Experiment Log 261 Ad De
rating: +171+x

Item Record for SCP-261

Please record any and all anomalous items received from SCP-261, along with amount of money entered and item description, using the format below. Mundane items will be made available for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by Site Security.


Money entered:
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered:
Item description:


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Oreos - A package of six standard Oreos, in bright blue wrapping, label in Spanish. No unusual taste.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bag of Jolly Ranchers - Contained both standard flavors of Green Apple and Watermelon, with additional flavors Pomegranate, Loquat, and Blackberry. Current Jolly Ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. Edible.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Spice Bomb" - Small gumball, red and orange banded in color, with packaging in Japanese. Tasted like jalapeño-flavored gum. Extremely spicy. Testing was halted temporarily in order to allow Dr. ██████ to vomit and consume antacids.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Mountain Dew: Hot Pink - Clear plastic bottle, label in English. Carbonated liquid within a brilliant pink color, and proved to be edible, tasting very sweet and tart. Mild sugar high ensued. Flavor identified to be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - Small plastic box containing apparatus similar to heroin kit with small vial of clear liquid, label in unknown language. Found alternative researcher to use it. After injection, subject reported the strong taste of mint, and they smelled constantly of peppermint for the next several hours, apparently coming from sweat and body oils. Subject reported nausea after the first hour or so of this, due to the constant smell and taste.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - USB-capable device similar to a flash drive, packaging marked only with a bar code. When plugged into a computer, the computer ran at twice normal speed and refused to react to mouse or keyboard movement, and appeared to be running several instances of the program Minesweeper at once. Object kept for potential testing with mechanical SCPs.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: <Unknown> - Milk chocolate replica of human male sexual organ, approximately six and a half inches from base to head, in foil wrapping with unknown language resembling Korean on label. Hollow, filled with liquid white chocolate. Edible. Testing concluded.


Money entered: 167 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Doritos- A bag of Doritos chips, nacho cheese flavor.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hershey's with nuts- A regular-sized bar of Hershey's chocolate with nuts. However, the nuts match with no known species.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Green Apple Frosting- A container of green frosting, with a green apple flavor. Currently not produced by any company.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Lay's Blooming Onion: All-dressed- An onion of average size and color. Cutting into shows that it is made of many layers, each a different color and tasting of a different flavor of chips, including some flavors never made by Lay's.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Unknown- A clear plastic package filled with water, with tiny Manta Ray-like creatures swimming in it. Attached to it was a blue tablet in a plastic wrapper. When the top was opened and the tablet was added, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. After the ice block was pulled out of the package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures, frozen solid. Each was described as having a slightly different flavor.


Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Naked Fruit Drink (Berry Flavored) - No unusual properties detected. Packaging in English.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Edible Chess Set - Small edible chess set made from hard candy. Candy similar in taste and texture to Pez, packaging in French.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Human Breast Milk (Chocolate Flavored) - Very sweet. Dr. ██████ reported a sensation of nostalgia. Nothing unusual about the quality of the milk beyond its packaging. Small label in Japanese.
"I think the boob-shaped container was a nice touch." - Dr. ██████

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Build-Your-Own Candybots - A small bag containing various mixed parts that could be assembled in different ways to create tiny, candy robots. Once completed, candy robots began to move on their own for approximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. Very sweet. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: SCP-417 Fruit - Room was evacuated briefly before the item (in airtight packaging) was sent to be incinerated. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Suppository - Item was not used. Tests run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. Packaging in unknown language resembling Greek, complete with diagram of how to use.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bacon Shirt - A simple T-shirt, dark red in color, in plastic packaging, unknown language. A test revealed the shirt to be edible, wearable, and with a taste similar to bacon. No side effects from wearing the shirt, beyond a vague smell of bacon.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Advertising Bottle - A tall bottle of an unknown alloy, with a twist-off top, and filled with a liquid resembling Pepsi Blue. The sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisements featuring an attractive woman while being drank. Object powered down once liquid was fully drained. Advertisements and packaging in unknown language resembling archaic Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Reverse-Temperature Creampuff - A packaged creampuff that grew warmer when exposed to cold, and cooler when exposed to heat. Placing it in the microwave caused frost to form, and putting it in the freezer resulted in it being burning hot. Tasted decent, if a touch stale.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Hyper Chicks" - A small container with a dozen marble-sized white eggs. Packaging with instructions in a variant of Spanish, and translated to microwaving instructions. After thirty seconds on high, the eggs hatched and small, chick-like creatures emerged. These creatures were apparently intended to be eaten alive. The research subject refused, prompting Dr. ██████ to consume three at once. Chewy, and vaguely teriyaki-flavored. The remaining nine are currently being held for testing.

Money entered: 5000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Anti-Matter Can: Small can of unknown material produced, no label beyond a single symbol. Not willing to risk it, object was tested and revealed to contain, through unknown means, a mass of anti-matter. Testing ended.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Thiotimoline cookies - Three chocolate chip cookies in plastic wrapping. Tasting sensations were felt at least three seconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. Packaging in what appears to be an unrecorded dialect of Bambara.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hardtack — A piece of hardtack. Packaging in what was later determined to be heavily Hellenized French written in Greek characters. Item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. Translation revealed the flavor to be turtle soup.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Energy gas — A soap bubble stabilized inside a transparent plastic can. Packaging in English. Instruction are to "pierce a hole an inhale the contained gas." Applying a finger to the bubble will indeed pierce a hole. Inhaling the (lavender-scented) gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanished completely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. Subject complained for several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Hazelnut Glosette — A package of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. Packaging in German. DNA matched that of Iranian Corylus avellana strains. The Hershey Company does not manufacture this product.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Caramelized tarantula spider — A hairy spider 13 inches in legspan covered in hard caramel. Item was not consumed. Identified as an unrecorded Phoneutria member. Test showed highly toxic venom was still present in the glands. Packaging in an unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Sculptural candy — A tube containing a bright orange PlayDoh-like paste, strongly smelling of citrus. Was malleable and gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. Hardening caused subject's fingers to become trapped. Packaging in unrecorded language written in Cyrillic.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Candy cornucopia — A small goat horn-shaped container filled with pralines and nougat. Packaging in French.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Candy hosts — What appeared to be at first a package of 6 large sacred hosts. Turned to out to be flavored and composed almost solely of crystalline sugar. Packaging in Polish.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Dr. Pepper's Amusing Straw! — A straw, which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweetened Dr. Pepper. Straw contained much more liquid than physically possible (approximately the volume of a normal Dr. Pepper bottle). Packaging in Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Geology Aero — An Aero bar twice as thick as the regular, formed of four layers in four different flavors and colors of chocolate: dark, orange, mint and white. The Nestlé company does not manufacture this product. Packaging in German.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Bertie Botts Amusing Everycolor Beans — A package of ca. 24 jellybeans in a variety of bright colors, including mixed and some that are not known to occur on Earth. When eaten, caused the color of all body hair to permanently change to that of the bean. As a result, subjects' hair is now a flat shade of banana yellow and of sky blue. Packaging in English.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Terri's [sic] Chocolate Pumpkin — A pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces. Tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. The Kraft Food Company does not make this product. Packaging in American English.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Fruits of the Loom — A package of three pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. Items confiscated. Current whereabouts unknown.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Sound Bites — Small cookies shaped like onomatopoeia words. When broken or chewed, the items produced the sound corresponding to their text.


