Help with SCP
SCP can be found in tab 2
Thanks!
Help with SCP
Forum
» Writing Help / Help: Drafts and Critiques
» Help with SCP
Summary:
Looking for help and critique on my SCP
My biggest problem with it is that there's no real hook. What story are you trying to tell here? Who built it and why, or how did it get the way it is? You don't need to tell us those things, necessarily, but you should know the answers, and they should be hinted at.
Close second in problems is that it's pretty cliche. It's a magic tractor that goes into a rage state and kills stuff (in this case, "non air vehicles). And then it has a tractor mutant healing factor.
Thanks! I've gone in and made some changes to the article. One of the biggest things was removing the healing factor. I really don't know why I put it there. Also I gave it little backstory by saying who made it. I decided to leave the why up to the reader.
Thanks for the help and for reviewing article.
OK, I see some changes to the nature of your SCP's powers and attacks. Rage range reduced by half. Deletion of healing factor ability, addition of mysterious ability to kill offending vehicles, but not their passengers. But then you expunged any further discussion of that effect. Your mileage may vary, but this isn't enough to get my imagination going. Gotta have some more details to get me thinking about why it doesn't hurt the passengers. It seems like you're on the verge of having some story poke through here. That's a good thing. I'd say put more of the story down now; you can always redact and reduce and imply it out before you publish it.
And then at the very end you've added a name drop for the Oneiroi Collective. I read up on other SCPs tagged as related to them, and I came to a quick conclusion about what they're basically about. If you had to sum up the Oneiroi Collective in ONE WORD, what would that word be? And does your SCP really tie into that?
Ok I added more backstory to exactly how The SCP gained it's ability to allow occupants to survive by a incident were a SCP which was being transported and the team transporting it accidentally the SCPS area of effect.
I would sum up the oneiroi collective as: Mind.
My reasoning is that their SCPS seem to effect humans or the human mind in some way. I added in a bit of info on how my SCP affects the human mind so that it fits in with the other SCPS made by the Oneiroi Collective
I would have said the one word that sums up Oneiroi Collective SCPs is "dream" but I suppose that's open to interpretation.
I'm very worried about the latest update, specifically your SCP's encounter with SCP-███. First off, it smacks of the LOLFoundation trope: "We let our transportation vehicle for SCP-███ get within range of the tractor that smashes vehicles, oops!" Second, adding a cross-link to another SCP for the purpose of gaining your SCP a new power is bad. Your SCP MUST be able to stand on its own. For this same reason, the Oneiroi Collective mention is turning into a bad thing for your SCP.
I would suggest you take some time to step back and reevaluate your idea for this SCP. Outline for yourself what your SCP's story is. This is just my opinion, but I would say do not try to fit your first SCP into an established Group of Interest (much better for somebody else to notice a possible connection on their own).
First things first, Dreaming is a function of the mind. And while most SCP related to them to affect dreams, they also affect other portions of the mind. Second, I removed targeting one group of interest. Instead pointing to one I expunged the part where it once identify a group to allow people to connect it to a group on there own. Let me know what you think. also I'm still trying to think of the not harming ocupants part so i put in a place holder bit.
.
OK, let's try a new tactic, see if we can determine if there's something worth keeping from this skip. I'm going to you some of the questions that pop into my head as I read this. I'd like you to try and look at the whole of the concept you've got, rather than troubleshooting point-by-point at this stage. OK, here we go.
Procedures:
-What are the 2 guards for? Should they be armed with something specific?
-What constitutes a "non air vehicle"? Which of the following do, or do not, provoke a reaction? Forklift/hand truck? Car/"Power Wheels" ride-on toy/RC car toy? Boats?
-Is any sort of testing permitted? Presenting a "trigger" vehicle? Attempting to disassemble the SCP?
Description:
-"Unknown make and year." Does it resemble anything? If so, how does it differ?
-What exactly have we tried when attempting to drive it?
-When triggered, are its motions anomalous? Can it accelerate to unreasonable speeds? What affects do restraints have against its motion?
-Are the materials it is constructed of anomalous? If not, how does it smash its way out of containment without destroying itself? Does it attempt to preserve its own functionality during an attack?
-"It will then proceed to slam into the vehicle until it is incompletely immobilized." 2nd "it": the SCP or the "target" vehicle? What does "incompletely immobilized" mean?
-Re: not injuring passengers. How is this accomplished? What would it do to me if I were riding a unicycle around it?
-After the 5-10min attack period, is there a "reset" time or action before it attacks again? What if there are more target vehicles nearby than it can disable in 10 minutes?
-When attempting to return home (to the Ukraine, now) how does it navigate? Straight line or roads? Will it attempt to ford rivers? Climb mountains? Plunge off cliffs or into the ocean? Can it be stopped or captured?
-About how it came to be: this could make or break your SCP. If it ultimately boils down to "magic" then I'm sorry to say that there's probably not enough of a hook to make it work. And tread lightly when referencing other SCPs.
If you've got a backstory in your head for this SCP, now's the time to show it, because so far, nothing I've seen would save this from an Early Deletion Vote when it gets mainlisted. I hope that's not too harsh.
/forum/t-1240925/help-with-scp#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
