Edit 2/10/19: Work in progress. Not ready for finalization.
Howdy there, let’s take a look at your draft. I will point out 3-5 things and then going your concept. I will refrain from pointing out an issue more than once unless it is a tonal error.
Formatting:
The interview is incorrectly formatted. For proper format please look within the “How to Write an SCP Guide”
Special Containment Procedures:
Due to SCP-4107 being extremely docile,
This does not matter in the containment procedure
it is allowed to stay in its original location with little to no supervision, with a maximum of one MTF and one scientist to supervise it when necessary.
This would not happen, SCP stands for Secure. Contain. Protect. They do not let something roam free unless they can’t contain it.
When someone wishes to speak to SCP-4107, they must plug in a computer (preferably a desktop) and wait for SCP-4107 to initiate conversation. Once a person wishes to end the conversation, all they must do is say goodbye to SCP-4107. This will cause the call to end, and the computer will then shut down.
This belongs in the description.
There needs to be more in the containment procedures. What Level is able to access this SCP?
Description:
However, unlike a normal power outlet,
We already assume that this is different from a normal power outlet.
There is too much here describing something simple. This is a shorter version of the entire description(Though the tone will be off), “SCP-XXXX is a 2/20 outlet that has the ability to transfer sentience to any electronic devices.” And then you can use interviews to portray its personality and testing logs to show how it interacts depending on the electronic device.
SCP-4107 is also shown to know much about SCP-049, knowing how they look, sound, and their obsession with “The Pestilence.” However, these two SCPs have never met, and it is still unknown how SCP-4107 knows so much about SCP-049. SCP-4107 has shown to dislike, yet admire his methods of “curing” his subjects, noting that they admire SCP-049’s ambition to succeed.
I strongly suggest that you remove this part as this doesn’t add to the piece. This would more
Overall: I mean it's a workable concept with poor execution. The interview is unbelievable and the narrative is nonexistent. I strongly suggest that you look over the clinical tone declassified and shop around the narrative in the Ideas and Brainstorming forums.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/clinical-tone-declassified
Good Luck Author.
Howdy there, let’s take a look at your draft. I will point out 3-5 things and then going your concept. I will refrain from pointing out an issue more than once unless it is a tonal error.
Formatting:
It’s special containment procedures
The interview needs to be properly formatted. May I suggest looking at the How to Write an SCP.
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-4107 is to be contained in a 2m x 2m x 2m stainless steel cell at all times.
Does it have to be contained in a room of this exact size?
The cell should contain no electrical equipment such as computers, cellphones, and especially cameras.
You can just cut this off at no electronic devices allowed
Weekly maintenance is not mandatory, but is highly advised.
I would just say that weekly maintenance is needed
In the event of an SCP-4107 shutdown, if the cell is not kept in quality condition, this might result in a full facility power outage, which will release all SCPs contained in the facility.
Why don't they have this on a different power source in the site? WHy not hook it up to a generator that’s off-grid so to speak.
If left in the chamber, all personnel will fall victim to an electrical surge, killing them instantly.
This is over the top ridiculous.
SCP-4107 is to be monitored by no more than two personnel at a time. If there are more than two personnel in the room, SCP-4107 will begin to feel threatened, and will shut off completely. At this point, all personnel in the chamber have approximately one minute to leave.
This can be put in the description.
Description:
will function just as a typical power outlet would
This is unneeded
SCP-4107 is very timid, especially when in the presence of humans.
Show us this, don’t tell us.
causing twenty-five of my colleagues to die
20 amp outlets can’t kill people, hurt sure, kill no. I’ve been shocked with a 2/20 outlet and it only hurts. Also, tons of people dying is an overused cliche just make them hurt.
Overall: I mean there’s not much that happens here. The story isn’t very strong and needs improving. Have you sent this through ideas and brainstorming as I had suggested?