Money entered: 10,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Item is a small loaf of round bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. Colorful wrapper bears logo for "Heaven's Shining Auspicious Bakery," with the tag-line, "Made by angles for angles" (sic). Upon consuming the item, subject immediately fell into a comatose state, during which he appeared to be in a constant ecstatic state similar to an orgasm. Subject recovered after fifty minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours, babbling about "gates of pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous hosts of the shattered princess".

Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single kernel of popped kettle corn.

Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Five pieces of a traditional Indonesian snack known as klepon. Item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder and wrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A can labelled 'Ponari Sweat' in blue and white. Some text in Indonesian on the side, claiming that this beverage could 'cure any kind of disease', 'Made in Jombang', 'straight from Ponari's magic stone' and other gimmicky-sounding adverts. Can given to a D-class with prostate cancer for testing. After emptying the can, the D-class was thoroughly examined. Results show that the prostate cancer had disappeared.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A small orange box with a radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. Item moved to a heavy-duty blast chamber and tested extensively. After thorough examination it was found to be harmless and does not exhibit any radiation signs at all. The decision was made to test the object, with all observers other than the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. When subject pressed the button, a bright flash was recorded, and then a small orange mushroom cloud. Subject was unharmed, and after the experiment anyone entering the blast chamber immediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. Subject had to wash continuously for five hours to rid his body of the scent.


Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A styrofoam bowl with a paper lid, labelled "Instant Morioka-Style Reimen: just add hot water." Instructions, written in Japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes, then stir well. Contents of bowl appear to be instant noodles as well as several small capsules of unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. Upon adding hot water, item grew warm for approximately three minutes, then immediately chilled to approximately 5°C. Upon peeling back the cover, noodles were found to be cooked and floating in a cold beef broth. Capsules were missing, and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slices thinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kkakdugi (ponytail radish kimchi), and half a hard boiled egg. Contents were edible. Advertisements on packaging encouraged users to "try our other flavors," including "traditional Korean" and "kimchi mixed"


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Unknown - A sealed paper sleeve of indeterminate chemical makeup and unknown language. Stylized image of what appears to be a 6-legged blue tortoise. Packaging opened to reveal a single large piece of dark dried meat. Taste noted as sweet and spicy, with an unusual texture. Approximately 6 hours after consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatulence. Isolated to quarantine where what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused the prolapse of two-thirds of his digestive tract from either end of his body. Subject died after 5 hours.

Money entered: 750 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Aluminum bottle with screw-top, colorful graphic on the sides indicating flying insects contained within. Testing moved to isolation chamber. Subject opened bottle and was swarmed by highly aggressive insects colored in Red, Blue, Green, and Purple. Subject consumed a number of the insects attempting to sting him on his arms and torso. Flavors primarily sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity. Described as "Similar to PEZ, but not as sweet."

Insects died approximately 9 minutes later and were collected. Agreement in flavor noted throughout all test participants willing to consume insects. Initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin, oozing brightly colored fluid with similar flavor. No further side-effects noted. Lesions appeared to heal normally.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Steel canister with pressure gauge on top, release valve. Label shows brightly colored trisymmetrical lifeforms inhaling psychedelic fumes. Subject unscrews release valve, noting strong smell of bitter almonds before asphyxiating. Contents revealed to be pressurized hydrogen cyanide gas. Testing halted.


Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Rat on a stick. — A fried rat skewered on a thin wooden spike. Southern fried.

Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Applexsplosion. — Object originally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not found in nature, such as purple, orange, and white. However, any physical trauma towards an apple results in it violently exploding and completely saturating the surrounding area in a thick edible paste. Paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all were strictly fruit flavors.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Candy Bullets! — A CZ-75-B 9mm pistol in a partially transparent package. Package was stylised with several graphics depicting smiling persons being shot, labelled in English in stereotypical "New Yorker" slang. The rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy, though completely functional as normal ammunition. Item was fired at the research subject's foot. Besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, subject also noted a heavy taste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. The munition dissolved in the subject's bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. The pistol itself was found to also be completely edible, though much too difficult to chew. Tasted of tutti-frutti.

Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Dimensional Donuts — A brightly colored box of donuts, labeling in Spanish. Donuts possess a small interdimensional anomaly, located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donut is broken. When held sideways, small objects fall out of the hole, the object varying depending on person, donut, and time of day. Items noted include small candies, slices of fruit, jigsaw pieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects of unknown species, and human fingers.


Following test logs from March 9, 2009 were impromptu testing on an unpowered SCP-261 prompted by power loss in the wing that the SCP-261 is kept in during lunchtime. Results are listed as usual.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Blastola Cola. Blue and orange can, with advertisement on the side for "CAPTAIN COMIC XII PRE-RELEASE GIVEAWAY!" No such game exists. Soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. After drinking, subject was seen to belch a puff of what has been described as "cold fire". Subject was uninjured. A workplace safety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered in a thin layer of frost.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Caramel Ramen. Dual language packaging, Japanese and Esperanto. Self-heating filament on bottom typical of Japanese vending machine ramen, built-in spoon. Package contained firm ramen noodles in a thick, sweet caramel sauce. Flavor reported to be excellent.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Pile O' Slugs. A produce box, typical of the sort used to pack strawberries, full of live garden slugs. Label on the lid was hand-written in English. While not consumed, later testing revealed that the slugs contained large amounts of vitamin C, E, and most of the B complex (sans Riboflavin). Also contained large amounts of arsenic.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Unknown name. Aluminum box containing brick of gelatinous green material. When opened, material began to scream. Item was not consumed. When tested later the material had shriveled into a tiny green flake suspended in water, and was capable of emitting a 2 dB whispering noise. All attempts to identify nature of material failed; flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortly after testing began.


Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Cardboard box containing one small rodent, unconscious but alive, covered in spiced bread-crumbs. Autopsy confirms membership in family Muridae but no positive identification of species has been made.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bright yellow, elongated package made of cellophane, resembling a banana peel. Language of label is identified as a combination of Welsh and Spanish, and when translated reads as, "Banana Easier to Open! Making Your Banana Opening Easy!" Package contained a bright yellow food item resembling an unpeeled banana except in color. Chemical testing found higher amounts of fructose and other processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Upon removal of [DATA EXPUNGED] from the object, a Class-D Personnel sampled the object and noted that it was very sweet.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Fried fish patty with mustard filling, similar to a Hot Pocket in packaging and preparation. Package bore the likeness of Muppet character "the Swedish Chef", and with the exception of the instructions and nutritional information (in English) the remainder of the packaging is in unintelligible faux-Swedish with an abundance of umlauts and accent marks. Item was extremely salty.

At this point in the experiment, Dr. ███████ unplugged SCP-261 and asked for the change to be noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Pizza in a Cup", Pepperoni Shrimp Alfredo flavor, with image of Steve Martin from his performance in "The Jerk" on the front. Packaging trilingual, English, Klingon, and Pig Latin. Taste was somewhat unusual, but not unpleasant. Product cooked somewhat unevenly in microwave; bottom of cup was still cold afterward.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Most Horrendously Painful Hangover Ever Candy Shots". Japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band Offspring and tiny, super-deformed likenesses of the band smashing a generic salaryman's head with jackhammers. Candy appeared to be gummi shot glasses full of various solid color gummi. Taste varied from candy to candy, but was generally "extremely sweet". Candy was examined and shown to have no alcoholic content, despite slight flavor that insinuated otherwise. Ingredient list on back listed only "HATRED AND VITRIOL" in English; no other ingredients listed anywhere on package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states that the candy may aggravate dairy allergies.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Small cylinder covered in crosshatching lines of varying configuration; appears to be a form of writing. Bright purple and green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure with what appears to be two mouths. Removing cap produced a sudden gush of gray-violet foam; subject dropped the tube and ran to the chemical wash, stating that it was burning his hands. The foam was found to be acidic, and contain significant amounts of capsaicin. The latter was more responsible for the burning sensation than the former. When analyzed, the foam was shown to contain massive amounts of Riboflavin and B6, but no other B complex vitamins, or other vitamins whatsoever. It did contain trace amounts of arsenic and methane, as well as a few minerals that were currently unknown; unfortunately, the sample was lost when the foam dissolved after several hours.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A plastic very-heavy duty ziploc bag decorated with a picture of a zebra and an unknown language. Contents of bag included an unusually tough and sinewy meat jerky.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small, airtight blue plastic bag, very cold to the touch and labelled in an unknown language. Contents appeared to be several small, shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried. When heated in water they expand to two centimeters in diameter. Spheres appear to be eyeballs of an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purple vessels. The outside was slick and tasteless, but when bitten a large amount of thick purple jelly tasting of watered-down grape juice bursts out. Minutes later, the jelly turned out to cause extremely vivid hallucinations.

Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small cardboard can of “Eetmees”, with the rest of the packaging labelled in French describing the foodstuff as “Irresistibly Good!” and “Undeniably Tasty!”. Can contained five small, three-legged crab-like creatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. When released, they leaped up and down ecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!” in shrill, high-pitched voices. When subject delayed and then refused to eat them, the “Eetmees” attempted to force their way into the subject’s mouth. When chewed, the creatures made "joyous shrieking" sounds, and made "whee" sounds when swallowed.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "FOOD". 18 oz steel can with a pull-tab. Label was all white with the word "FOOD" written in large, black letters. No other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. When opened, can was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. Subjects described the paste as "devoid of any taste", and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical analysis has found the paste to be fat and cholesterol-free and contained all necessary vitamins and minerals, but contained several as-of-yet unidentified chemicals.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "DRINK". 12 oz aluminum drink can. Label is similar to the "Food" can: all white with nothing but the word "DRINK" in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and has a viscosity lower than water. When ingested, subjects became more open to suggestion, becoming more and more subservient the more of the "Drink" was administered almost to the point of having no will of their own. Research into the long-term effects of the "Drink" is being investigated.


Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: BEEF! Aluminum can, similar to a soup can. In formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, although all information or characters were replaced by “BEEF! BEEF! BEEF!” repeated. Can contained pinkish meat, which was revealed to be uncooked beef. No abnormalities detected.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: “Mint Fish”: Plain paper envelope, dual packaging in Russian and Navajo. Package contained unidentifiable light green powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into the shape of a small goldfish, same color as the powder. This wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar to a living fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and slammed against a hard surface several times. Described as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: “TASTE ME”: A transparent plastic box containing a single slice of white cake. No ingredients or information other then the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class-D personnel, who, after consuming the product, immediately went into convulsions, and shortly thereafter collapsed and died. Autopsy showed that the subject had become seven inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%, and that death and seizures were due to expansion of the brain. Analysis of the cake showed large amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals.


Name: Doctor King

Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Single seed. Tests revealed it as apple.

Money entered: 2 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Two seeds, also apple.

Money entered: 3 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three seeds. Apple again.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One thousand apple seeds. Similar tests were undertaken for the remainder of the day, resulting in apple seeds every time. Several complaints were issued against Doctor King, complaining that he had "broken" this SCP. The machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morning by another researcher.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Ladypax". Several small snack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labelled in slightly out-of-date Japanese with an unusual amount of English loanwords. Cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. Consumption by female subject resulted in immediate commencing of that subject's menstruation, despite the fact that it was not due for another week.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Prangles". Item resembles in almost every way a standard tube of Pringles, Sour Cream and Onion flavour. The only difference in appearance is that the mascot on the box has red skin and takes on a vaguely demonic look. Item was given to a Class D subject. Once the lid of the Prangles is unsealed, or "popped", the subject was literally unable to prevent herself from eating the chips continuously. Moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature, as the subject has been eating for several days at time of writing and shows no sign of slowing down. No difference between the chips and normal Pringles was found. This is the second subject to be tested; the first one continued eating even after termination, and the tube had to be forcibly removed from her grasp.

Name: Doctor King
Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three hundred apple seeds. The same product results whenever Doctor King, or an individual who has been asked to do the test for Doctor King, activates the machine. It it as yet unclear why this might be, or whether it may be evidence of sentience on the part of the machine.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: X-treme Chips - Yellow bag with no labeling or nutrition facts save for a gigantic red "X" on the front. Opened cautiously to find nothing more than standard potato chips. Fed chips to D-Class 24045-06, whose voice immediately grew deeper and requested this agent join him in extreme sport activities such as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. Request was denied.

Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Maxwell House Artificial Coffee Drink - 355 ml navy blue can with the Maxwell House Logo prominently displayed on upper half. Lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans. Ingredients listed as water, artificial flavor, and sucrose. 10 calories. Item was bitter and noted to be inferior to instant coffee. Drink is not produced by Maxwell House after product research.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Plain cardboard box with rip-top opening, 5 x 5 x 10 cm, 2.5 kg. No labeling anywhere on packaging. Shaking the box indicated that it was most likely filled with a granular material such as sand or dirt. After relocating object to lab, attempted opening by Class D personnel. Upon pulling of rip-top the apparent expulsion of sand and unfinished diamonds ensued. Object filled lab to a depth of approx. 0.5 m until it exhausted itself. Apparent volume is 50 m3 of material. Shovels, buckets, dump truck, and additional Class D personnel requested for immediate transfer to larger lab for analysis. Box seems normal in dimensions after cursory inspection.


