happened to him in six months. Definitely less painful for him this way, but if you were doing it for his sake you'd take him to Switzerland and let Dignitas take care of that, not me.

They wouldn't let you talk to him after he's dead, though.

Do you have everything you'll need for that, by the way? Cheek scrapes, blood samples…

That's good. You're a lot more committed than a lot of my clients; most of them don't realise what kind of person they have to be to keep their loved ones stuck on this planet for the rest of eternity.

It doesn't have to be, but I mean it as one. Trust me on that.

Not a problem. You're not paying me fifty grand for poor customer service.

You're paying me fifty grand for a mugging gone wrong.

There are two parts to keeping someone on this earth: making them restless in the first place and making sure they can't undo that before you're ready for them to. It's not going to be hard to keep myself anonymous if I get it over and done with quickly, and an armed robbery? Easily violent enough. Both parts taken care of in one fell swoop.

You said he likes jogging in Centennial Park, so that's where I'm going to do it.

Nice place. Going to be a pretty place to haunt, at least.

What do you think'll happen if I get found out?

Sure. Australia doesn't have capital punishment, so the state won't get me for mass murder. But everyone I've taken care of this way — all forty-seven of them — will have plenty of time to find out who I am, and what I had to do with them being the way they are now.

And unless I can break out, there's quite literally no way in Hell I'm going to be able to run from them.

But it's one you can trust. I'm not making you pay any extra, and it's going to last for a lot longer than a year.

Now, any last questions?

Don't tell your son you love him. He'll figure out you're lying soon enough.

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