Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Test Log Format:
All test logs should be written in this form.
Name:
Date:
Total Items:
Input:
Setting:
Output:
Test 11828-U5: Tests on the nature and construction of SCP-914
With approval from 05 Command, A single gear was removed from one of the "outer" sections of SCP-914. Placement was carefully documented, and was in a location that would not release tension on any belts, or damage any documented sections. Testing area was cleared and sealed after placing a steel block in the "intake" booth. D-00104 was dispatched to SCP-914, and instructed to turn the key and activate SCP-914.
D-00104 reported that "the key won't catch", and it was observed the key turned several times without tightening the mainspring. No activity of any kind was observed from SCP-914 during this time.
Missing gear was replaced with a identical copy, comprised of the same metal (brass) as the original. Steel block re-inserted into the "intake" booth, and SCP-914 was activated on the "1:1" setting. SCP-914 observed to operate normally, with a slight pause of 3.5 seconds after winding the key. After "refining", Output observed to be a solid steel sphere with the same volume as the original steel block. Original gear returned to SCP-914.
Notes: Well, thank god we can at least repair the damn thing if we damage it…assuming we can find what's broken in it. Hell, maybe it's already broken, I don't know…this damn thing hurts my head…
Dr. ██████████
Name: Dr.Gears
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 4x clockwork pocket watch, belonging to Dr.Gears
Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small clockwork bird. When the tail is pressed, it produces a robin's call.
Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Toy clockwork train engine.
Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Miniature grandfather clock, fully functional.
Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small metal sculpture of a piano.
Notes from Dr. Gears: It appears there is a high level of randomness when SCP-914 "refines" an item. However, it seems to preserve some element of its original composition, in this example, clockworks. This is not a law, but a high probability. Refine a metal bar, and you're more likely to get a simple metal object than a internal combustion engine. Both, however, are possible.
Name: Dr. Gears
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Three (3) copies of all documentation, photographs, and test logs accumulated in relation to SCP-914.
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: 1:1
Output: Folder containing all previously entered documents, arranged in chronological order.
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Fine
Output: Hard-bound book containing 400 pages. No diagrams, photos, or other visual aids of any kind are included. The pages appear to be solid black, but microscopic examination shows each page to be covered in approximately twenty thousand characters. The text has no correlation with any known writing style, and is not in a linear format, with "sentences" constructed from individual characters spread out between many pages. Each sentence requires a exceedingly complex formula to decode, with each formula unique to each sentence. (Note: Current decoding work has resulted in two partially translated sentences after 225 work-hours. Item appears to be a record of the internal structure of SCP-914)
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Single sheet of paper. Weight is exactly the same as the entered documentation. The sheet appears to be be a single page from the entered SCP-914 documentation, however when flipped over to the right, the reverse side is the following page in sequence. When flipped over to the left, the opposite side is the preceding page in sequence. No new documentation is included, however this item is significantly easier to store, if more time-consuming to browse.
(Memo from General ████████: It's screwing with us, you know that right? I don't CARE if it's been proven that it has no self-awareness, this thing is LAUGHING at us!)
Note from Dr. Gears: There seems to be some difficulty as to the meaning of "fine" and "coarse" on the settings; the machine appears to be capable of refining input based either on a scale of complexity (loss of entropy accompanied by increase in connectivity between components and/or acquisition of subjective meaning) or of simplification (separation into composite materials and loss of meaning).
Name: Dr. Grangan
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Five (5) adult male cadavers
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of human remains. Limbs, organs and bones all appear to have been roughly separated via tearing action and high heat. Output described as "unsettling".
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pile of human remains. All organs and bones have been removed by some form of cutting tool. The skin, nervous system, digestive system, and circulatory system all appear to have been removed without severing or damaging any of tissues involved. Results frozen for study.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Asian male cadaver. Original cadaver was identified as Caucasian.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Fine
Output: One cadaver containing SCP-008. Subject immediately incinerated.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Green slime. Properties and chemical structure determined to be identical to SCP-447-2.
Note: By order of O5-█ cadavers may no longer be tested in SCP-914 in order to minimize the possibility of SCP-447-2 coming in contact with dead bodies.
