Draft: Internal Flame
A link to it http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/nate-helios thank you for checking it. The Help is appreciated.
Draft: Internal Burn
Forum
» Writing Help / Help: Drafts Critique
» Draft: Internal Burn
Summary:
A new SCP I need run by to make a better story
We have an ever-burning candle (that will light anything it touches on fire that can't be put out) and spontaneous human combustion (from a disease analog) already.
Thank you I will find a way to change it. Thank you sir. I have edited what the items its properties of way of killing to acid.
An organism's tissues turning too acidic is a real syndrome: acidemia.
Also, "medieval" from 19th century Latin "medium aevum" and not an alignment between True Neutral and Chaotic Evil from Gygax by way of Moorcock. Are "Medieval Fairs" a thing anyway? In California we have Renaissance Faires which are solidly 16th century Elizabethan.
Hmm thank you I am sorry bout the medieval fairs things and that will be fixed. Changed it to mercury and changed reason of prolonged death to misterius this should help fix it.
Don't need to fix it, I am genuinely curious. I personally have thought a lot about organizing a fair set in a 12th or 13th century Crusader State rather than Elizabethan England.
Where I live we have those with knights and stuff and thats what I ment but thats off topic please check on the update and speak your toughs.
I have to say, I am more interested in hypothetical Medieval Faires than I am in your skip. :(
The writing is very poor, and it is difficult to read. Really you should make sure it is more or less coherent before you ask people to read it. Did you try reading it aloud? Phrases like "Renaissance attractions fair" don't even sound right.
The concept doesn't seem to be very interesting, logical or really much there. You go into a environmental area or booth or something, something whispers to you and you die from some anomalous condition?
This isn't really very interesting, it is a lethal thing, but there are many lethal things even in the real world.
Also how could it possibly go unnoticed? The people who built the building and who work there should be affected. The local government health and building inspectors would have noticed. Even failing that people getting sick from a weird syndrome is the kind of thing that epidemiology exists for. The whole thing about the whispering knight makes little sense, why would people who work there assume it is part of the show? What about during off-hours? We sleep in our buildings over the weekends of the run here, and they get inspected by officials before opening. I doubt Canada is much different.
Hmm alright thanks If I can't think of anything I will propally scrap it. If you think you have any ideas on how let me know. You don't no biggie. What if I change the gimmic to it takes away emotion after a month and also removes some of the subjects memories of happiness?
/forum/t-1238060/draft:internal-burn#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
