1st SCP
1st SCP hope u guys like :) scp sandbox wiki
1st SCP
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» 1st SCP
by the way, the scp's name will be "mirror cage" hope you all like it!
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Alright, this needs a lot of work.
Item #:SCP-###
Right off the bat, you've got incorrect formatting. You're missing a space after the colon, and later on you have a random hyphens where the space should be. Also, you're missing the rating module.
Object Class:-Safe
See previous comment.
f>image http://www.freeimages.com/assets/36/352513/mirror-on-wall-1156610-m.jpg
Your image should be localized to the sandbox, not taken directly from another site.
Special Containment Procedures-SCP-###
Again, random hyphen.
is to be kept in a standard containment steel vault with dimensions of, 8cm by, 2m by, 5m devoid of all light.
This isn't a "standard" containment vault if you specify material, dimensions, and lighting. Also, the dimensions are listed strangely… all the measurements should be in the same units, there's no need for commas in between, and there should be spaces after the numbers.
The vault here you've got is more of a box, really. Why not just use a locker or a safety box? Also, "devoid of all light" would be really hard to implement and enforce. I'd say take that bit out, or just keep the thing covered in thick cloth that lets no light through.
Any form of light source(s) is to be kept
Random indent after.
100m from SCP-###'s vault.
That is far. Like, ridiculously far. Again, why not just cover the thing?
Access is by a lock and keypad access to the key
I think you're missing a period.
is permitted for level 3 personnel
Correct idiomatic phrasing would be "permitted to", and it'd be "Level-3".
or higher and the keypad code is only to be known by level 4 personnel or higher
This doesn't make sense. If you have both a lock and a keypad, why bother giving one person access to only one? Why bother listing the previous one if only Level-4 personnel can actually access the thing?
and kept in the SCP foundation
Capitalize "Foundation" when you're using it as a proper noun.
computer database only accessible to level 4 user(s) or higher.
This is completely unnecessary, actually. Your containment measures at this point are excessive. Seems like a waste of resources.
if containment vault is entered for any reason(s) the individual(s) entering must be in a full body suit manufactured completely of black nylon fibre as this color has been shown to void SCP-###'s effect.
You have a random huge space between "suit" and "manufactured". Also, the grammar here is really clunky. Also, if the black fiber voids the effect, why not just wrap the entire thing in the stuff?
SCP-### is to have a inferior organism absorbed at all times.
What is an "inferior organism"? How does anyone classify level of inferiority of organisms?
Description SCP-### was located in a warehouse at ███████ city in ████████ ███████.
Descriptions should begin with what the item actually is. Given that the backstory isn't really interesting, there's no narrative reason to keep it at the beginning.
SCP-### is a mirror in the victorian fashion
You could just say "Victorian mirror".
made of mahogany wood with gold leaf edging and what appears to be glass, but through further investigation is shown be an unidentified substance.
Instead of that loooong phrase at the end, why not just say that the unidentified material is similar to glass?
When scanned through infrared/echolocational manner
Infrared and echolocation are not the same thing. Also, why would the Foundation use echolocation to scan something?
it is revealed from a label on the back of SCP-###
Again, excessively long phrase.
that it was manufactured in the year ████ in the city of ███████ in ██████████ ███████ at the█████████ family's workshop
You effectively blacked out anything that could have possibly be interesting.
investigation of this area has shown no abnormalities.
Should be a new sentence on its own.
Any non-microtic organism that is reflected into SCP-###
Reflected into the mirror? Not reflected by it? Also, did the Foundation actually test microscopic (my spellcheck's telling me that "microtic" isn't a word) things to make this statement?
will immediately seem to relocate within the mirror at a seemingly random location and will be rendered inanimate.
This doesn't make much sense. How does a mirror have locations? Does it seem to have a space within it? If so, that should be explained before the sucking in effect… although I'm not sure how someone would be able to observe the space if only one thing can be absorbed at a time.
note that SCP-### may only contain one organism at a time.
Capitalize the beginning word of each sentence.
further investigation of the mirror post-absorption of an organism has shown that it is not actually within the mirror but a acrylic paint-like substance on top of it.
Capitalization. Also, this sentence kind of contradicts the previous information.
one un-varying factor
Just say "consistent".
of the scenery the mirror will change to is this area will always be very heavily populated and if this area is located it is shown that a freeze-frame of the organism will be present there as shown on the mirror although it will never be tangible.
Heavily populated by what? Also, mirrors don't have any scenery besides that which they reflect. If it's portraying something besides what's immediately around it, it's not really a mirror, is it?
It has also been shown that only organisms that have experienced any interaction with the absorbed organism pre-absorption have visibility of it.
How has this been shown?
if paint is cleaned from the mirror the organism will immediately disappear from the shown location and the mirror will seemingly revert back to its typical state.
But what is the "typical state"? Also, what's with all the light things in the containment procedures? Why is light even relevant to this?
Keep in mind that as the author, you know the entire story, but the Foundation needs to have discovered what it knows about the SCP through observation and experimentation. How would someone with no prior knowledge whatsoever of the object, using only experimentation and observation, come to all the conclusions you've outlined above?
Overall, multiple sloppy formatting errors, and the item itself isn't interesting by today's standards.
- Read the How to Write an SCP Guide, especially the Templates tab, to fix up your formatting and find the rating module coding. People can't vote on sandboxes, so you don't need to worry about voting. Also, make sure you localize your image properly. Just look through the tabs for the section that says "Placing an Image".
- To fix up your containment procedures to make them more believable, I suggest reading Mackenzie's Guide on containment, especially the "Tips" section at the bottom.
- The blackboxing comes off as sloppy. Read this guide on expungment, notably the "Rancid Reasons to Redact" section. Remember, you can't rely on your audience to fill in everything. If you blackbox something, there should be enough information still left over for the reader to have a good idea what's going on in the article.
- Read over this guide to get an idea of what elements to avoid putting in an SCP article. What you have here is a generic magic object—no backstory, straightforward "thing that does a thing".
You need to add more to this draft to make it compelling enough to read. Some aspects people like to add into the SCP to give the reader more to think about include answers to questions like
- did this object ever have a greater significance before it was contained?
- was it ever special to someone?
- how was it initially discovered by the person who first owned it?
- why does it exist? Does it have a purpose?
- what might the intentions of the creator have been?
- how does it interact with others? Is it meant to do so that way?
Hello, and welcome to the website. As pointed out by Zyn, your article needs some significant work before you take it to the mainsite. I'll try to cover some points quickly, since i don't think that there is much to be salvaged from this first draft.
Some questions you may want to ask yourself:
- Why is the vault meant to have these dimensions in the first place? Unless it's absolutely necessary, you can just say "Large Standard Containment Vault".
- Since the key and the keypad open the exact same door and reveal the exact same content, why is the keypad only allowed to be used by Level-4 personnel?
Also, you have inumerous grammar issues that need to be corrected. Besides this, you don't seem to like to capitalize the first letters of your sentences and this is necessary for your article to succeed.
Lastly, refrain from using external links for the images. Upload them into your article's page and use the correct component (component:image block) to place it. A more specific tutorial is included on the How To Write An SCP guide.
Good luck!
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page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
