Previous insufficient means of containing and describing SCP-XXXX have been logged into the database.
Grammatically, this sentence needs to be re-arranged. "Previous attempts to contain and describe SCP-XXXX have been unsuccessful and have been recorded to the database."
All phones currently in production are to be engineered so that when users make phone calls, and are answered by SCP-XXXX, they will be forwarded into an automated messaging system.
Sentence structure is pretty clunky here. Maybe better as: "Any phone system currently in production must have software included to intercept any calls answered by SCP-XXXX. Calls answered by SCP-XXXX are to be immediately re-routed to an automated messaging system."
As of Incident XXXX-E-7 the market for cellphones is to be moderated, and devices that do not acquire this setting are to be apprehended by Mobile Task Force Mu-4 "Debuggers", shut down and destroyed analyzed for time, location of production, and subsequently stored in standard containment locker G-64.
Kind of a long run-on-ish sentence that could benefit from being broken a bit. "Subsequent to Incident XXXX-E-7, after-market cell phone sales are to be monitored and devices that do not include the software update are to be purchased or secured by Mobile Task Force Mu-4 "Debuggers". These devices will be shut down, and destroyed analyzed for time and production location, and stored in standard containment locker G-64."
SCP-XXXX is to remain within Sub-Unit Humanoid Containment Sector B within Site-64.
Huh? Never heard of a "Sub-Unit Humanoid Containment" before. I would just change to "Standard Humanoid Containment Unit (SHCU)".
This sector is to remain otherwise vacant, and be monitored by Level-2 personnel via surveillance cameras.
Even though it's a strike through, still needs to be grammatically and tonally correct. I would change to: "The area housing this SHCU must be kept vacant and continuously monitored via closed circuit video. Note that only Level 2 or higher personnel are cleared to perform monitoring duties on SCP-XXXX."
In response to incident XXXX-E-4, electrical power is to be cut off from this Sector.
"Following the events of Incident XXXX-E-4, all electrical power has been cut off from the SCHU housing SCP-XXXX."
Due to this change, surveillance cameras are currently dysfunctional. Mobile Task Force Eta-11 "I Can See Clearly Now" are to constantly survey the space in which SCP-XXXX is currently contained in via the use of on-site agents.
"As a result of the disconnection of electrical sources, all cameras have been rendered non-functional. Mobile Task Force Eta-11 "I Can See Clearly Now" are to be on constant patrol in and around the SHCU housing SCP-XXXX."
Foundation personnel are currently exhausting efforts to re contain SCP-XXXX within a single chamber rather than an entire sector. It is imperative that SCP-XXXX does not breach containment any further.
In light of the previously recommended changes, I would leave this out. It's unnecessary and adds nothing to the overall story.
SCP-XXXX is a poorly understood sapient entity that is affected by an anomalous phenomenon that essentially prevents outside observers from detecting the object, and renders the entity imperceptible. SCP-XXXX cannot be seen, touched, heard, nor otherwise directly noticed as verified by testing. SCP-XXXX can however, manipulate its observable surroundings, and often does this to attract the attention of aforementioned outside observers.
Ok… It's invisible. This whole huge wall of text can be summarized thusly: "SCP-XXXX is invisible, inaudible and odorless." I would really suggest re-working this paragraph because if you post it as written, I'm sure many people would down-vote in an instant as being techno-babble. ("Techno-babble" being defined as words used to make something sound more technical or clinical than it actually is.)
Common manipulations include, but are not limited to:
- Discreetly moving objects.
- Stealing food.
- Causing cameras to malfunction in it's presence.
- Closing and opening doors.
- Taking keys and making an attempt to unlock doors using the key.
- Writing various phrases on walls, chairs, books, drums, shoes, posters, human bodies (dead or otherwise), and bedsheets.
- Using computers to watch Youtube videos, and to access social media.
So, it's a poltergeist. There, easily explained.
In addition to this behavior, SCP-XXXX has acquired a separate anomaly that allows it to intercept unanswered phone calls.
Leave out the other junk about it manipulating it's surroundings and poltergeist activity and concentrate on this.
When an individual contacts another individual, SCP-XXXX will eventually answer their call, rather than the intended receiver.
Needs work… "When an individual places a call, SCP-XXXX will randomly answer instead of the intended recipient."
It is currently unknown how SCP-XXXX is able to answer various phones at a time, and how it does so without service, as observed when SCP-XXXX was placed in an underground containment cell during the enactment of Iteration-D. Considering this trait, Foundation personnel have been able to effectively "call" and interview SCP-XXXX using on-site Foundation Produced non-XXXX-safeguarded cellphones.
Huge strikethroughs like this will get you downvoted. I would either work it into the main text somehow or put it into a collapsible addendum. It also needs work as it stands now.
"Foundation Researchers have been unable to determine how SCP-XXXX is able to intercept both landline and cellular phone calls. Foundation Researchers have been able to utilize this ability however to "interview" SCP-XXXX using on-site phones specifically designed to allow connection with SCP-XXXX."
