here is the article
first attempt at an article
have 0 clue if it's good or bad, would really like criticism
The idea seems alright, but most of the fear factor is thrown off by some awkward tone and flow.
SCP-XXX {Bed Bugs}
In the title of the article, only refer to it as SCP-XXXX. The name 'Bed Bugs' would be used in on the mainlist entry. Also, since these aren't actually bed bugs, I'd find another name.
Elucid
'Euclid'
SCP-XXX-1 are
'SCP-XXXX-1 is' or 'Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are'
initial layer of concrete, then a secondary layer of condensed limestone.
Give some measurements as to how thick each layer is supposed to be.
underground Site ██ In
'underneath Site ██. In'
they must sit in the chemical shower
Just sit there? Change the wording so they are actually being decontaminated.
These are the plants that instances of SCP-XXX-1 have been found in, but they show no preference in habitat.
This should be in the description.
activatable
'activated'
SCP-XXX-2 are
Same as before, either 'SCP-XXXX-2 is' or 'Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 are'.
smoke
What kind of smoke? Wood? Grass?
nullify
'sedate'
and SCP-XXX-2 refers to those contaminated with SCP-XXX-1.
This sentence doesn't work. Rewrite.
Ixodes pacificus
Scientific names should be italicized.
Typically done while the host is sleeping, SCP-XXX-1 will attach themselves to the host in a typical fashion.
This sentence is unnecessary. If the ticks exhibit the same behaviours as normal ticks, everything they do is typical.
pimples, warts, moles, [REDACTED], etc.
What kind of skin blemish needs to be redacted?
Once attached,
You've already stated what they do when they attach; this is what they do after they've camouflaged themselves.
sharp
This might just be me, but I don't like how this word is used. You don't have to, but I'd use a different word.
extensively pointed out to them.
What does this mean?
SCP-XXX-2 manifest
'Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 manifest'
take root in the brain stem
'attach to the brain stem'
it's
'its'
blood of any source.
'blood from any source' or 'blood of any kind'.
Through unknown means, the ticks become engorged with blood as their host consumes it.
I don't really see how this is unknown; that's what ticks do, get engorged with blood and all that.
SCP-XXX-2
'Instances of SCP-XXXX-2'
an unlivable degree,
I don't like how this is worded.
all of the instances
'all instances'
brain-stem
'brain stem'
they will still only
'they will only'
it's
'its'
The colony
The bush isn't the colony, the bush is the habitat.
12 year old Belle
These ticks don't seem grant the host any special powers. How is it that a 12-year-old managed to overpower and kill two adults? Also, you forgot the hyphens in '12-year-old'.
Idea: 3/5
Execution: 2/5
Tone: 2/5
Grammar/Spelling: 3/5
Flow: 2/5
~~~~~~~
12/25
Sentence: Downvote
Closing Comments: As stated above, the idea is okay, but you need to work on your tone and flow. Your grammar/spelling is okay, but could use some fixes. The last paragraph is awkwardly worded and a bit ridiculous; I recommend rewriting it.
The numerical score bit isn't really necessary. Given that the system you're using here is essentially only fully understood by you (heck, some people would be happy with an 80% satisfaction on execution. What are people supposed to be aiming for? 5s across the board? 90% or higher out of 25? Why don't you use 0.5 intervals? etc.), including it doesn't really help the author.
I do apologize. It made sense in my head, but I did not stop to think if it would make sense to others. Since my primary goal in giving critique is to help the author to improve, and this clearly does not accomplish that, I will refrain from this kind of format in the future. I thank you for pointing this out to me.
thanks for the criticism, my biggest concern when writing this was that i didn't get down all the style of an SCP article; stuff like the word choice, syntax, tone, etc. i'll get working on a second draft.
=)
finished up the second draft. i went off of most of Ious's corrections for most of it. also re-wrote the last paragraph and included details of other cases of xxx-2.
my intent with this article was to be creepy, but i don't think i did that well enough. i was thinking of adding an interview with belle.