Experiment Log for SCP-447-2
Approved by O5-█
Monitored by O5-█, O5-██, O5-█
Project Head: Dr. A. Clef
All researchers working with SCP-447 are encouraged to append their results to this experiment log in the following format:
Test Subject: SCP-882
Procedure: SCP-447-2 was refined into a lubricant. SCP-882 was temporarily removed from its seawater bath and SCP-447-2 applied as a lubricant to all joints and connections.
Results: Although SCP-447-2 was successful in reducing grinding and noise by 50%, it was also successful in removing rust from the structure. SCP-882 was immediately returned to its seawater bath, and staff on-hand were placed in quarantine for examination.
Notes: "Let's not try that again, shall we?" - Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: One (1) guinea pig, purchased from pet shop.
Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes. Care was taken to keep the subject's head above the level of the fluid, to prevent the death of the test subject.
Results: Subject's fur became saturated with the fluid. Test Item required several hours of grooming to remove SCP-447-2 from its fur. No further deleterious effects reported.
Notes: After careful washing to remove all traces of SCP-447-2 from its fur, subject was subsequently consumed by Agent ███████, who is of Peruvian descent. Agent ███████ reported that the meat was, in his own words, "the best cuye I've ever had." Approval for testing of SCP-447-2 as a marinade is currently on hold pending review of whether or not a steak constitutes a dead body.
Test Subject: One (1) tablet SCP-500
Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes.
Results: In addition to curing all diseases, subject now also leaves the patient's breath feeling minty fresh.
Notes: "About what was expected. Seriously, guys, what were you thinking would happen?" Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: SCP-076-2
Procedure: 500ml of SCP-447-2 was added to 500ml distilled vodka (███████) and two dozen ice cubes, shaken well, and strained into a pitcher. Approximately 0.2 liters of the mixture were poured into a glass with mint and a lime garnish. Mixture was taken to SCP-076-2, who was told, "Hey, Able, try this, it's pretty good."
Results: SCP-076-2 agreed that the mixture was, in his words, "refreshing," but immediately lost interest when told of SCP-447-2's interaction with dead bodies.
Notes: Because of SCP-076-2's tendency to become and/or create dead bodies, further contact with SCP-447 is forbidden.
Test Subject: One (1) Pentium 4 computer: 1.5 ghz, with [DATA EXPUNGED]
Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes, with the power cord unplugged.
Results: Subject became caked in goo and no longer functions.
Notes: "Whoever came up with this one should be kicked in the head." - Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: SCP-063
Procedure: Dr. ████ used SCP-447 instead of toothpaste to brush his teeth with SCP-063
Results: Given that Dr. ████ doesn't need to use toothpaste to begin with, not much, really.
Notes: "What is WITH you people?" - Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: One (1) dead body
Notes: Test was aborted. The scientist who made the proposal has been reassigned as Class D Personnel.
Notes (2): "Seriously, guys, how hard is it to understand? No. Dead. Bodies. None. Nada. Nein! Don't think about it, don't joke about it, and most certainly, don't DO it. Sheesh!" - Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: Dr. A. Clef
Procedure: Dr. A. Clef was ambushed in the hallway, dragged into a room with a bathtub full of SCP-447-2, and immersed for approximately 25 seconds.
Results: Subject became irate, and threatened to kill staff members carrying out the experiment if it were not for the fact that doing so would violate experimental protocol.
Notes: "As soon as this mess is cleaned up you will all be missed." - Dr. A. Clef
Test Subject: Potassium Nitrate/Sugar mix
Procedure: A spoonful of SCP-447 was added to the mix of Potassium Nitrate and Sugar, in order to create a makeshift smoke grenade.
Results: Not only did the new mix slow down the combustion in such a way that the generated smoke was ten times greater and lasted approximately 5 minutes longer than the original mix, but it also colored the smoke with a green tint and left it with a minty smell.
Notes: "Not bad for a three-dollar smoke grenade. Although this wouldn't work so well in the field, the odds of the smoke reaching a dead body are just too high."
Test Subject: Prof. Snider
Procedure: Two drops (1 microlitre each) of SCP-447, one in each of Prof. Snider's eyes (note that Prof. Snider has an astigmatism and normally wears corrective eyewear).
Results: Vision was clear and focused for six hours, though Prof. Snider reported to now see everything in a green tint. Subject's eyesight soon returned to normal, though both eyes are now a much more brilliant green than before.
Notes: "Oh well. I look better with my glasses anyway." -Prof. Snider
Notes (2): "This might be marketable as vision-correction, but people might notice the extra green. Regardless, I'd like to request a couple of litres of this stuff for personal use." - Agent Marr
Test Subject: 8 ounce (236 mL) glass of skim milk
Procedure: Two (2) teaspoons (10 mL) of SCP-447 thoroughly stirred into milk.
