SCP Draft
So here's the link to the SCP I've been working on since last night. Critiques and suggestions are helpful!
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/lady-max
We ignore the fact that this post was my SCP. I'm learning.
SCP Critique
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» SCP Critique
Summary:
The SCP I've been working on since last night. Help is welcomed! So is critiquing.
"Pure energy" isn't a thing. Energy is an inherent property of matter. There is no quantum of energy. It's not a thing that can something can be, it's a measurement of a system.
Okay to the fact that it was written late at night my mind wasn't really working at that point. I think by energy I was trying to say electricity and some sort of shadow manipulation but the SCP is very confusing cause there's two versions of her that I've created.
Is this a Mary Sue?
Even if it isn't there are problems:
SCP-XXXX was originally housed in a 6 by 6 meter room at Site-17 that included a twin size bed with red cotton sheets to be changed every few days. A dresser with shirts of black and red cotton shirts and numerous pairs of denim jeans.
This is not necessary information. You may revise this statement and use strikethrough to show a change in procedures
SCP-XXXX is mortal and is prone to become sick often and is easily injured. Soldiers are required to used no force on her due to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. ████████ ordered for her to be given appropriate medical treatment to help build her immune system against sicknesses.
Mortal isn't exactly the most testable or necessary information.
It moments of intense emotional outburst she will become pure energy and becomes very dangerous. She has been known to melt the metal chain restrains during a outburst though she is easy to contain when she spots Dr. ████████.
So is she weak or powerful? Also I think turning into pure energy would kill her (there isn't anything in this document that details her transformation back)
The possibly worst thing about this is the mixed signals throughout. Appeal to one emotion empathy or fear. Also hints of Mary Sue.
The character is a very old character of mine and I've evolved her so many times that some Mary Sue is noticeable. She's actually a roleplay character. The energy deal was some midnight insanity and I'm planning on fixing some stuff about her. I'm also going for a more empathy with a little fear underneath.
The character is confusing. I'm used to roleplaying her.
I wouldn't recommend writing up a character you're used to roleplaying as, since it can be difficult to balance writing an SCP that the community likes and trying to remain true to the aspects of the character as you've been roleplaying.
Humanoids are actually pretty difficult to write successfully; if you're really set on writing one, then take a look at this handy guide.
Well she was originally a story character and is supposed to be a full out Creepypasta character but I kinda ditched the idea after a while cause I cannot write horror…now gore is another story but it's rare for me to write major gore and SCP's are kinda like how trying to write Creepypasta's were to me. Very difficult and confusing.
If you're looking for SCPs that are a good example of current site standards, I recommend reading the high-rated Series II and III articles (SCPs with numbers from 1000 to 2999). There are many inspirational articles in Series I, but articles written four or more years ago are less likely to be up to current community expectations, even if they've got a lot of upvotes. Remember to pay attention to how old an article is when deciding if you'll use it as a guide or not; you can (and should) check article age by clicking the "History" link at the bottom of a page, and looking for the page creation date.
/forum/t-1168282/scp-critique#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
