SCP Draft "Gravitational Asteroids"
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An SCP Draft about Asteroids
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» An SCP Draft about Asteroids
Summary:
Is this ready for the main site yet?
If not, please point out the problems I have missed.
So the base idea here of mysterious asteroids with mysterious cores that do something weird every once in a while is… well a little bit boring. There's some questionable science going on here, mainly in that the think it's safer somehow at Earth's L4 and L5 Lagrange points for some reason. Yes those are stable points but there are still plenty of rocks that can get perturbed at those points. And there are plenty of other places you could put these that wouldn't be closer to earth.
I'd be remiss if I failed to mention that you use a footnote to define "perturbations" on its second use and not it's first, by the way.
Beyond that, without some more information on what's driving these things, or what's going on, there's no joy to this mystery. When something is this steeped in science it needs to be more interesting than this to keep the reader going. Try to find a story in this and don't be afraid to tell it. I can almost feel the inklings of a story you've developed for this but then chose not to include (except through very subtle hints), but it needs that backstory to really work.
Good luck with your draft.
You see… that's a problem. I can't think of a good story behind this so I instead tried to start on a new draft where I put the backstory first since people always seem to hit me right there.
It may surprise you but all attempts I've made so far have resulted in the same reaction… Boring. Why this is I don't know but you guys keep saying I need to make a story, not an object if I'm not mistaken.
Okay, I don't have a huge amount of time but I have two points to make; one technical, one thematic.
First the technical bit. I'm relatively sure that the concept of gravitational waves doesn't really make sense. For starters, all waves have to travel through a medium (gas, liquid, water, plasma) except for light because light has both wave and particle properties. So waves do not travel through space unless they are light waves, and considering light has negligible mass they aren't going to be causing any gravitational effects, so whatever you have isn't a wave with its current properties. Not to mention that gravity, in the sense of the attraction of smaller bodies to a larger body, happens because the larger body has a whole lot of mass. That's what gravity is: something that has a lot of mass pulling smaller things towards it. It just doesn't make sense to me for some kind of ray or particle through space having a huge amount of mass.
Tl;dr the concept of 'gravitational waves' needs some reworking.
The second bit about what you said in your last comment, that you need to make a story rather than an object, is just kind of a shift in what you do with your article. You have these weird asteroids that are dangerous to life on earth because they can direct asteroids towards us. Cool. What are they for? Where did they come from? You've tried to hook us with some science about the strangeness of the asteroids, now where does the strangeness and danger lead?
An idea which popped into my head is what if they're some kind of probes sent to our solar system to whack asteroids into earth until all intelligent life is dead and the aliens/beings that sent it can colonise what's left of earth?
That's not meaning to tell you what to do, that's just a random idea of expanding the story. Maybe you don't give us the whole story, just give us some more clues and more of a taste of what's going on. Maybe the objects are alive in some way? Try to think of somewhere interesting to take the asteroids.
That's a fair bit of ranting and I hope it's helpful and doesn't sound too harsh. Good luck and if i'm contradicted by anyone more senior then definitely listen to them.
A sentient asteroid…. Hmmm. That gives some ideas. The initial idea wasn't about redirecting asteroids at earth, that was just a scenario for the Foundation to react to urgently containing the objects. But taking the whole object in this way may be a good idea. Making the cores the sentient beings within the "asteroids"
Now that would be an interesting narrative. You're great at this.
I care more about how much people care about guiding me into making my first successful main list submission. I have noticed myself improving and my most recent draft, my "Any Mammal draft which I centred around a rather basic anomaly but giving it an in depth story. I will try with this draft saying all hope's not lost (unlike for a draft about sex I made when I was new. That was a disaster)
/forum/t-1285440/an-scp-draft-about-asteroids#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
