#:SCP-2140
Spacing
Object Class: Euclid/Keter
Why?
SCP-2140 needs to be contained
Usually it's better to phrase things prescriptively, rather than saying they're neccesary. 'is to be' rather than 'has to be'.
15 by 15 meter room
That's pretty huge.
cold air needs to be regulated into the room at all times
Why not say what temp it needs to be kept at instead?
Checks on all air regulators are mandatory and must be checked every hour for signs of it still working
You can just say when they should be done. If it's in the containment, it's implied to be mandatory.
Give a temperature, people have different ideas of what that is. Also, spacing.
Go to control terminal 8B And switch on
1) Don't randomly capitalize stuff.
2) Say that someone needs to do it, not the person reading the document. It's confusing to switch around who you're talking about like that.
ECB (Emergency Cooling Bot.)
1) That's kind of a silly name. Why would it be a robot? Why would they call it a bot?
2) Period should be on the other side of that )
Failure to to do this will result of all personnel near SCP-2140 to die.
It would be 'the death of all personnel near SCP-2140', I think. Also, how close is close? What would make them die?
Description:SCP-2140
Spacing
SCP-2140 is hard to describe
This phrasing is pretty eh.
he changes
Use it, not he. The document should be impersonal.
But, with every form, SCP-2140 is always extremely bright and hot.
This phrasing isn't great. You don't need to put it as a stipulation, just say that all forms have that in common. Also, that's a pretty subjective assessment, couldn't you give some concrete point of reference? Some temp /brightness level range or minimum?
change heat and
I don't think you're using the concept of heat correctly here.
which makes this SCP hard to contain.
This is awkward tonally.
is sentient, but has only talked once, doing a interview with The Doctor
1) Is it sentient or is it sapient?
2) This phrasing is awkward to read.
3) During, not doing.
4) 'an interview'
5) The Doctor is a character from a British sci-fi show. A real doctor wouldn't be referred to as such.
the foundation
Foundation is capitalized, as it is a proper noun.
near site 11
Wrong formatting on the site there.
site 23
Same as above
permanent placement
I feel 'containment' would read better, and make more sense.
and will be explained here
You can just go ahead and do it, you don't need to tell us you're going to.
the axlion Galaxy
Capitalization.
in its area because it was living
This means nothing without some explanation of how that works. Like, a star is by definition a non-living object. So it's not some minor distinction to just say it was living.
SCP-2140 recalls everything, comets, rouge planets, everything that entered the solar system, SCP-2140 saw.
This phrasing is way off tone.
a (INFORMATION REDACTED)
Usually it would just be [REDACTED]. Also, that's kindof a cop-out as far as explaining what the thing is. If there's no plausible explanation for how it works, you don't need to make it seem as though there is one.
SCP-2140 quickly blasted off, crashing in to a planet previous to earth
1) 'blasted off' is way off tone, and doesn't really make sense in this situation in the first place.
2) What does 'previous to earth' mean?
3) If you're talking about the Earth in relation to other space stuff, it's capitalized.
destroyed, but a small part of the planet, roughly 900 pounds, survived
1) That's a lot of commas.
2) Use metric, not US customary or imperial.
3) That's a pretty tiny chunk of rock, when we're talking about planets.
by Extraterrestrials
1) That wouldn't be capitalized, as far as I know.
2) Kind of a bare-bones way to say that, isn't it?
The only thing we know about these "aliens" is that every single one of the Aliens were 5"2
1) Why the quotes?
2) It's not capitalized.
3) Again, use metric.
SCP-2140 was very friendly about the Aliens, but accidentally killed all the aliens. SCP-2140 greatly regrets this, and wishes to go back in time to fix this.
This doesn't really make sense, and sounds very silly. 'friendly about' is super weird wording.
The interview log isn't formatted properly, and doesn't really sound like dialogue.
(account deleted) 16 Jul 2015 00:33
