SCP Foundation

[http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/secretlysasquatch]

Read a tale that got like third place from last year that, in my opinion, underused SCP-883.

I really like the whole idea behind the space bend creatures and i attempted to take a swing at what I would have liked to see from the tale.

I thought it would be cool to see the space inside SCP-883 less as a monotonous labyrinth and more as a complicated ecosystem. I tried to stay as true to the original SCP description as I could while also making it a fun read.
Being fairly new to creating content I decided to build my characters from the ground up myself, and since this SCP is a less popular one I thought that making the characters ones that have an "underappreciated" feel would be cool addition.

PLEASE let me know what you think and if there are any easy to fix inconsistencies or problems.
thanks in advance

The spacing (or rather, lack thereof) makes this incredibly confusing to read. It looks like a giant wall of text to me.

Furthermore, there are some general narrative issues that I feel make the piece a bit boring to read through

• You have a ton of dialogue that is just "quote" (action)ed [character]. Try to vary your sentence structure a bit, give the characters more action in between dialogue, otherwise it's like reading robots.
• Actually, quite frankly, you have a ton of dialogue in general. So much of this tale is just people talking; I wonder if it might be better to just format it as an interview log since it keeps looking like you'll run out of unique verbs to use.
• The names are kind of silly. Are they intended to be that way? I raised an eyebrow at "Commander John Doe", and again at "Dr. Konko".
• Couple punctuation issues (e.g. "Looks like you’re commanding officer" is either missing a comma or has a misspelling, "Inside a conference table was set up in a room with a large window" is missing a comma)
• Try spacing out the scene changes with a divider line or something. It just looks too jumbled.

Overall, the beginning 10 or so paragraphs didn't hold my interest long enough to become invested in the story. Please format this correctly, because it just looks really sloppy at this point. If the author doesn't take the time to use basic correct formatting and avoid simple mistakes, why should the reader take the time to slog through 10+ pages of this stuff?