SCP Database
SCP Library
Site
SCP Community
Under the tab marked "Idea #4": http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/reptilicus
In particular, I'd like to know how I could improve the flow of the article and whether or not I should stick with it being an organism shaped like a polyhedron or have the SCP's true form be unknown and the polyhedron is just the best the human mind can come up with.
I like the title. Titles don't have to have too much to do with the document usually. SCP-2662 is titled "cthulhu f'UCK OFF!" but he's not very Cthulhu-esque. He's more Christian demon.
But that aside, line-by-line!
SCP-XXXX is to be contained within a steel containment chamber located at Site-66.
SCP-XXXX is to be fed a live domesticated animal three times a week; animal remains should be removed once SCP-XXXX enters its dormant state.
SCP-XXXX is to be monitored by two cameras located within its cell which should be checked at least once a day.
In the event of a containment breach, SCP-XXXX should be sedated with a live goat injected with tranquilizers.
SCP-XXXX is a living organism in the shape of a great retrosnub icosidodecahedron with a dark red chitinous shell and measuring at a diameter if 65 cm.
SCP-XXXX is capable of hovering 91 cm off of the ground and is able to move up to 40 km/h, the mechanism behind this is currently unknown.
SCP-XXXX lives off a diet of mammal blood but may also feed off of poultry;
SCP-XXXX has a preference towards animals in the Bos or Capra genus. It accomplishes this by calmly approaching its prey,
a neurotoxin which, when injected, completely paralyzes prey within 10-20 seconds of introduction.
If SCP-XXXX's venom is aerosolized, however, its effects are slowed and may even cause hallucinations.
When a human comes within three meters of SCP-XXXX, it will attempt to retreat and hide.
If SCP-XXXX is cornered or provoked by a single human,
SCP-XXXX was recovered on
March 25, 1975
SCP-XXXX was found […] before it was tranquilized and transported to Site-66.
The laborer was given Class-A amnestics and fed the cover story of being attacked by a bird-like creature based on an earlier report that was unrelated to SCP-XXXX.
It is unknown if SCP-XXXX has any link to the UFO sightings that took place in the area around the same time.
Overview: Downvote. It's written acceptably, for the most part. It's in need of some rearranging but the tone is pretty consistent. A major problem though, what's weird about it isn't focused on enough. I can see that you've tried but the shape thing comes off as kind of an afterthought. And without its shape, it's just a boring old Chupacabra. Even with the shape the anomaly is it can hover, so the shape doesn't really matter much in the first place. There are things in nature that are shaped very bizarrely.
I'm also confused as to how it detects anything around it. There's no mention of eyes. Or echolocation. You go over how the digestive system works (which is a step in the right direction) but that's all you've really answered.
Side note, since the shape is the major thing here, you should include a picture.
As per the norm, sorry if this seems harsh, feel free to disregard anything I've said, have a fantastic day.
Thank you very much for your help, I really appreciate it and have made most of the changes you've suggested as well as making a few of my own. I think my primary problem was that I simply was more focused on the concept than the execution and I'll do my best to expand on the creature's biology. Although do you think you could give me some questions about its biology that I should address to give me a bit of focus? Also would you happen to know where I can look types of tranquilizers and their dosage? And finally, I have considered putting a picture of a great retrosnub icosidodecahedron but I can't quite think of a reason for why, in-universe, SCP doesn't just take a picture of it instead of showing a model of what it looks like.
Biology questions: When it hovers, what happens to the environment around it that researchers can detect? If the method of hovering isn't known that's fine, but if it's exhibiting force on the ground below it or manipulating the air then that's something into how it might be doing it.
How does it perceive stimuli? The most important senses for that are sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. Taste can go without being addressed, but for a predatory creature smell could stand to be tested. Hearing, sight and touch probably need to be looked into.
Is it made of flesh under a shell, or is it some sort of living crystallization? For an example of something similar, I believe that SCP-939 is an SCP because of the fact that it's more object than animal. It might also be good to read over how 939 specimens are described, since it does the anomalous biology thing really well and can be a pretty nice guide for people trying to do something similar.
For a photo, maybe you could manipulate an image of a hovering great retrosnub icosidodecahedron matching the description of your SCP, or ask nicely if anybody would consider doing it for you.
I don't have time to go over your article in detail again right now, so I'll come back and do that later. I read over the updated containment procedures though and you need to do a proofread to clean up some of the spelling and grammar errors.
Thanks, I've already come up with something for its ability to float and I'll work on its reaction to stimuli. Although in regards to the photo, is there anybody on this site who is known for their ability to manipulate photos?
Faminepulse is listed on the expert witnesses page as somebody who can help with image manipulation, but you have to provide him a draft of what you want first. He seems like the guy to ask.
Alright thanks, have you read the updated draft?
I'll get on that right now.
Okay, the new one is closer than the first, but still needs some work.
The Special Containment Procedures need more to them. The Procedures should attempt to be interesting as well as the description. Elaborate a bit.
once SCP-XXXX enters its dormant state.
Researchers are still investigating how SCP-XXXX is able to live despite its shape and what kind of environment could produce such an organism.
SCP-XXXX is estimated to have over 100 eyes across its body. Each eye is 2 cm in diameter
five spheres measuring roughly 24 cm in diameter and eight spheres measuring roughly 7 cm in diameter.
When SCP-XXXX sees a human comes within three meters of it,
however, he would later report to the local newspaper that he was attacked by a bird-like creature similar to one reported in the area two weeks ago.
Regarding the SCP-2636-1 addendum, linking your SCP to another SCP when it doesn't really need to be is typically considered bad form. Even if you want to do it you should also ask the other author's permission beforehand (in this case Djoric). The addendum also doesn't seem to add much.
The second part of the addendum wherein the specimen they have attempts to escape seems separate from the first part, and adds a previously unmentioned ability out of nowhere. It reads as something tacked on the end for no reason.
Thanks again although what's funny is I actually did ask Djoric for permission and he said it was okay, in fact the first part of the addendum was his suggestion, originally I was just going to ask if I could replace the [REDACTED] with SCP-2636. Also my reasoning behind the Addendum was that I had another user, SoundChaser, review it and while he did give me some good tips, he basically said it met the bare minimum of interest so I thought I might be able to spice it up a bit more. And yes, I know that SCP Crossing is generally frowned upon but they both suggested it might work.
In that case I would say the addendum is fine but still seems randomly thrown onto the end as an afterthought. If you could find a way to integrate it a little better it would help get you past the bar of interest, I think.
Any suggestions?
I've had a read and what I think is that you need to make something about this creature significant. It's good-weird but not hugely scary because it isn't hostile to humans unless seriously provoked/cornered (which is okay, it doesn't have to be scary).
Just some questions to provoke thought:
Is there a reason we should be worried about this creature? Why doesn't it use the electromagnetic pulse more often?
Are there a lot of these creatures still running around?
Are they particularly intelligent?
It's definitely cool the creature being a seriously funky shape and with some google images of the shape I get a really clear image of what this thing would look like, so I like that.
Not really any particular criticism I guess, just that I agree with Cupertino that you need to find some more ways to engage the audience with your concepts. The funky shape is definitely going towards that.