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small paper envelope packaged in an unknown language. Package depicts small laughing children firing model rockets through a small ring. The object inside the envelope was a brown ring made of an indeterminate material, with a diameter of roughly 15 centimeters. A small metal block measuring exactly one cm3 was placed on the examination table, and the ring was lowered over it. The block promptly disappeared. Upon further examination, it was found partially embedded in the room's ceiling. Object appears to accelerate items placed in it.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A red mushroom with blue spots, resembling no other species of fungus. When fed to D24046-19, he claimed to be "[sic] totally tripping balls", and then instructed researchers to "be quiet, my show is on". For a duration of one hour, he was no longer reactant to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughing and crying without correlation to external stimuli. When subject awoke, he stated that he did not exactly recall what he had seen, but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom.

Money entered: 100,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item has been detained and is being tested for sentience. Subject detained for seven days for contamination testing. Both tests turn up negative. Subject released from detainment along with [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item described as "Light, but with a burst of flavor". Subject expressed desires for more and depression when request was denied.

Placing more than 5000 yen in the machine requires formal approval for an experiment test.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A lavishly illustrated menu for "Big Bub's House of Subs". Further investigation revealed that the photographs of the various menu items were flavored like the items they represented. Nutrient content was typical for moderate quality restaurant fare. Item was dry, but not filling.

Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A blue and yellow 500 ml metal can with a screw-on cap, labeled "Dr. Belcher's Magical Flashing Bug Juice". Can contains a carbonated neon green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigo light. Testing reveals no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigo band. No nutrition information printed on the can. Tastes strongly of tangelos. Heavy diuretic effect that lasted several days.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Agent Orange Sherbet: a small, single serving ice cream container, printed in obscure working-class French, with a cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses, giving a thumbs up, and saying "Good enough to die twice for!". Given to D-2348 for testing. Subject took a bite and claimed "tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla cream hint to it, like eating a dreamsicle". Subject later complained of minor back pain, but reported that he was fine the next day.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Mr Q's Cumbersome Soda Bottle: a small, plastic bottle, clear with a minty greenish tint, with an odd stopper in the neck of the bottle. When tilted normally to drink, the cola hits the stopper and won't flow. Through an hour of testing, the stopper is discovered to only to work when the bottle is tilted at a right angle while being rotated from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly. Soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty.

Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 12 oz beverage can of "American Air." Emblazoned with an American flag that circles the can, notably displaying 48 stars instead of 50. A small caption on the back of the can reads as follows: "A real patriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists. A real patriot remembers. Let your love of freedom breathe freely, with American Air™." As expected, the can contains somewhat stale but otherwise normal air.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A size 64 trilby style fedora composed of beef jerky. The object was flattened inside small cardboard box, with nutrition facts and a label reading "Meathat: Teriyaki Fedora," and the catchphrase "You can have your hat, and eat it too!" Consumed without incident, taste described as tough, but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An LP music album composed entirely of hard green sugar, in an airtight green plastic wrap. Packaging in Albanian, with a picture of a cellist and a pianist playing a duet. Playing the album resulted in an unrecognized piano/strings movement, with the LP uncoiling itself as the needle passed. Surprisingly, this did not seem to interfere with the balance of the LP or the phonograph machine in any way. A recording of the music is available on request. The LP was consumed by those attending the presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hard candy.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An olive green plastic bag of dried bay leaves. Packaging in ancient Greek, Delphic dialect, with the phrase "Pythia's Choice™ brand Bay Leaves." Three leaves were fed to subject D-3968. Subject reported loss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns, and seemed to be entering a trancelike state. Upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went into convulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient Greek of the same dialect displayed on the package. Subject continued to convulse for three minutes and twenty-four seconds, then became limp and unresponsive. Subject died two days afterward, with no signs of recovery. Analysis of leaves has shown an extremely high concentration of ethylene, a chemical compound known to cause the observed effects. How the subject spoke Greek is as yet unknown. The translation of the subject's outburst is largely nonsensical, reading [DATA EXPUNGED].

Money entered: 4 mon (coin circa mid-15th century Japan)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting various hiōgi fans. Bound with golden string. Opening the pouch revealed the contents to be little more than dust. Analysis of dust reveals it to consist of dessicated rice, red beans, shrimp and soybeans, originating from approximately the same era as the currency used.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Cylinder labeled "Aunt Annie's Fruity Fibers: Blue Raspberry Beret," packaging text written in English, French, and Hawaiian. Packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors, including "Grape Gloves," "Mint Mittens," and "Cherry Cowl." Contents were one skein of sweet-smelling blue yarn, a pair of knitting needles, and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knitting a simple hat. Sampling the end of the "yarn" proved it to be edible, though described as "chewy and a little dry," with a raspberry flavor. The presiding researcher was able to knit the hat described in the pattern, and reported that the "yarn" behaved similarly to a wool blend.

Money entered: 1 counterfeit 500 yen coin (minted on site, otherwise identical to authentic article), accepted by SCP-261
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: After a delay of approximately 3 seconds, an unmarked, opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. Package contained candies similar to "Gummi Bears," but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers. Item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. Testing revealed candy contained lethal amounts of potassium cyanide.


On 10/09/2009, a sequential experiment with an unpowered SCP-261 was run, attempting to discern just how quickly the machine would start to dispense "bizarre" objects. All vended items were tested via D-class personnel for safety reasons.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A soft drink can labeled "Cokepsi Zero" with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the Coke and Pepsi zero-calorie product labels. D-class personnel reported it to taste like a mix of Coke and Pepsi, and a definite taste of aspartame. Ingredients list on can appear to be a mix of Coke and Pepsi ingredients. No special effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A larger than normal can, the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocery stores. Upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot, melted butter and two stunted corncobs. The can showed no signs of being warm to the touch from the outside. Item was consumed without incident. Butter cooled off normally. Later reports of stomach and bowel pain from D-class personnel prompted termination and autopsy, revealing the presence of popped corn kernels within his gastrointestinal tract.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: An unlabeled object that resembles a mark 2 "pineapple" fragmentation hand grenade. Testing area evacuated as a precaution. D-class personnel sent in to retrieve item under surveillance, expressing concern. Object appeared to be safe. Object was moved to a blast chamber. D-class personnel ordered to remove pin, throw and evacuate, and complies reluctantly. Object explodes in the corner of the blast chamber in a "puff of sugar" and several high velocity fragments. Blast chamber coated in varying amounts of granulated sugar. Metal fragments observed in walls. It was noted that upon entering a taste of sugar could be definitely observed. No harmful effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A 6-inch-long figurine of SCP-682, which upon being removed from the vending machine became animate and started to do an apparent barbershop routine, dancing with a suddenly materializing cane and hat upon the counter. Music came from an unidentified source and resembled a standard barbershop routine, but those present were unable to place the singers. Nearby security personnel opened fire upon the figurine. Bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed into it. Figurine stopped dancing and music ceased after approximately two minutes. Item not consumed, but tests revealed it to be made of caramel. Further chemical analysis revealed that the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and ricin poison. Item also contained intact, expended 9mm JHP rounds, having apparently "healed" the wounds but not removed the bullets. Item disposed of.


