SCP Foundation

Item #: SCP-2111

FYI, SCP numbers aren't reserved. It's fine as a placeholder, but don't expect it to be free when you're ready to post.

Subject is to be kept in a room at least 30x30x15

What units? And why precisely that size? Also, "subject" is the word used to describe the target of a SCP's effects, not the SCP itself.

lined with aluminum

Why aluminum? Aluminum does nothing to block radio transmissions.

SCP-2111 is a green light with green mist flowing off it.

Does the light have a source? Or is it just an etherial green ball of light?

SCP-2111 seems to enter all electronics that have a screen or camera, has the ability to make calls and/or accesses the internet or has moving parts on this. The light will begin to float approximately 13m in the air and begins to spin in a slow clock-wise motion as the mist enters the electronic and begins to use the functions i.e. internet, movable parts etc.

Seems like the mist should be a subdesignation, such as "SCP-2111-1".

From current research we can tell that this was originally meant to be the ultimate electronic testing machine due to us finding it in a electronics factors in █████, Ontario, Canada in the year 19██ and was managed to be contained in a small phone with no screen but cell service only for it to be shut off once contained and safely moved to its chamber at site 61.

First, "Ultimate" is iffy tone here. Perhaps "Next-generation" would be better. Second, whether or not the SCP is a "machine" is debatable, considering its physical properties. Third, that is horrible, horrible research, as there could be any number of reasons the SCP could be found in a machine shop, like "ghost of the prior owner of the shop". Fourth, if keeping it in a cell phone and turning the cell phone off is all that's required to keep it contained and not have it muck with anything, why not just keep it in that phone and toss it in a standard safe-class containment locker? Fifth, that is a run-on sentence.

Where as it was originally intended to test electronics it now uses them to destroy human life forms.

Unfounded assumption. Just because it was found in a nachine shop doesn't mean it was made to test electronic equipment.

Some cases include it taking a cell phone, calling the U.S. military and using █████ voice to attempt to launch nuclear bombs through the phone.

This is hilarious. Only the sitting US president can authorize the launch of nukes like this, and there's a specific means of communication to avoid this very scenario. Also, what branch of the US military?

It also attempts to do that when it has an internet connection and hacks multiple governments trying to bomb the factory the mist was originally made at.

This is also hilarious. Any government worth its weight would know to keep all of its bomb-delivering equipment on an internal network that cannot be hacked from the internet. As in, the internal network is not connected to the internet. Also, the mist now comes from a factory instead of the SCP itself? And I thought it attacked people, how is destroying a factiry killing people?

More severe cases include it entering a television on 27/10/19██ and sucking people into the screen to never be seen again.

How is this more severe than attempting to get the US military to initiate nuclear armageddon?

Unfortunately due to the subject's properties we have not been able to photograph it.

So how do we see it? You don't need to be within 15 meters to take pictures. Sounds like you're trying to excuse the lack of a photograph. Not all SCPs require one. Hell, I didn't put one on SCP-2207, even though that would've been laughibly trivial considering what it is. There's no reason for this to be here.

3. Subject is transferred to site 61, hacks driving systems and crashes truck. - 19██
4. Subject is safely contained in cell phone for transport unfortunately blowing up a small house in the process - 19██

You said it was safely put into its containment chamber. Crashing a truck and bliwing up a house doesn't qualify as "safely". Also, how was it able to crash a truck that was transporting it to Site-61 before it was put into a cell phone for transport to Site-61?

What I liked:

• I did enjoy the idea of the device trying to mimic the voice of a high ranking official to launch missiles at other countries. Idk, I found that part kinda creepy.

What I didn’t like:

• Using “L-4” instead of “Level-4.” I know it is small, but it felt like an unnecessary deviation from format.
• Measuring out the containment chamber. It is completely unnecessary, and you can just say something along the lines of “standard containment chamber.”
• The sentences are really awkward at times, and it feels like you didn’t proofread for grammatical mistakes.
• Lack of cynical tone. For example, don’t use “We”. Make it more detached than that(If you want I can go through and highlight sentences that don’t fit).
• To me, it feels like you are doing a lot more showing than telling for this skip. You might want to look at stuff like this to help with that.