Those with Level-3 clearance may refer to the addenda to receive this input.
What addenda? What input?
SCP-XXXX is currently roaming within an entire sector rather than an individual cell due to a previous breach in containment.
Leave out. If it's not contained, it needs to be addressed quickly.
It has been extremely difficult to re-contain SCP-XXXX into a single containment cell due to the lack of direct interaction with the object.
"Due to the intangible nature of SCP-XXXX it has been difficult to maintain containment in the SHCU. Foundation Researchers are currently working on a more secure method of containment."
There have been multiple instances in which SCP-XXXX was supposedly contained in an appropriately sized chamber, but it was then found that SCP-XXXX was not in the cell at all.
Clinical tone just ran out the door. "Multiple incidents of SCP-XXXX breaching containment from it's cell have been recorded."
Below is a series of progress reports written by a Moderator who was associated with the containment of SCP-XXXX during it's discovery.
What is a "Moderator"? Do you mean "Administrator"?
I would re-word it slightly to: "Listed below are the progress reports of Administrator █████████ who was in charge of the facility at the time of SCP-XXXX's initial discovery and containment."
name of Alexander Bell
I would actually change to "Alexander G. Bell" but that's just me. (Or, if you wanted to make it a little more obscure you could just use, A.G. Bell)
It was found that if there was no receiver, then the initiator of the conversation will be answered by a separate sapience.
Errrr… I see what you're trying to do by making it sound like old fashioned writing, but in this case it falls kind of flat. I would change it to: "It has been noted that if a call is initiated with no one to receive it, occasionally it will be answered by a party unknown to the caller."
The production of the audio based telegraphs were halted until further notice.
I doubt that they would have referred to it as "audio based telegraphs." I can see "audio telegraph" or "vocal telegraph." I would personally change to: "Production of the audio telegraphy equipment has been halted until further investigation into who is able to answer these calls and by what means it is being accomplished can be completed."
Researchers began investigating the anomaly.
Remove this line.
The sapience is on the other line claimed to be the said object.
This sentence makes no sense on its own. Remember that each sentence you write should make sense both in and out of the context in which you read it.
The researcher who conducted the interview compared the sapience to her 'clingy ex-boyfriend' and 'desperate for attention.'
Breaks clinical tone and if this was actually written in 1874, I seriously doubt that they would have used a phrase like "clingy ex-boyfriend" or "desperate for attention". (The latter, possibly; the former, never.)
and me, nor my colleagues
Remember the rule: "Either -> Or, Neither -> Nor". The "nor" in this case is out of place.
So, the sentence should be re-written as:
"I apologize for my intrusion. Considering that the contents of this protocol are of utmost secrecy, neither myself, nor my colleagues have a right to infiltrate the Site grounds."
Although your intentions on keeping one of us locked up has broken that incognito appearance, I admit, you did not give the first blow.
"Although your intention in keeping one of us locked up has broken the incognito appearance; I admit, you did not give the first blow."
We are not meant to be seen, and some, eccentric loners, disregarded the natural order between you and us.
Misplaced commas. The best way to judge where a comma goes is to read it aloud. You put commas where you naturally have a pause in what you are reading.
The obstinate efforts to be noticed by your superiority deserves to be punished
Huh?
I assure you you're the only player in this game, which, my people just happen to be benefitting from.
Really sounds forced and unnatural.
A fear factor if you will, except instead of getting coal for Christmas when you misbehave and pull your sister's hair out, you instead get apprehended by The Foundation if you misbehave and get detected.
Ummm… Yeah…. I seriously doubt that an intelligence that has evolved completely separate from our own would use the exact same idioms that we use.
You will act as the Krampus we require to sustain a proper commute.
Again… HUH?
Indentations with the brand name "People of The Avius" was found on these cellphones after further research
Really clunky sentence structure. Maybe change to: "Chips found inside the phones bore the marks "People of the Avius". Research is pending."
Therefore it is likely that entities similar to SCP-XXXX are both producing the phones, and intercepting calls made by these non-safeguarded phones.
Conjecture breaks clinical tone.
do not frequent the manipulation of objects
Makes no sense as written. Can be re-written as: "does not engage in manipulation of objects"
thus remain undetected
"remains" plurality here.
thus the quantity of these entities remains unknown
Clinical tone: "thus the exact population of these entities is unknown at this time."
how they continue to be intercepted whilst SCP-XXXX is void of cellular data.
Really odd wording. I would change to: "how calls are still intercepted despite the fact that SCP-XXXX is actively being prevented from intercepting cellular signals."
Efforts pertaining to re-containing SCP-XXXX within a smaller Containment Site have been put aside and deemed a minor concern until this matter can be resolved.
"Efforts to re-contain SCP-XXXX within a smaller SHCU have been put aside for now until the larger question of how to prevent the populace as a whole from learning of the existence of SCP-XXXX can be dealt with."