Name: Dr. Ouros
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 1x pill of SCP-500
Input: 1x Pill
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x ornate metal locket, now classified as SCP-427
Name: Dr. Zemyla Cenh
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: 2x identical wooden cross pendants, 7.6cm (3in) long
Input: 1x cross
Setting: Rough
Total items: 1x fragment of wood of the same mass, cut flat on 3 sides. This may be a fragment of a larger cross.
Input: 1x cross
Setting: Fine
Total items: 1x wooden crucifix with intricately detailed carving of Jesus Christ.
Notes from Dr. Cenh: This may imply that SCP-914 has an understanding of religion. More experiments with religious items are indicated.
This test may indicate that SCP-914 understands the use of input objects and not simply their function. Recommend testing with medicines reliant on the placebo effect to ascertain if outputs provide actual medicinal solutions to problems. -Dr. Pyrrhus
Name: Dr. Gibbons
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Three Hundred U.S. Dollars. One hundred U.S Dollars will be used for each setting.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Coarse
Output: A puddle of ink and a small pile of cotton and plastic weighing roughly as much as the original currency.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: 1:1
Output: Seventy five Euros.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Fine
Output: A shareholder's note for "Soap from Corpses Products", worth one hundred U.S. Dollars. It's unknown whether 914 selected a Foundation's front out of pure whimsy, or because of some other criteria.
Update: As in ██/██/████, Soap for Corpses Products' shares skyrocketed, and the aforementioned 'Fine' output is now worth $████ (USD). It is under investigation if 914 'selected' Soap from Corpses Products because it 'knew' was going to rally, or if it was a matter of pure luck.
Name: Dr. █████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x Bronze replicas of the Pioneer 10 and 11 plaques.
Input: 1 plaque on each setting
Setting: Rough
Output: Multiple bronze cubes, and two bronze spheres.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 105 grams of copper ore and 15 grams of tin ore.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Several CDs. Tests reveal them to contain the same data as the Voyager Golden Record.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bronze gyroscope, 15 cm tall. A needle in the center continuously points in one direction; testing has confirmed that no matter the position of the gyroscope, this needle points towards our Sun.
Name: Dr. ███████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5 lbs. raw ground beef
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 lb. beef slurry.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 lb. Medium-cooked round steak.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 lb. pile of beef jerky.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 2 half-pound flank steaks, well-done and lightly drizzled in gravy.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] Subject terminated with no casualties.
Name: Dr. █████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Rough
Output: several hundred thin paper strips.
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 block of wood, wet with strong-smelling liquid. Tests indicated the liquid to be composed of a variety of chemicals used in the paper-making process.
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x IRS Form 4868 (blank)
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x IRS Form 1040, with all blank space including margins and backs of pages filled with imprecations against the IRS and taxation in general in the following languages [in order of quantity of text, from greatest to least]: Basque, Quenya [see below], Sumerian, Cherokee, an unidentifiable language with a writing system composed of curved symbols, Classical Chinese, English (from the curses used, apparently c. 1650-1750). After long study of the unidentifiable symbols Dr. █████ could identify no commonality with any of the other languages present on the form. The Sumerian contained three words unattested from any known text. The Quenya had its cursing of the IRS interspersed with vituperation of someone or something called "Morgoth".
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x IRS Form "MXL", filled out for the year 35 and with the name given as "GAIVS IVLIVS CAESAR AVGVSTVS GERMANICVS" and all monetary amounts given in Roman numerals with the word "DENARII" entered afterwards.
Name: Dr. Clopine
Date: 8/15/09
Total Items: Five (5) 11 X 8.5" copies of the Mona Lisa printed from an HP Photosmart 3310 All-In-One onto photo paper
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shredded photo paper, several pools of ink
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 8.5 x 11" sheet of plastic, one 8.5 X 11" sheet of paper, several pools of ink
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 8.5 x 11" copy of Vitruvian Man
Setting: Fine
Output: One 8.5 X 11" copy of Mona Lisa, painted onto canvas. Testing revealed paint to be oil paint of modern origins.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 7 x 10" copy of the Mona Lisa painted onto wood panel, identified to be poplar. Paint samples tested to be oil paints made from beeswax, calcined bones, piled glass, and mineral pigments, with indications that pigments were hand ground. Further testing suggests painting dates to early 16th century. Output now resides on wall in Dr. Clopine's office.
Name: Professor "Q"
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: One (1) chessboard, initial setup
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) chessboard, white king's pawn moved up 2 spaces.