Money entered: 10-yen note (minted circa 1943)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Chocolate 5 1/4" Floppy disk, later inspection reveals it to be formatted for the Japanese MSX Computer. Performing a read/write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disk in any way, despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough to melt chocolate. Item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate.

Money entered: 450 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Malinalxochitl's Xocolatl." A small aluminum can, with a label in what appears to be the Aztec language, illustrated with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Meso-American dress smiling and holding up a cup emitting steam. Bottom of can has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid. Tastes faintly of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Philosopher's Figs 'n Honey." A small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek label indicated there was a "special Philosopher prize" inside. Box was separated by a ceramic divide down the center. One half contained honey, and the other half contained several fresh figs. Honey described as "clovery". The prize inside was a miniature marble bust of Plato.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "FairyFairy [sic] Alchemy Coins." A white package of cracker-like medallions, quarter-sized, with alchemical symbols inscribed on their surfaces. Label, which is in Middle English, has a few cartoon fairies waving magic wands over the crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted. D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste and texture to saltines. Other crackers contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury, and lead.

Money entered: 535 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Mandel-Brötchen". While the name would suggest bread, the actual product inside is a set of four dry chocolate cookies in fractal shapes. This fractal pattern is repeated down to the atomic structure of the cookies' surface. A warning on the package states that the cookies must be dipped in water or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat.

Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Turduchoken". Balls of fried turkey, each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candy with a fried chicken center. Labeling describes the product as containing 450% the amount of saturated fat required by an adult human.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Piscina." A soda can packaged by the Coca-Cola Company. English labelling and logo. Nutrition facts note high in Omega 3 fatty acids. Ingredients list fish oils prominently. D-class opened, consumed. Texture of chicken soup, tastes like fresh salmon; verified by researcher. Taste was unusual but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: A cardboard box, 9cm x 9cm x 6cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. Unknown pictographic script similar to Aztec. Opening the box revealed a tooth, full scale, approximately 5 centimeters long. Essentially a jawbreaker; chemical analysis confirms. The 'pulp' of the tooth is a sweet fruit syrup. Aside from shape, not chemically unusual.

Money entered: 5000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: A glass perfume vial filled with artificially flavored human sweat. Chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromones and nutmeg flavoring. Essentially a mild aphrodisiac. No labeling.

Money entered: 10000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: "Drinky Bird." A tin can with no pop-top, with a paper label of an ortolan drinking from a liquor bottle. Contained a fattened ortolan drowned in brandy. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities.

Money entered: 800 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A beeswax hexagonal prism - like a 'cell' in a honeycomb - about 6 cm deep with edges about 3 cm - about the size of a single-serving yogurt cup. The hexagonal surface was stamped with a bas relief of a cartoon bee with Russian text translated to 'Springtime Syrup'. Nutrition facts were on the side. Contained puffed oats, each of which contained a small amount of fresh honey. Eaten by the researcher, with a sample saved for later analysis.

Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A live, hairless, boneless guinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed along the right side in English. Contains unusually high levels of vitamins and minerals. Contains unknown nutritional supplement 'Heliate' with no RDA. After killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove a limb for consumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it contained a green savory custard where its organs would be expected.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Stan-Fizz." Standard-shaped soda can. English text, Coca-Cola bottling company. Green and purple color scheme on the logo, unknown substance 'standis' listed in the ingredients list, in the form of 'Artificial flavor of standis'. Presumably no actual standis in the beverage. Taste reminiscent of grape soda and champagne.

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 state: Unpowered
Item description: A lemon, unpeeled, with no writing. Once peeled, scent was reported to be orange. Edible, though reported as tasting like "watered-down tree bark".

Money entered: 490 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Red plastic container labeled HONOR DUEL. Package contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resembling samurai, one black in coloration, the other red. Upon opening of the package, the "samurai" stood and attacked each other. After a short battle, the black samurai decapitated the red one, gave a cry of victory, and vanished. Subsequent analysis of the red samurai revealed it to be made of rock candy, with a raspberry flavor.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Two (2) Standard Triple-A Batteries, emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols. Otherwise completely normal.


Repeated test of ten trials, with interval of 1 minute between attempts. Coins used were retrieved from a Coca-Cola brand vending machine outside the [DATA EXPUNGED].
Money Entered For Each Vend: 65 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Items vended:
Tests 1-3: Cans of Coca-Cola, with varying Japanese labeling schemes. Contents are chemically identical to current Coke formula.
Test 4: Diet "Koke". The other text on the can is written in a pidgin language apparently derived from Chinese and Japanese.
Test 5: A can of "Coca-Cola Clear". Label glows in the dark, and top of can has a holo-foil advertisement for an unknown animated film.
Test 6: Caramelized coca leaves. Very strong aroma of mint. Class D who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild coca overdose, but no other response.
Test 7: Container shattered upon vending. Appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. Bottle was fully sealed, lacking lid or cap.
Test 8: "Lemony and buttErific Dragon Delite!". An uncooked ear of yellow corn molded into the shape of a Chinese dragon. Microwaving resulted in it "breathing" a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave, causing a fire.
Test 9: "Bottled lightning". An apparently-empty glass bottle that serves as a powerful Leyden jar. The class D who opened it experienced a near-fatal electric shock upon opening. Subject reported "tasting" temperatures for an hour thereafter.
Test 10: A can of "Coa-Cola". The class D used to perform the analysis expired shortly after opening the can. Analysis indicates that the beverage contained carbon monoxide, rather than carbon dioxide.


Money entered: 1500 yen
Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Snapple" - A seemingly normal Granny Smith, with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stem. Further examination revealed the center to be composed of solid tin.

Money entered: 430 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Chūseishi Bēkon", in a plastic bag. Artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushed between two heavy rocks. Bag contains approximately 50 bite-size objects which appear and smell vaguely bacon-like.

