Level 3 security clearance and above are allowed access.
The first line in the containment procedures is about people being allowed into containment and not about the containment measures themselves. Seems a touch… misplaced. You'd want to know how to contain something before you cared about who could get in.
Furthermore why are all level threes allowed access? That makes no sense. It should be limited to those working on the object, not just any random person who has that clearance.
Under no circumstances are ANY personnel allowed to bring AA batteries
Capitalizing RANDOM words IN a sentence doesn't MAKE them more professional. It should also be noted that a general prohibition on AAs would make more sense than specifying that people allowed access shouldn't be bringing them in.
SCP–2644 is to be contained in Type-1 safe with electronic passcode security.
Hopefully this safe doesn't use AAs. Seriously it's just safer to use a mechanical safe in this circumstance given this thing's thing with messing with electronics.
Safe passcodes will be known only by Level 4 personnel.
What. So all those level threes that have access don't actually have access? Internal consistency is a good thing. Please keep things consistent.
All copies of SCP-2644 are to be stored with all batteries removed by Level 3 researchers only.
What.
Why is there such a weird focus on researcher levels in this article? Why does this have to be done by level 3s?
All AA batteries extracted from SCP-2644 will be saved for future use.
Even the dead ones?
Also if this thing isn't like, manipulating the batteries somehow and the batteries are safe to use why is there such an obscene level of focus on battery minutiae?
A ten-pack of SAFEVIEW (Mod 7) polarized visors and a portable electromagnetic pulse device must be available to negate the effects of SCP-2644.
What. An EMP is either going to melt the circuit, burn out the bulbs or render the device inoperable. Too risky to use to kill a bike tail light. Also way overkill to stop a bike tail light from working.
SCP-2644 is constructed of an unremarkable plastic.
The Foundation is really judgmental about plastics. You can like, just tell us that the thing is ordinary aside from the anomaly, which, if I'm not mistaken, you do earlier in the paragraph.
Two primary flashing LEDs (Light Emitting Diodes) output red or green light of [DATA EXPUNGED] nanometers and [DATA EXPUNGED] nm respectively.
If this light is in the visible spectrum red and green are going to be really narrow bands of light. Which means that you could figure out which is which through trial and error. You do not need to expunge it and it is, in fact, silly to do so.
There is one large black rubber-coated button on the top of device, when pressed yields a different type of flashing pattern - with the final mode turning off the device.
This is a terribly awkward way of saying "The device has three flash modes which can be cycled through by pressing the button."
The manufacturer is described on the product container as the “Super Fun Time” company - it is a front for a secondary unknown manufacture(s).
… How do we know? Super Fun Time could easily exist in one of the many parallel realities the Foundation runs into. Claiming that it's a front is speculation without evidence.
Reproduced verbatim from back of SCP-2644's product package:
“Pattern 1: WOOOO - POP ! (Nice and easy sailor boy! Every car like you – they dont hit you!)”
(Foundation description: Top LED steadily increases in brightness to [DATA REDACTED] lumens – max rated output (1 sec) / bottom LED flashes in a one-two-three burst pattern (0.5 sec) with the last flash being the most sustained and brightest (1 sec) / cycle pattern to beginning.)
“Pattern 2: A-aH !! (Big man on Road now! VERY LUCK! All SEE and PAY many RESPECT !!)”
(Foundation description: Top LED flash to max (1 sec) / bottom LED flash to max (1 sec) / both LEDs flash in rapid succession corresponding to flash pattern designated: [DATA REDACTED] .)
“Pattern 3: SO ON… .! (Alwaays-ON NO off!)”
(Foundation description: Both LEDs appear to be on at max lumens, in a steady-state, however a photometric analysis revealed a complex hyper-flash pattern (greater than thirty pulses per second) that was not deemed possible utilizing contemporary technologies of this type.)
Pattern 4: nO – YES ! !! (SO much envy! HATE you for BIG POWERFULL light!! HEY nOW !!!)
(Foundation description: [DATA REDACTED] )
So the thing is a racist caricature of an East Asian company that turns on real bright but everything potentially interesting is redacted? Great. So nothing in this section is helpful to me, the reader, and I feel like I need to take a shower from the awful Engrish.
When SCP-2644 is activated, most persons - including survivors - described the light as: “Annoying!”; “Eye-catching!” and “Stupid Bright!”.
Did the Foundation include the exclamation points to make these people sound chipper? Also "Super Bright!" sounds like the kind of language that the Super Funtime Company would use it it's terrible, stereotypical advertising.
I should point out that including casualties as a brief aside in this document makes it easy to miss and terrible for in-universe use for the Foundation.