Input: board as above, with black pawn moved to legal position
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) chessboard, as above with white queen moved diagonally to legal position.
Professor "Q": Yes, I've been playing chess with 914. Yes, I'm aware it's probably non-sentient, but that hardly explains why it's winning.
Name: Dr. C███████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) prints of La trahison des images by René Magritte.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One miniature pipe identical to that in the print, with "C'est une pipe" engraved on it.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A near identical print, with "This is not a pipe" written in in English in the same hand as in the original.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Fine
Output: A print of Les deux mystères by René Magritte.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A print of an untitled painting, later definitively confirmed by art experts to have been produced by René Magritte, despite there being no record of its existence. The painting depicts [DATA REDACTED] in addition to La trahison des images.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blank piece of paper with the memetic property of inducing observers to believe that it is a pipe. The paper was accidentally destroyed by Dr. C███████ who placed it in his mouth and set it on fire. Dr. C███████ was treated for minor burns to his face but was otherwise not injured.
Name: Dr. J█████ N██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: Five (5) tuna sandwiches, on white bread.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wheat, a small pile of yeast, a puddle of water and one (1) segment of twitching, bloody flesh (later identified as tuna musculature).
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small loaf of bread, and chunks of cooked tuna.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) salmon sandwich, on rye bread.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) tuna sandwich. Tuna was later revealed to be of the highest quality, with light, soft bread. Testing on D-class personnel resulted in dramatically increased cognitive capacity; further chemical analysis revealed it to contain unusually high levels of Omega-3 and Omega-7 fatty acids.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small loaf of bread baked into a very realistic shape of a tuna. When the door was opened, it immediately began "swimming" around the room and out the door. Subject presumed missing.
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: 07-01-2004
Total items: Five (5) adult SCP-939 specimens. Test cleared by O5 Command.
Input: One adult SCP-939 specimen was placed within SCP-914 on each setting.
Setting: Rough
Output: A mass of bone splinters, broken teeth, and scraps of translucent red tissue of various sizes. Tissue was observed to twitch spasmodically for several hours before activity ceased. Material preserved for further study.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Subject was divided up into organized piles of tissue, including but not limited to (presumably) muscle tissue, two piles of ground bone tissue (the significance of this division, if any, is unknown), teeth, skin, a total of approximately seventeen (17) meters of esophageal tissue divided into numerous coils, and approximately fifteen (15) kilograms of rotting human flesh littered with splinters of bone, shreds of fabric, and a tattered laminated ID tag identifying its owner as D-09355. As with the first test, SCP-939 tissue was observed to convulse for several hours before ceasing activity. SCP-939 remains preserved for further study; human remains incinerated.
Setting: 1:1
Output: [REDACTED]
Setting: Fine
Output: The same SCP-939 specimen. Respiration was noted to have halted. Test subject was immediately relocated to a reinforced concrete containment chamber and observed remotely via CCTV. Installation security forces were ordered to high alert. Twenty-four hours passed with no signs of activity from the subject. Subject proved unresponsive to all stimuli and was pronounced dead thirty-six hours later. Necropsy was unable to identify a cause of death nor any anatomical revisions attributable to SCP-914. Remains preserved for further study.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A heap of smoldering white ash.
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items 9 identical copies of the King James Bible
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Rough.
Output: One sheet of leather, one block of wood of approximate dimensions 3/4 that of the bible, one stack of ink stained rags, one reel of thread.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the Qu'ran.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Hand-illustrated copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls on new papyri.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One book with leaden pages and a golden cover. Language unknown.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One book entitled "The Satanic Bible"
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One DVD containing animated accounts of all the Bible stories.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One statuette, human in form. Quotes Bible passages at random, unless prompted either by book, or by a short phrase from the bible, in which case it continues from that point. Voices are appropriate to persons in Bible, narrator is a neutral voice of ambiguous gender unless the book is attributed to a particular person, in which case voices is appropriate to that individual.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One book with seemingly infinite pages (current count exceeds two million) containing copies of religious texts with commentaries and footnotes from all known religions, in multiple different languages, plus some religious texts from (currently) unknown religions.
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: 1:1
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with the words “I would like a Whopper. No Ketchup, No Mustard. Small order of onion rings, and a medium Coke”
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of US counterfeit currency , composed of standard paper and printed with #2 pencil lead. The currency totals to the exact cost of the requested order, plus tax.