Upon one piece being fed to a D-Class, the subject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed onto the floor. Examination of the D-Class's stomach contents revealed that his stomach had become extremely distended and full (approximately 3.9 liters by volume) with cooked bacon.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Apparently a standard Hershey's brand chocolate bar, with the packaging text written backwards, as if reflected in a mirror. The chirality of all amino acids and sugars in the chocolate bar is the opposite of that of Earth-life organic compounds.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Dante's". 750g package of biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. Packaging claims that contents "Taste like Hell!"

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A live crab inside a plastic container. The crab escaped the container and caused a brief altercation before being recaptured. Biology and taste match common Portunus trituberculatus.

Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small, empty plastic blue package with a stylized drop of water. On the back were instructions written in German and Dutch. The directions instructed the user to empty the package above a large bucket containing one liter of water and stir. When the instructions were followed, an additional 0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket. Somewhat bitter.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A medium-sized bag of pretzel bits shaped like gears, springs, rods, and other clockwork components. The package depicts a smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a "Thumbs up" sign. The food itself was salty and difficult to chew.


Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small pill bottle with writing on it in an unknown language. Package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting into a squirming candy rat. Bottle contained ten (10) large pellets. One (1) pellet was given to a lab rat and subsequently eaten. The lab rat then fell asleep, after which all of the rat's tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. Roughly ten minutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to be able to function normally despite all of its tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissues. D-class instructed to eat the rat. Reported that the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance, the blood seemed to be syrup, and bones were made of crystallized sugar. The taste of the candy was normal and as expected, and no adverse effects were reported. Remaining pellets placed in storage for later testing.


Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A small disklike device wrapped in an unknown kind of fabric. Writing on fabric is unrecognizable. Device has a red button on the convex side of the disk. D-class instructed to push button in a blast-proof chamber. When the button was pushed, an audible hum was heard from the device for approximately ten seconds, before the button changed color to blue. The button ceased to function afterwards.

Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: "Saint Patrick Snakeskin Pie." Product name is in English, the labels are in Irish Gaelic. Shrink-wrapped product resembles a small mince pie. Dissection of product showed that the center of the pie was filled with dried and salted snake meat of an unknown species. D-Class consumed product and reported a taste similar to very tough chicken.

Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: A tall pink soda can without a label. Opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding, and inside was a fizzy transparent liquid. D-Class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentally spilled on a table and small round objects grew from the plastic. Analysis indicated the objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians.

Money entered: 1025 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Machine dispensed a cheap-looking flashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. After an hour, during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover its purpose, Dr. █████ accidentally shone the flashlight on a nearby D-Class' face while the red lens was attached. Subject reported a vague taste of cherry. The other lenses were shown to cause tastes of orange, banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. Testing revealed the flashlight and lenses to be ordinary plastic.

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Glass bottle with cork stopper and paper label. Text on label consists mostly of characters in the Armenian alphabet but does not correspond to any identifiable words. Bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol, 45% eel blood (species unidentified), 25% water, with trace amounts of cedarwood resin and lead.

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Cardboard box, dimensions approx. 5 cm x 6 cm x 3 cm. Label in Nahuatl language with a two-color illustration of an unknown breed of dog. Box contains a candied dog fetus.

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: White cellophane envelope. Lettering on envelope reads "Aged meat product" in Gujarat language, phonetically transcribed into Hebrew alphabet. Envelope contains rotten, maggot-infested meat (probably avian in origin).

Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Pull-tab aluminium can labeled "BILLY BEER" and packaged in the same manner as novelty beer product produced by Falls City Brewing Company in the United States in the late 1970s. Can labeling includes the endorsement: "I had this beer brewed just for me. I think it's the best I've ever tasted. And I've tasted a lot. I think you'll like it too. Billy Carter." Can contains a liquid that appears to be beer. Subject consumed some and reported symptoms of mild intoxication for the following 72 hours.

Money entered: 150 "B yen", the military currency used in US-occupied Okinawa from 1948-1958
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce, identical to the same available from the ████████ restaurant chain.

Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A box 7cm on a side that, when opened, played a badly-recorded song while a ballerina statue spun around on a stand within the box. Both the ballerina and the box were made of what was proven to be a liquefied and reconstituted two-patty cheeseburger.

Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A Caesar salad, no lettuce, on an edible soy-based plate.

Money entered: 5 Wadōkaichin (Japanese currency dated to the 8th Century CE)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One bowl of rice, cooked, no utensil.
Note: Contemporary to the time; the bowl was dated to the late first millennium, and chopsticks were not yet commonly used among the poorer classes. SCP-261 appears to be treating the coins at their original value.

Money entered: 45 Wadōkaichin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A plate of higher quality than the previous bowl, containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed of rice.

Money entered: 50 Wadōkaichin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One plate of unknown meat contained within what appears to be an enormous (20 cm x 8 cm) single grain of rice. Meat was tested and confirmed to be fileted [REDACTED] between two and three years of age. DNA analysis showed the [REDACTED] from which the meat came had been genetically optimized by artificial means for purposes of consumption. The technology to accomplish this will not likely be invented this century; however, analysis on the meat and rice confirmed their origin as Japanese.

Money entered: Check (written in kana) for 1000 yen, of same dimensions as currency
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 3 cm by 5 cm slip of cardboard. When on a human's person, they will report tasting milk chocolate until they are relieved of the cardboard.

Money entered: A note, in English, reading "I.O.U. 500 ¥"
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An opened container of "Smartfood" brand white cheddar-flavored popcorn, manufactured by Frito-Lay. Contains remnants of popcorn kernels and powdered cheddar cheese-flavored substance, and a note, reading "I.O.U. 41 popcorn kernels".

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 41 cheese-flavored popcorn kernels, uncontained. Identical to those produced by "Smartfood" brand.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single "zero yen" coin deposited into change return slot. Coin is pressed out of pot metal, reverse face depicts a smiling Ronald McDonald.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Styrofoam cup labelled "Tastee Bird Spicy Lime Snack!!!" containing 2 oz of unknown powder. Instructions are to "fill to line with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes". Upon opening, package contained reconstituted, de-calcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth with celery and cilantro and lime. Described as "zesty, with an odd texture." Nutritional information indicates it contains 300% daily recommended sodium.

Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Stainless steel cylinder 8 cm in diameter x 20 cm with a pull tab, unlabeled but covered in etched logarithmic spirals believed to be writing. Container described as "unusually heavy" and weighed 5.2 kg before opening. D-class personnel instructed to open can in center of testing area. Subject had difficulty pulling tab, necessitating he hold can close to his chest for leverage. Upon opening, observers reported seeing a bright flash discharge straight upward from mouth of cylinder through the face of D-class, who collapsed immediately. Container appears to be a small linear particle accelerator, which releases a stream of charged particles when opened. Testing chamber described as tasting like copper afterwards. Subject expected to make partial recovery but was eliminated to prevent medical expense.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Red aluminum can labelled simply "Stop That" in block letters, intermittent buzzing heard from within can as if coming from a large, angry insect. Subject declined to open container.

