EDIT: The Result gave a tip as to the correct method of SCP Suggestion.
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/thelovelyvocal Please state any suggestions and/or opinions.
EDIT: Updated according to Palaios's suggestions.
EDIT: The Result gave a tip as to the correct method of SCP Suggestion.
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/thelovelyvocal Please state any suggestions and/or opinions.
EDIT: Updated according to Palaios's suggestions.
You shouldn't make your SCPs in an actual forum, make a sandbox then put a sandbox link in your thread.
Make a sandbox here:
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/
Apologies. I will use this instead.
The end result could have some interesting potential, as having people melt into objects and be permanently attached to them/end up with melted bodies leaves you with lots of room to play around with body horror. However you never really get there the closest that you come is:
ther physiological results depend upon what the individual attaches to.
I'd suggest focusing way less on the disease and probably cutting the material about how hard to treat and how contagious this thing is (and maybe changing the mechanism that generates the effect altogether) and instead focus on the effect on the people who have been effected by it.
Other notes:
Samples of SCP-XXXX can only be grown in the human bloodstream. The infected human must be kept in a 5x5 meter chamber
Why limit it to only human bloodstreams? Why does a chamber have to be 5x5 m also that is a 2D chamber.
Redaction is poorly used in this article. You should remove both cases of redaction in this article. The problem is that the way you use redaction it ends up reading: "Generic bad and or unpleasant thing" which detracts from the horror. Generally I'd only suggest redacting in cases where the reader has already been given a pretty good idea what sort of thing is under the redaction and where given them the chance to draw there own conclusions is useful. (The other case for redaction is to hide minor immersion breaking details e.g city names)
Thank you for the support and the suggestions. I will edit as of now.
Antibiotics don't work on ameobas. they're actually quite hard to treat, usually.
This has been taken into account. Editing again. I would like to see further suggestions from everyone to see how this can be made better, and am awaiting approval to post.
The edits helped, however I'd probably still down vote this in its current form.
While it helps the horror to have some examples of what people have bonded to the article still spends a lot more time focusing on the mechanics of the virus than on its impacts. (I never really get a sense of what life might be like for someone after infection)
Also you have some issues with phrasing and tone throughout the piece and you have left a lot of the unnecessarily details in the article.
I'll point out a few of the problem that I saw:
Within thirty minutes of infection, SCP-XXXX will have spread throughout the entire bloodstream and induce a desire to huddle to the nearest similar sized object or being
So induce is the wrong tense (should be induced) and the rest of the sentence reads a bit awkwardly. Huddle while not technically incorrect seem like a poor word choice to convey what you are describing as it has a lot of other means and generally does not carry the connotation of grabbing hold of something.
coldness, affection, fear, [DATA EXPUNGED] or a variety of other reasons.
Still not good expungement. (Although the later example you have added look okay)
This may indicate collective intelligence in SCP-XXXX.
How does this indicate intelligence? This bit seems like an unnecessary detail that distracts from the main parts of the article.