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with a series of symbols inscribed upon it which do not correspond to any known system of writing. Subjects viewing the symbols describe a sudden and intense desire for a cheeseburger.
Name: Dr. Syka Brown
Date: 7/12/20██
Total Items: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Bouncy Ball', cardboard label still attached
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Bouncy Ball', with cardboard label
Setting: Fine
Output: A ball carrying a cardboard label identifying it as a ██████ brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'. Behaviour was identical to store-bought varieties.
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball of smaller shape and differing colour, with a cardboard tag, specifying it as a "██████ brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'". The manufacturer does not appear to produce this product. Testing reveals that the ball has 0.█% energy loss per bounce, making it extremely efficient.
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ball, that appears unchanged from the input. There is however, a difference in its [REDACTED] properties, exhibited when dropped by Dr Brown. [DATA EXPUNGED] forty-five casualties, and reached escape velocity. Currently thought to be orbiting Mars.
Name: Dr von Hildebrandt
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: One (1) set photocopies and duplicates of lab notes and other research material on SCP-914.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One leatherbound tome, 54cm x 42cm, 256 vellum pages, with title written in gold leaf. Language of the title and the contents were at first unidentifiable, and were later discovered to be an old dialect of Finnish. The contents are written in calligraphy, and more than half the pages are elaborately illuminated with colored inks and gold and silver leaf. Once translated, the contents proved to be identical to the contents of the input material, arranged chronologically. The tome has been radiocarbon dated to the early 11th century C.E.
Anachronistically, a leather pocket is sewn into the inside back cover, and this pocket contains what appears to be a modern compact disc, 10cm in diameter. Data on this disc is encoded by an unknown codec. Attempts to divine the codec and decipher the data are ongoing.
Note: It's a pity the contents of this tome are classified. It's a piece worthy of any museum. I've never seen such exquisite calligraphy. The illuminations may prove to be the most interesting part of the book, though. They often portray clockworks and related mechanical parts as well as some of the input or output objects; possibly they relate in a direct rather than abstract way to the operation of SCP-914 as described on the illuminated pages.
Name: Dr. Chipman
Date: 2013/20/04
Total Items: Five (5) vinyl LP records of the Yes album Tales from Topographic Oceans.
Input: One (1) Tales from Topographic Oceans vinyl LP
Setting: Rough
Output: One CD-ROM, roughly cut into four parts, possibly due to there being four episodes of the serial. CD deemed unrecoverable and thrown away by Dr. September.
Name: Dr. Anson
Date: 2013/09/05
Total Items: Five (5) Beretta M9 Pistols, all in working order, loaded with empty magazines. One will be used on each setting
Input: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, with empty magazine
Setting: Rough
Output: One (1) heavily damaged Beretta M9. On the left hand side, there appears to be minor corrosion, indicating roughly █ months exposed to the elements.
Input: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, with empty magazine
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, field stripped for daily cleaning. When put back together, item functioned as expected.
Input: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, with empty magazine
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Walther PPK Pistol. Item functioned identically to copies in the Site ██ Armory. When stripped for cleaning, the numbers '007' were engraved on the inside of the slide.
Input: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, with empty magazine
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, appeared unchanged from output. The magazine was loaded with 15 (fifteen) rounds, despite being empty before the test. Ammunition behaved as expected.
Input: One (1) Beretta M9 Pistol, with empty magazine
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. The item was capable of firing over ███ rounds without reloading. The weapon promptly detonated after the final round was fired, as indicated by the slide locking back. Remains recovered for further study
Note: Well, that was unexpected.
Name: Dr. Lyon
Date: 2013/05/10
Total Items: Five (5) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bars, removed from wrappers. One will be used on each setting.
Input: One (1) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bar
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wood chips, later revealed to be from the cacao tree (Theobroma cacao).
Input: One (1) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bar
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) small pot of chocolate chips, which upon consumption, reported to taste like Cadbury brand milk chocolate.
Input: One (1) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bar
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Galaxy brand milk chocolate bar.
Input: One (1) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bar
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) box of Lindt brand milk chocolate truffles.
Input: One (1) Cadbury brand milk chocolate bar
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) box of L.A. Burdick brand chocolates.
Note: All chocolates produced by SCP-914 are stored in the fridge in the second floor break room of Site-19.
