A temporal anomaly mixed with a reality bender. Enjoy!
This is a response to Nanoro's Bright Challenge post that you can find here.
A temporal anomaly mixed with a reality bender. Enjoy!
This is a response to Nanoro's Bright Challenge post that you can find here.
Fixed all the XXXXs per te. God, I haven't said this in a long time.
Not really feeling this one. I like the concept, but there's something missing from the execution that I can't put my finger on. No vote for now.
It's kind of thin. The relationship between two instances of the same person existing in the same timeline is an interesting start to something, but it isn't really examined in enough detail to unpack the ramifications of something like this existing. The use of WWII as a backdrop, without really using the historical setting to any thematic effect, compounds the sense of something that hasn't really been finished.
Consequently, the lightness of the narrative makes the attempts at emotional impact feel unearned and cloying. I'm not at all invested in this character or any of the people around him, so why should I care about this particular person's regrets and tribulations? Short articles are fine, but if your aim is to move the reader on a deeper, personal level, you're going to need to do some more work here.
Finally, the D-Day landings were June 6, 1944.
Hey! I am really glad to be receiving feedback from you, since i consider that your evaluations are one of the most helpful ones on the site and i will admit that i was waiting for you to vote on this.
While i am kind of disappointed because of the downvote, i will admit that my finishing on this article was hasty and that may be the reason for me not wanting to add more content to it, thus making your critique valid. My decision to not ellaborate too much on the war background of the character was influenced by a principle of mine that was generated after several mainlist entries of mine were downvoted before my first entry1: I wanted to avoid merging two completely different themes, and, since i was going for a more emotionally-centered narrative to be reproduced, i decided against adding more reports from the WWII period and consequently caused the narrative to be light and way too simple. I will take your critique on this matter in consideration when writing any articles based on historical backgrounds from now on.
Thank you for the heads-up on the date. All mentions of it have been fixed.
I think a major issue with this is that there's no record of the Foundation actually identifying this SCP. Another is that the containment procedures pre-neutralization don't make any sense if it's implied the only record change of the earlier instance was when the second instance expired.
These two combined just make me feel like the entire middle of the article was skipped over.
I like the idea, not so much the execution. IMHO it lacks the consecuences of the altered timeline. Also, if not for the discussion here for this skip, we can't know how was it neutralized. I dunno if it was your choice to contruct a character or not, but it was indeed left unconstructed.
No vote for now.
This is difficult to comprehend for me, but am I to understand that -B deleted his past to be with his wife after-life? And by deleting it means he exchanged his past with -A?
If this is correct, a few question remains:
1. How did the Foundation notice the connection before this happened? Or did it only come to their attention after incident of June 6th, resulting in short-lived Euclid status and consequent Neutralization?
2. Why did the cause of death for -B have to be aortic aneurysm, if he changed the past? This might be a petty complaint but I kinda thought changing the past would make him die in the battlefield. Or maybe this was not 1:1 trade of past, but if that's true I'm lost in comprehension (but you did write -A's casualty report changed to match the death date of -B).