Hmm okay, despite myself, I find myself greatly enjoying this draft. I was initially worried that this was going to just be a TTKU (thing that kills you) but it does have some interesting ideas floating around. I feel as though this has some interesting concepts, but they just aren't refined enough from that standpoint. I will forego the line-by-line for the sake of extensive concept crit.
(Also a quick note, there is a hyphen between D and class, please and thank you!)
The Church:
So, there is a general concept within the wiki called Conservation of WTF. It's generally just that you don't need to make your anomaly do a million things at once because you're doing a disservice to your main idea and the story you want to tell. There are a few little anomalies attached to this that don't need to be there For instance:
Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are not affected by hunger, dehydration, bullets, or toxins, and do not respond to any stimuli aside from verbal commands.
1. The Foundation doesn't like to kill anomalies.
2. You can't move if you are within a certain distance of the church anyway, so why does it matter and how is it even tested? Did they throw nerve gas into a church?
Every Sunday at exactly 20:30 all instances of SCP-XXXX-1 will black out and experience what they refer to as sermons.
This isn't exactly that but why would they call these sermons when there is an actual sermon happening after? It doesn't really make a ton of sense. It's fine that they have control but can't leave, but the name is really weird.
Attempts made to recover bodies by tearing the ceiling apart have been unsuccessful.
How did they… what? How did they do this without creating a huge personnel risk? Also if they can move inside of this space (as long as they don't fuck with the pulpit, why don't they just construct a cage around the pulpit itself, rendering it functionally inert?)
Despite this, the inside is well maintained, due to the fact that any mess made or item broken within the church has been found repaired and cleaned after eye contact with the interior of the church has been broken.
This is more in terms of the conservation of WTF but why is this important? It's just too much.
God-Fearing Man:
So, this article gets pretty close but doesn't really go far enough to consider it creepy. It needs much more to make it achieve that. So, the interview log is a little bit weird, and doesn't really contribute much to the article as a whole. I think you should probably add actual logs of sermons. As far as I can see, you don't say that electronics do not work in the area, so you could test with an actual video log. I would also not advise you to make electronics not work because it's more boring that way.
I would also advise trying to interfere with the person talking, for the sake of making something interesting happen. It's less interesting to have an inert scene which cannot be affected than to have something dynamic which can be affected. Just think of ways you could add different variables which would lead to interesting results, results that make you actually think about what the anomaly is doing.
I think that's all I have. The issue with this SCP is that it just doesn't go far enough. If you have any questions, feel free to respond here or PM me on wikidot. Keep writing, you got this!
Hey man, Thanks a ton for the criticism, I made a lot of changes to the article based on it and I think it sounds way better! http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/creamsupreme-kneelingchurch
Well, the new paragraph is interesting but you are starting to run into some issues with your paragraphs being too long, especially the new one. You should break those up.
I would say it still needs more. Not necessarily more anomalous effects, but more exploration of the existing anomalous effects.