SCP Foundation

http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/mludd

Long-time lurker, first attempt at writing my own. All criticism welcome.

I'm a little concerned it's too wordy. Also particularly looking for a title. I'm a fan of innocuous titles, so I might stick with "A Wrench" (which is amazingly not taken), but I wouldn't be opposed to something a little more poetic or descriptive.

Ehh… I seem to be saying this a lot today, but it's applicable here: Right now, you have an object with a clearly defined activation and function, with no context or backstory, essentially a generic magic object. I recommend adding some more to this, because at this point the idea seems to be more of an anomalous object than an SCP that would merit specific Foundation containment. Also, I'm pretty sure we have at least two objects that change the user's perceptions of things in relation to a field of vision rotating… but the effect in question isn't particularly compelling here. I'd like to know more about why this thing exists, what its purpose might have been, was it created by someone and if so why, stuff like that. Make it more than a thing that does a thing.

Furthermore, the expungment is a little sloppy (for example, "half inside the sink cabinet, with his torso [DATA EXPUNGED]" could have "covered in glittery finger-paint and unicorn dung" behind the expungment. There's only so much you can expect a reader to input given the context, and using expungment as a placeholder for "insert scary here" isn't particularly novel anymore.) Check out this guide on expungment to fix that.

Try affiliating the SCP with another GOI, like the Factory. This might give you some leeway in creating a more interesting backstory for it. Also, I agree that you should iterate more on what happened to the person who first acquired the SCP. You can leave the expungement, but should add more. An example would be:

"The subject was found in the apartment, with most of his body was [REDACTED], and the subject's vital organs and muscle mass were brutally [REDACTED]."

Field Agent Clarkson: Poor bastard…left one hell of a mess behind for us to clean up.

Something along those lines.