Money entered: 666 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A plastic box of "Uncle Nick's" brand "Delicious Sunday Profani-snack". Branding prominently featured a winking cartoon devil as well as pentagrams, inverted crosses, and other occult symbols stereotypically associated with satanism. All text other than the brand name and product name printed in vulgar Latin in a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand-lettering. Back of box prominently featured the slogan "Damnation guaranteed!". Ingredients list included "unholy water" but was otherwise consistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. Box contained thirteen pieces of unleavened bread in the style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red wine with a drinking nozzle. Subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling with a taste reminiscent of very rare steak, and wine as excellent but slightly salty. Subject was placed under observation, but no anomalous behaviour has been reported.

Money entered: 0 yen, in the form of a single "zero yen" coin as dispensed by SCP-261 in an earlier test
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Bag containing full meal of burger, fries, onion rings, and large coke similar to that purchased from ████████, but with all nutritional information and ingredients list censored. Bag given to D-class test subject. Subject reports that meal had absolutely no flavour, a uniformly smooth and uninteresting texture, and did not reduce her hunger at all.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered (power cord had been accidentally pulled out of wall while cleaning up after previous experiment)
Item description: One soft drink can, similar in styling to diet cola, printed in a language later determined to be Denzongkha and to read "SCREAMING [untranslateable] - OPEN CAN ENJOY SCREAMING MEAL". Upon opening, can emitted a painful shrieking noise estimated at 125-130dB for approximately fifteen seconds, during which time subject managed to hold onto the can and reported it growing lighter. When the noise ceased, both subjects present noted that they felt oddly sated, and did not need to eat for the rest of the day.

Money entered: 3000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Item dispensed was a small tan box with the text "Tasty Fetus!" in dark green text. On the box below this text is a picture of a smiling light orange colored fetus. There is more dark green text below the picture that reads, “Now With Shorter Gestational Period!” The back of the box features a three panel comic with three human characters (two females and one male) in a domestic living room setting. In the first panel the female character on the right end of the panel has a speech bubble over her head, reading, “Mom and Dad, I have something to tell you…I’m pregnant.” The second panel shows the shocked faces of the parent characters in the middle of the panel, with a speech bubble over ‘Dad’ reading, “I can’t believe this! Young lady you are in so much trouble-” The daughter character interrupts him and says, “No Dad, it’s just the new Tasty Fetus!™” The final panel begins with the text “Four Weeks Later” and depicts the three characters laughing and making ‘mmm’ noises while consuming an orange fetus-shaped gummy. The fetus is still attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered
Item Description: At first, no object was seen delivered from SCP-261; an investigation of the delivery tray did discover a tiny package roughly 1cm square. Object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed the packaging to be standard cellophane with the word "Nanosnax" on the front in English. The remainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letters corresponding to hexadecimal, though with no known relation to any language. Inside the packaging was a small circular wafer; analysis revealed the wafer to be pure silicon. Wafer and packaging have been retained for further research.
Note: Several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identified as op-codes for the MOS Technology 6502 microprocessor; the remaining hexadecimal numbers have yet to be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor.

Money Entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered
Item Description: "Jelly Joybeans - Assorted Emotions." Packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in English. Contents are an assortment of colored jelly beans. When consumed, subject is overcome with a specific emotional state for 3 - 5 seconds. Initial testing revealed a correlation between bean color and the emotion experienced; red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, green is anger, and purple is jealousy. Analysis revealed several chemicals known to interfere with human neurotransmitters as well as an accellerant.

Money Entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item Description: “Colonel Frosty’s Mystical Ice Bomb!” made by Kraft. Contained in a light blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm. According to the label it was Pomegranate-Grapefruit flavored. Inside the box was a sphere the size of a marble with a small button on the side. The object exuded a reddish-orange gas similar to that of liquid nitrogen, however it felt room temperature to the touch. When subject pressed the button on the side the sphere lighted up brightly before exploding in a cloud of smoke that filled the room. After the smoke cleared it was apparent that every surface in the entire room, all staff present, were coated in a reddish-orange frost. The frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. All conventional means of cleanup failed — the only successful method of removing the frost was through licking. It took a total ██ staff members licking the break room and all staff present during the explosion for an hour before it was clean.

Money Entered: 198 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: A cellophane packet whose label read "Powdered milk with extra spiders - just add water and stir!"; when the contents of the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result was a glass of skim milk containing 85 small live spiders.

Money entered: 2000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Large unlabeled clear plastic canister containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to those used in tabletop gaming. Each numbered side produced a different flavor when tasted, with each denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors. Taste tests performed on a D-6 and a D-20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the latter contained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candy.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Uncle Shifty's Instant Booze Tablets- A small, plastic tube containing five (5) white tablets resembling aspirin tablets. Label on tube depicts a poorly groomed older man holding a flask in his right hand and giving a 'thumbs up' with his left. Discovered that when a tablet is placed in water, it begins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalent in 5% alcohol content beer. Remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis.

Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: A 12-oz aluminum soda can labeled "Yukio Tanaka's Exquisite Ginger Drinking Vinegar" in English. Additional packaging in Basque. Packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavoured vinegar beverage. Testing of the can's contents revealed the liquid to be 12M hydrofluoric acid.

Money entered: 314 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item Description: Two geppei mooncakes with peanut filling, one round and one square, in a transparent package. Further examination revealed that bottoms of both mooncakes have equal areas.

Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: powered
Item description: A single 355mL can of TaB soda. Upon closer examination, tiny grains of sand could be found imbedded in the metal of the can. The liquid within was described as tasting "slightly stale".

