1: Fixed.
2: I felt that giving exact dimensions was preferable, since it would tell anyone reading it what the Foundation deemed the minimum dimensions for the creature's containment and health. I also thought it sounded a bit more professional, since "suitable for containing an aquatic organism" sounds somewhat too vague to me.
3: Not sure how to format this…"between 10 and 20° C" looks weird to me, but "between 10°C and 20°C" also looks weird. Advice?
4: Hm. Fixed. I pity the poor researcher who had to count them…
5: Removed from footnote.
6: The article mentions that they extend "as far as space allows". So they don't come anywhere near max length.
7: I'll rewrite that section.
8: I don't see the spacing issues you mentioned. I'll look again when I'm less tired.
9: All right. I personally really like that part, but most of the feedback I've gotten (which, granted, has consisted of about five people total) says to remove it. Should I ditch that whole part or just the note? For now I've edited the note to make it sound less "exploitive".
10: I mentioned that the specimen had told the researcher it was OK with the blood test, and they did not at that point have any reason to suspect it was not in full control of the tendrils. A machine, on the other hand, would probably have freaked it out even more. That said, I suppose the article doesn't fully explain that. Any ideas how I can make it clearer?
11: Yeah, that's a remnant of an old idea I had that I ended up ditching. Bye-bye pointless addenda.
12: I was hoping for some minor humor in that the specimen didn't stop escaping because it liked the foundation - it stopped because it got bored of Danvers. I suppose that didn't work. I'd rather not ditch the entire addendum if possible…suggestions on rewriting it? I guess I could remove the whole part about it restraining Danvers and just have it get bored and return to it's tank. Would that be better?
13: Fixed.
14: It was sorta supposed to tie in to the "the tentacles are edible" bit, in that they just realized that their "field rations" have the same DNA as their late coworkers. Since the edible part might be removed, I'll have to think of some other way to expand on the DNA bit.
"It likes working with the foundation". It's more that it doesn't really care, and is willing to play along as long as they feed it. I'll have to remove some of the parts of it being helpful so it doesn't look like the specimen is looking for a job. :P As for something overall being done with it-I'm not sure how much of a "story" I can put here, since it's mainly just a record of a weird creature they have contained. I can try to add a few more hints about something though…I'll think about it.
1):
I'd reduce the expungements; if there's anywhere that you can just make shit up to fill in a blackbox, it's a lot more informative and makes the expungements that you do leave in that much more effective. Names, dates; they're all arbitrary, so set this whenever you want with whoever you want.
Eskobar said that re: the last draft. And it was blackboxes, I didn't use any [REDACTED].
2): Much better. Fixed.
