First of all, make sure you use this format, when making your SCP:
**Item #:** SCP-XXXX
**Object Class:** Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)
**Special Containment Procedures:** [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
**Description:** [Paragraphs explaining the description]
**Addendum:** [Optional additional paragraphs]
Here's where the critique actually begins.
[DATA EXPUNGED] in Gary [REDACTED].
This isn't the best use of expungement.
The object has no special properties yet to be discovered.
This sentence is very confusing. When I first read it, I thought it meant no anomalous properties had been found yet, which made me ask "Why is this an SCP?" When I read it again, I realized that it sounds like the Foundation already knows everything about the ring. Either way, it should be clarified.
Studies have shown, when the object is held or in close approximately of the subject,
"Studies have shown doesn't sound like good tone, IMO. Also, when you use the word "approximately," you should have used the word "proximity."
the subject will experience deep personally changes
First, the correct word in this snippit should be "personality." Second, the tone of this sentence is jarring.
non the less,
*Nonetheless
as being over pacifistic.
Grammar and wording seems a bit wonky, here. And, again, tone.
The device was tested on a prison inmate in cook county
Why not just use a D-Class. We have a ton of them. They're cannon/canon fodder for a reason.
The prisoner, held on seventeen accounts of murder was put in hands length of the device.
Grammar here needs touching up. Also, if he's within hand's length, why not just put the ring on him? Lastly, does his criminal record add anything to the article at all?
After the third day, the subject showed intense personal changes, becoming more compassionate and caring.
Tone needs to be fixed.
However, once the device was taken away from the subjects reach, the subject continued to express positive changes to his personally.
Personally/Personality mix-up again.
he did not revert back to his former self, and is still expressing the positive influence of the device, even remembering each of the researches names, and inquiring about the health and well being of their families.
Tone is, once again, an issue here. The Foundation is a huge, secretive organization. If researchers were to ever have to use a subject that was not a D-Class or other pre-approved test subject, there would still be next to no chance that a prisoner inside a government prison facility would be used. Secondly, the researchers would never disclose personal information. Names are one thing, but facts about family, if they have any, are a whole other issue.
Foundation researches conclude if the devices mechanics can be deciphered, mass production may be conceivable.
Remember, the Foundation is secretive, and contains things that are beneficial to humanity provided that it is paranormal. They may use research from the object to make something that can help humanity, but the Foundation will never mass produce an SCP.