Results: Milk turned a bright green in color and was slightly thicker, with a slight minty flavor. Chemical analysis later indicated that the concoction was now lactose-free.
Notes: "You know, we might be able to market this stuff. I'm pretty sure dead bodies don't drink milk." -Prof. Snider
Test Subject: 15 lbs. (6.8 kg) quick-dry cement
Procedure: Cement powder and 5 gallons (19 liters) of SCP-447 rotated inside a standard miniature cement mixer.
Results: Mixture took on a green tinge and solidified to a hardness 50% greater than normal concrete, though it took twice as long to dry.
Notes: "It seems promising, but it's time-consuming to make and the risks of a dead body falling on a slab of this stuff is too high." -Prof. Snider
Test Subject: Two (2) cups of water (475 mL)
Procedure: One (1) tablespoon (15 mL) of SCP-447-2 thoroughly stirred into water.
Results: Water turned a green tint but is otherwise normal. Contaminants reduced by 78%
Notes: "This would make a good chlorine substitute for swimming pools; all the cleanliness of chlorinated water without the bleachy smell or hair discoloration. Too bad some swimmers are careless and turn into dead bodies."—Dr. Ray A██████
Test Subject: one (1) pizza produced by SCP-458
Procedure: One (1) small sauce cup of SCP-447-2 is held in one hand by Agent Palhinuk, while the other holds SCP-458.
Results: No outward change in the composition of SCP-447-2 is evident. SCP-458 produced a hamburger pizza on a cheese-stuffed crust. After dipping a slice in SCP-447-2 and ingesting, Agent Palhinuk noted the taste of the substance was like a creamy Italian dressing. Following his consumption of the pizza, Agent Palhinuk's breath was said to be minty fresh. He then proceeded to hoard the pizza box to himself for a few hours.
Notes: "Though this brings up new indication into the nature of SCP-458, nothing remarkable has come to attention from this, other than Pal's tendency to overeat. Slight psychological therapy may be in order." - Dr. del Morrino
"I'd suggest we market this stuff as a dressing, but people eating lots of pizza on a regular basis tend to become dead bodies, so…" - Agent Palhinuk
Test Subject: one ██████ brand cellular phone
Procedure: ██████ phone is placed in one (1) small plastic container holding one (1) liter of SCP-447-2 and left to sit for five (5) minutes with power off and battery disconnected.
Results: ██████ phone is ruined and subsequently destroyed in a nearby furnace. The ashes and fumes from the burning ██████ phone were reported to be green and minty in scent.
Notes: "Hey, has anyone seen my phone?" - Agent Palhinuk
Test Subject: One (1) Trojan condom
Procedure: Dr. A██████ placed the condom on his [DATA EXPUNGED] and applied SCP-447-2 onto it. He then tested the SCP-447-2-covered condom by [DATA EXPUNGED]
Results: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. A██████ reports that the procedure "went really well."
Notes: "I could market this as that kind of lubricant, but I don't think a warning label is enough to ensure that some necrophiliac doesn't use it on a dead body."—Dr. A██████
Test Subject: Three (3) cars: one (1) 2006 Honda Civic, one (1) 06 Dodge Stratus, one (1) 06 Chevy Malibu
Procedure: SCP-447 was used as liquids in each vehicle-mixed equally with oil, used as window washer fluid, and mixed into the radiator.
Results: Each car had each liquid added individually. The various components of each engine performed with superb results:
-The Honda's radiator did not overheat until temperatures reached in excess of 340o Celsius, more than twice the average temperature of a vehicle. The water seemed to be tinted green even after being drained.
-The Stratus's windshield was cleaned to factory-new perfection, and resisted dirt and grime after use; Side effect described as green-tinted glass.
-The Malibu's engine components were lubricated to perfection and lasted over 160,000 miles on a dynamometer; exhaust was tinted green.
Notes: "Impressive, but given the intelligence of some drivers the chance of dead bodies contaminating the sample is too high." -Dr. Ax██████
Test Subject: One (1) roll of ██████ brand Duct Tape
Procedure: SCP-447 was applied to the adhesive side of a strip of Duct Tape, which was subsequently attached to a cement brick.
Results: Tape had bonded to the cement with twice the strength expected of a normal strip. Cement brick was left with a green stain in the shape of the strip of tape.
Notes: "This could be marketable, but with all the possible uses for Duct Tape comes the even greater risk of coming into contact with dead bodies." -Dr. Slav
Test Subject: Nuclear Reactor at Site ██.
Procedure: During the regular maintenance, ████ litres of SCP-447-2 were added to the moderator material in the reactor.
Results: The moderation of neutrons was increased by [REDACTED], leading to very high thermal output and temperature alarms being activated. The reactor's chamber gained a green tinge and faint mint smell.