SCP-2644 was brought to Foundation's attention in peripheral manner during the investigation of what was designated the “Golden Gate Bridge Event.” Local investigators noted from people at the event who viewed the light from SCP-2644 feelings of extreme, uncharacteristic anger toward the bicycle rider using SCP-2644. Forensic examination of debris from that event was performed at Foundation Site: [DATA REDACTED]
Is this supposed to be inside the "modes of operation" collapsible? Why isn't this in its own section? Also is this supposed to be a weird indictment of bicyclers? Why is the location of the forensic analysis redacted?
[+01:05:46] : “Dammit !” - Dr Richard ██████ “It's really bright!”
[+01:05:47] : Dr Richard ██████ places SCP-2644 on the research table – still flashing its lights that are noted to fill the entire room with light patterns of variable length.
[+01:05:46] : “Science!” - Dr Li exclaimed (dramatically) in a manner consistent with Thomas Dolby's single - “She Blinded Me With Science”, circa 1982.
[+01:05:47 - 01:05:55] Both doctors are seen staring at SCP-2644 without moving or conversing in any perceptible manner. SCP-2644 is flashing pattern Omega X throughout this time span.
These people… are the worst scientists. They're literally just turning on a bright light that the Foundation found at a crazy accident with no eye protection at all. And their being really dumb while doing it.
[+01:05:56] : Dr Richard ██████ lunges at Dr Xian Li with two metal-tipped electronic multimeter testing probes and stabs Dr Li's neck – puncturing both carotid arteries.
And here's where we get to the cliche of the SCP making you crazy to death or crazy to murder.
[+01:06:03] : A ruptured Bunson burner fuel line ignites a 4oz container of 65% (by volume) Hydrogen Peroxide – sending alight both Dr Xi and Dr Richard ██████.
Why was there a lit Bunson burner right there? Is this an action movie lab were we just need fire all the time because it's really dumb to have a lit burner on for no goddamn reason.
[+01:15:14] : Rapid Reaction Team Alpha One remove both bodies for full autopsies.
Christ. Every Foundation team apparently needs a Greek letter and a cliche tacticool name.
SCP-2644 has been found at numerous multi-car accidents with multiple fatalities. It is noted that bicycle riders equipped with SCP-2644 have all survived and were never struck by a vehicle.
SCP-2644 has been linked to 238 accidental deaths; 24 suicides and 106 violent assaults. In 15 percent of the total events, there were no vehicles involved – SCP-2644 was detached from the bike mount. The geographic concentration of these fatal vehicular/bicycle accidents have been confined to California and Washington states. Foundation testing has uncovered a racial vulnerability / tolerance to the effects of SCP-2644, a full report can be obtained from O5 council.
None of this needs to be in the video transcript. Also why has the Foundation not tried to pin down a distributor. We found the manufacturer, just get a ban on imports.
confined to California and Washington states. Foundation testing has uncovered a racial vulnerability
Sounds like we're about to get some good, ole-fashioned racism in this article in addition to a really limpwristed attack on bicycle culture.
SCP-2644 hazardous effects are equally effective by itself – with no bike mounting. The deliberate rapid induction of [DATA REDACTED] behavior in unsuspecting persons is now available for criminals, deviants and/or terrorists by means of a seemingly totally innocuous object.
Stop expunging. Also why is this written like an advertisement? Why was this thing mounted to bikes to begin with if all you needed was a blinking light?
It is the Foundation's conclusion that the introduction of SCP-2644 into this region was a systematic and deliberate act by a foreign agency to evaluate the efficacy of a potential weapon of mass destruction. Insofar as the United States remains a major source of funding, operational and political support, any attempt to destabilize this region we must regard as an attack on the Foundation itself.
No. It's more clear that the blinking lights are an attack on bikers and motorists. If this were an attack on the Foundation they wouldn't test things out where you could find them and give you notice of an attack. Like, the conclusion here is nonsensical. They have no evidence of something like that.
Foundation investigative services have uncovered that the alleged manufacturer of SCP-2644 has started to sell this taillight on Amazon.com for $19.99 with free shipping throughout the entire United States.
Oh no! Amazon is beyond the reach of all regulatory agencies and nobody could order Amazon to take it down! Also anybody who buys this is going to be on record. Just go get all of them.
[+00:01:12] Researcher ██████ : “How the hell are you supposed to do this on a bike trail?! - At night ?!”
Simple answer, you're not. You put the tail light on all the time and only turn it on when riding at night, then you turn it off when you get to where you're going. This researcher is an idiot.
SCP -2644 is preloaded with two Energizer AA batteries (with a “best by” date of 2020): researches note: Such a high-quality and costly battery?
Are these "magic" AAs? Why is that they're made by Energizer important? Are you trying to sell the reader energizer batteries?
[+00:01:05] SCP-2644 is placed onto the intake tray of [DATA EXPUNGED] for trans-molecular scan.
Yep. Just place it on the technobabble tray. Which is totally a real thing.
[+00:02:12] Dr Jackson Wang : “That doesn't mean anything, everyone makes [DATA REDACTED]…”
Is this article implying that China is trying to kill us with bicycle lights?
