Dead Forest Draft?
Nothing to see here!
Dead Forest Draft?
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» Writing Help / Help: Drafts and Critiques
» Dead Forest Draft?
Summary:
I'm trying again with making a SCP, so look it over, say what you think please.
Here's the link again!
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/alex-kaster
Edit I posted on the main page, look at this if for some reason, you want to fool around with the draft.
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Thank you, Zyn. I'll remember that later on.
This is really hard to understand and follow, and a lot here hampers what you're trying to go for.
For one:
A barrier is to be kept between the forest and the outside sector.
So… the SCP is the forest? Refer to your SCP by the SCP, so something like "A barrier is to be kept between SCP-XXXX and the area around it," rather than just say "the forest" or "the object". You can break up the monotony by calling it "the area" when tactful but just calling it "the forest" or "the object" and never by its number isn't good. Same for "the entity". What's the entity? Is it SCP-XXXX? SCP-XXXX-1? Gotta clarify.
NOTICE: No image is available as entering the object is not allowed at any time.
Also, this isn't needed. If you can't find an image for it or don't want to use an image, just don't use one. There's no need to justify not having a picture in-universe unless it has to do with the thing's properties.
As of now, testing is discontinued in the case the entity now named as SCP-XXXX-2 having a chance to escape once again.
Where did SCP-XXXX-2 come from? What IS SCP-XXXX-2? This is confusing since you never clarify what SCP-XXXX or SCP-XXXX-1 is in the first place.
A barrier is to be kept between the forest and the outside sector. The height is to be 8.20 meters high at all times.
Why does the barrier need to be that big? Is this entity so big that we have to construct something this large all around it? It seems like the thing people would notice.
There's a lot here that I can't understand due to not designating which thing is what, but the bigger issue is that there's very little that makes me want to latch on or want to read. Some forest, and an entity in it that could hurt you… and that's it? Not only is there little here in terms of a story or imagery, but it feels similar to one already done: SCP-1692. What sets this apart from that? This needs to be fleshed out enough in order for you to get whatever kind of narrative and emotions you want to instill in the reader across, and coherent enough so that people won't be lost trying to understand something as simple as what's what.
Decibelles, I greatly thank you for the help. In fact, some of the things I said were pointless, and are now being revised as I type this. Anyway, I'll get back to working on this, hopefully I can finally get this right!
Edit: Changes complete, feel free to take a new look at it.
Nothing to see here.
Calm down, man. This has been on the forums for two days, tops. Some people wait a week.
If you really couldn't wait for feedback, you should have gone to the IRC chat for real-time critique, or asked a staff member to direct chat attention to this.
IRC wasn't getting me anywhere, the staff member I asked has been given a full day, and I'm pretty sure you aren't synchronizing finals. You know what? Screw giving up. I'm getting back in the game (Once I dig out my Sandbox again)
IRC wasn't getting me anywhere
No offense, but if you didn't get anywhere on IRC, that's on you (or your wifi connection). If you can't manage to get anything from chat, ping an op and ask them if they could wave the link to your draft thread around and get some more eyes on it.
the staff member I asked has been given a full day
Then go ask someone else. None of the staff are paid for this, so IRL will always take priority.
I'm pretty sure you aren't synchronizing finals.
I'm not sure what this means, but I actually do have final exams this week. Had my first break today, went out for sushi with some friends, and glanced at the site a few times.
Good luck in your writing endeavors.
Thanks for the luck, and I'll clarify the last part. As in: I'm not sure if both of you are taking exams at once, but judging how time zones barely change by hours, I suppose so. I'll try for IRC again, or another staff. Good luck in your exam work.
In this particular case, I think the bumping and the conversation with Zyn might have worked against your odds: we tend to assign higher priority to threads with no answers.
As per chat, it really varies from hour to hour and even from day to day how much (good) feedback you can get. A lot of us try to be available for that as often as possible, but there's other times when we're just there to hang out. The trick is being persistent (but not spammy). Edit: my last comment is not an accusation, just a general comment.
/forum/t-1148769/dead-forest-draft#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