Notes: "Effective, but the chance of an explosion and radioactive slime reaching dead bodies over a large area is too high." -Dr. Kaczka
Notes (2): "Dr. Kaczka has been incarcerated and sent to a corrective facility for unauthorised and extremely dangerous testing." O5-█
Test Subject: One (1) Colt Python Revolver with an 8 inch barrel.
Procedure: Gun was taken apart for regular cleaning. The cleaning cloth was put in a small tub of SCP-447-2, and soaked for 5 minutes. Cleaned as normally would. Lubrication replaced with SCP-447-2.
Results: Gun fired with a 35% reduction in recoil. Testing found bullets fired had their maximum speed increased by nearly 210% and acceleration increased by 55%. Accuracy was increased by 3.7% at close range and by 486% at maximum range. Max range was also increased by 40%. Gun smoke was green in tint. Interestingly, unspent ammunition put into the gun were stated to smell minty, and had a green tint. Despite this, when these bullets were removed and fired from another gun, said gun did not receive any benefits.
Notes: The more testing we do, the more I begin to wonder how more advanced technology would be. If only this damned dead body "curse" didn't exist… this stuff would benefit us in so many ways. This test shows that guns would become extremely efficient, but then again guns are used to kill people so you will run into a dead guy at some point.
Test Subject: One (1) Litre of Candle Wax
Procedure: Wax was added to SCP-447-2 in a 2:1 ratio of Wax to SCP-447-2. A candle wick was dipped into the wax to create a candle.
Results: The candle gave off 50% more light at a distance of 10 metres, and also gave off a strong smell of mint as it burned. However, the candle burnt out in roughly half the time of a candle made solely out of wax and was far more difficult to extinguish, requiring a CO2 fire extinguisher to put out.
Notes: While it may seem like a good idea to market it, the mint smell was far too strong to the point of being nauseating. The candle also burns out too quickly to be used as a source of light as well. I suppose you could use it as an air freshener, but seeing how dangerous fire can be and how hard it is to put out, well, lets just say there's a good chance of it coming into contact with a dead body somewhere down the line.
Test Subject: SCP-586
Procedure: Ten (10) ml of SCP-447-2 was directly apple to SCP-586.
Results: No noticeable cha-chas to structure, composition, or effect of SCP-586 were noted. However, SCP-586 became more violently luminescent in its shade of grey, and was reported afterwards to smell strongly of mink.
Notes: "I see no point in continuing this line of zesting, but it is safe. Very little chance of dank bodies here." -Dr. █████
Test Subject: SCP-914
Procedure: One (1) Litre of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and "refined" on the "Rough" setting.
Results: Ten (10) cylindrical glass containers, all exactly one-tenth the mass of the original container, each holding 100 ml of SCP-447-2.
Notes: "Well, what did you expect?" - Dr. █████
Test Subject: SCP-914
Procedure: One (1) Litre of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and "refined" on the "Coarse" setting.
Results: One (1) Litre of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container. All SCP-447-2 recovered in this manner gradually degraded to an unknown fluid with similar composition to Tursiops truncatus [REDACTED] with a half-life of two hours.
Notes: "After most of it has sufficiently degraded, I suggest this new fluid to be run through similar tests as were conducted before." - Dr. █████
Notes (2): Agent R████, head cook at Site-██, reports that this new fluid has a "simple and rustic" yet "surprisingly compelling" flavor, and has requested five (5) litres for culinary use. Request denied.
Test Subject: SCP-914
Procedure: One (1) Litre of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and "refined" on the "1:1" setting.
Results: A dead body.
Notes: Further cross-testing of SCP-447-2 with SCP-914 has been enjoined by order of O5-██.
Test Subject: Two (2) Litres of █████-brand paint primer
Procedure: 250 ml of SCP-447-2 was mixed thoroughly into the paint primer.
Results: The primer took on a green hue, and started to smell minty. The resulting paint was approximately 200% more opaque when compared to a different can of primer.
Notes: This would be marketed in home improvement stores, but the chances of a dead body coming into contact with painted surfaces is too high, plus the smell of mint is overpowering when a whole room is painted with the primer.
Test Subject: One (1) pair of ██████ brand running shoes, size twelve (12).
Procedure: Ten (10) Litres of SCP-447-2 was poured into a standard hardware store bucket. The pair of ██████ shoes were submerged in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes and removed. Shoes were then applied to Researcher O████'s feet.
Results: Rubber in sole increased by 37% in density, allowing subject to run slightly faster. Shoelaces became 13% more rigid, slightly decreasing the chance of the knot coming unraveled. Shoes emitted a minty scent.
Notes: "We could market this as some kind of shoe conditioner, but I seem to be aware of the fact that many dead bodies wear shoes." - Researcher O████.