Name: Researcher ████████, under direction of Dr. ████████
Date: 2012-██-██

Money entered: 1000 1-yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 5ml round-bottom flask with short neck, capped with rubber stopper, partially filled with grains of a white crystalline solid. Item included a round pair of translucent-purple, plastic forceps wrapped around the spherical body of the flask, kept in place by a plastic wrapper. Packaging labeled in Japanese, translated as “Ball of Boredom”, with English instructions that read as follows, “This is a package for best results using forceps. One, alone can enjoy the best” [sic]. D-20883 instructed to open the container and count the contents using tools included. D-20883 verbally expressed their incredulity at the tedium of the task but complied, counting one thousand (1000) grains of the solid. D-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a time and describe the flavor. Each of the 1000 grains was invariably described by D-20883 as “salty” or some variation thereof, despite requests for more detailed descriptions. When provided with water following the experiment, D-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted “salty”. Subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food or drink, regardless of composition, until their termination. All experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds but only traces of ordinary table salt were found.
Comment: Well, that was boring. - Researcher A███████

Money entered: 1000 1-yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: One (1) white cardboard folding carton, devoid of any labels or identifying information, containing six (6) oversized pharmaceutical blister-packs, (10x6.0x2.0 cm). Blister pack has a single “bubble” containing one (1) grey-brown cookie effigy of Dr. ████████. Each cookie appears to be in the shape of a cartoon scientist with identifiable but comically exaggerated features of Dr. ████████, including his distinct [REDACTED] hair, as well as his [REDACTED] and even [REDACTED] footwear. The foil of the blister packs are printed with a pattern consisting of the name “Dr. Tedious” and the tagline “No Fun for Human Consumption”. Item fed to a Rattus norvegicus, D-class personnel and a research assistant, in that order, (one at a time, with observation periods between tests). No negative effects were observed in any of the subjects. D-class described the cookie as “tasting like [EXPLETIVE]”, while the research assistant described it as “underwhelming, bland and boring.” One (1) cookie opened and submitted for chemical and physical analyses, which failed to detect any unusual compounds or properties.
Comment: They weren't that THAT funny, guys. Dr. ████████

Note: Remaining packs were framed and kept in Dr. ████████’s laboratory for aesthetic/morale purposes. - Researcher A███████

Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One (1) bag of "Doritos Atomic". Bag given to a D-Class after testing failed to show any form of radiation. Upon consumption, the D-Class displayed began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy food and being burnt alive. Reaction lasted for a minute until the subject passed out of dehydration and extreme pain. Later interview revealed that the D-Class was under the sensation that he "was being dunked in burning gasoline" Remaining chips were revealed to contain juice from the Naga Bhut Jolokia (ghost pepper), as well as several unknown compounds presumed to be responsible for the D-Class feeling the external burning sensation.

Comment: I'm requesting one of these chips to see how bodily submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. -Dr. Slav

Money entered: 307 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One (1) vacuum-sealed "bargain bag" containing twelve (12) rolls of "Papaya Shaving Lozenges", with each roll containing 12 lozenges. Rolls are labeled "not for individual resale" and "health warning: do not consume more than one Papaya Shaving Lozenge in a 6-hour period; pregnant or nursing women should not consume Papaya Shaving Lozenges" in English, Hungarian, and Malagasy. Upon consumption of a lozenge, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair; hair subsequently regrew at normal rate. Upon consumption of two lozenges at once, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and loss of hearing. Nosebleeds ceased after two hours; hearing had 50% returned by time of termination. Scalp hair was unaffected.

Money entered: 1999 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One (1) rectangular can of "Instant Party" depicting the face of American singer Prince above the words "Let's get this party started!". Can was opened with a key glued to the side of the can. Upon opening, the song "1999" was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with that of a nightclub. D-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. Effect persisted for 3 hours, after which time the can became inert.

Money entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One (1) Bag of "de-senesced salmon - Just add water!" Bag contained 10 salmon eggs. When water was added, salmon eggs hatched and grew to adulthood in approximately 20 seconds, then proceeded to cook instantly. Salmon meat found to be smoked. D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item: One (1) bottle of "Mr. Mercer's amazing condiment". Bottle found to contain 2 oz of orange paste. When applied to any object, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. This was seen to work on all objects it was tested on, including wood, stone, sand, rotten meat, and brussels sprouts. However, it does not change the composition of the object it is applied to. Bottle sent to lab for testing.
Note: Requesting new D-class personnel due to loss of teeth

Money entered: 1 Keichō era Koban (the gold currency during the Tokugawa period.)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 3 researches and thirty-three (33) 20 pound rice bags. Rice grains reportedly looked "Like someone had picked them out of the mud". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Man'en era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: 280 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 1 researcher and six (6) 20 pound rice bags. Rice reported to still look "dingey". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Hōei era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item: One (1) Packet of "手招き肉" (Beckoning meat) containing six slabs of cooked meat from the Felis Catus. Specifically, the Japanese Bobtail. An illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat being spit-roasted. D-class was initially reluctant to consume object, but was persuaded after 4 minutes by researchers. Upon consumption, D-class personnel reportedly felt "lucky". No other effects noted.


Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One can of Coca-Cola, packaged in English. Label reads, "Now with Extra Sugar!"

Money entered: 7000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item: The hoof of a cow, wrapped in loose cellophane, entered the receptacle, but could not be removed due to size. The item seemed to be attached to a full animal inside SCP-261, and struggling sounds were heard from SCP-261. Upon attempts to open SCP-261, the sound of tearing flesh could be heard, the hoof severed and fell out of the receptacle, and the machine was found to be empty. Analysis reports that the hoof belonged to a regular bos primigenius. Notably contained cream filling in place of bone marrow.


Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One medium-sized cellophane bag with no markings. Bag contained approximately sixty thin strips of lightly seasoned jerky. D-class personnel likened the taste to typical teriyaki-flavored jerky, but reported a stinging sensation in right cheek after swallowing. Subject collapsed after approximately 140 seconds and died immediately afterward. Further examination revealed the jerky to be made of jellyfish, specifically the Box Jellyfish species.

Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One small box of "Nips". Box labeling and description almost identical to the Nestle brand of caramel candies under the same name. Notable differences include the flavor advertised to be "Flesh", and the picture of the candy no longer the typical round shape, but instead shaped similarly to human nipples. Box contained approximately 16 candies, in various shades stemming from pink to brown. Taste was described as similar to pork, texture completely alike to the Nestle brand candies. Analysis revealed candies to be made of [REDACTED], remaining kept for further testing.


Money entered: 1400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: One box containing four 'PEZ' dispensers and twelve blocks of 'PEZ' candy. Heads on the dispensers were modeled after those of former American president Bill Clinton, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, former independent prosecutor Ken Starr, and former Lewinsky confidante Linda Tripp. Candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item: "Dr. College's EasyRam": A small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical "mad scientist" on the top. Packaging in American English. Instructions to add water and heat in microwave for 60 seconds. Result is ramen noodles in what appears to be a low-quality cheese sauce. Taste was "about what you'd expect." Analysis revealed nutritional content to be identical to exactly one third of daily requirements for an average postpubescent male, with large amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids.


Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: "Edimas": An edible miniature Clyster syringe with image of a smiling Asian child. Instructions in American English describing how to administer an enema with said product. Upon testing, was found to not only function as an enema, but also administers a nutrient supplement to the colonal walls. Sent to lab for testing.


Money entered: Precisely half of a 100 yen coin
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: The top half of a standard 354ml (12oz) Coca-Cola can. Can confirmed to be empty. Upon being opened, approximately 177ml (6oz) of liquid, later confirmed to be Coca-Cola, fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on the foot of the D-Class personnel conducting the test.

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