Overall thoughts: This is basically just a s00ky light that can control electronics and wants to kill humans…Because reasons. It doesn’t have much substance than that. If you want this thing to survive in the main list you should try and flesh this thing out more and make it more than just a thing that kills you.

Sentence: Downvote

Suggestions for improvement:

• Read your draft out loud to yourself, or use a text to speach app like this one. That will help you catch grammatical errors, and make it sound more natural.
• If you're having trouble with the tone, try to find existing SCP’s(preferably within series three) that feature similar objects, and see how they describe the object. That might give you a better handle on the vocabulary of clinical tone.

Random ideas/questions to help develop your idea:

• Why is this thing out to kill humans? Was it one specific event? Maybe try and flesh out its motivations a bit better.
• What are the limits to this thing’s abilities? In general if you give it more limits, it can make it more interesting to see how the object works around the limitations to achieve its goals. Try looking up Sanderson’s second law of magic; I have found that it works very well for anomalous objects as well as general magic systems.

Under no circumstances, except during specified testing periods signified by a Level 4+

One- I think you mean signed. Secondly although I think this was already noted; A better line for 'Level 4+' will be signed by a personnel of at least level 4 clearance.

the compromised electronic shall be moved into a secure room fitting the first requirements and shall be cut in half with a extremely accurate laser, hereby letting it out of the electronic back into the room. Any less then a laser and SCP-2111's mist could be harmed.

• First thing-I'm maybe missing information here but why does it have to be cut in half? why not in thirds?
• I guess you mean than.

When in the chamber staff are required to wear aluminum lined, full body suits in case of any left over electronics. Any class Ds being tested are not required to wear the suits.

Okay so first of all you should write D-class, it sounds better. Secondly D-class are valuable, there is no reason to endanger them if the foundation doesn't get nothing from their death.

All tests done on subject SCP-2111 must be done by a Level 2+ unless they have specific permission of what they may and may not do from a Level 3+.

Same as my first comment, the '+' isn't very professional.

SCP-2111 seems to enter all electronics that have a screen or camera,

Why does it seem? Either it does or it does not.

From current research I can tell that this was originally meant to be the ultimate electronic testing machine

• I don't think an SCP should be written in a first person POV. A better line will be 'Current research suggests this was…'.
• Also as Dankaar said above the word 'ultimate' is out of place.

Where as it was originally intended to test electronics it now uses them to destroy human life forms.

Okaaaay. Now That's what I call a sudden change of heart. I think a lil explanation should be given here, why the hell does an 'ultimate electronic testing machine' suddenly begin to try and doom humanity?

More severe cases include it entering a television on 27/10/19█8 and sucking people into the screen to never be seen again.

This sounds like what a guy will say at the end of a spooky children story. A foundation scientist will (I think) say something more like; On 27/10/19█8 SCP- entered a television and somehow absorbed people into its screen (And even this doesn't sound very good, this 'case' simply does not sit nicely with me)

Unfortunately due to the fact that the subject is mist and light our cameras can not capture it for some reason that I'am still personally looking into.

(I'm). At first you wrote 'due to the fact… our cameras can not capture it' then you wrote 'for some reason that I'am personally looking into'. If it is 'due to the fact' then the reason is clear; It is 'due to the fact' no reason to look into it more.

Subject enters a TV, kills three. - 27/10/19█8

Three what? Three civilian? Three MTF operatives? You should clear this out

Subject is safely contained in cell phone for transport unfortunately blowing up a small house in the process - 19█9

Now how did he do this? You can't blow up a house with a cell phone (If you can, then please tell me how; it will be very ah… interesting)

Any less than a laser and SCP-2111's mist could be harmed.

what does this mean? and how?

staff are required to wear aluminum lined, full body suits in case of any left over electronics.

if the previous directive is followed, this one is uneccesary

at least level 2 clearance unless they have specific permission of what they may and may not do from a staff member with at least level 3 clearance.

youre kind of throwing clearance levels around all over the place, here, and they get kind of convoluted

does not harm in any way except give tingles in the region of test subject's chest

not exactly an objective description

coming together to form SCP-2111.

you dont need this bit (and i'd personally suggest switching which part is which)

i.e. internet, movable parts etc.

this part should probably be in parentheses

dead body's

bodies

and it came out as a living thing being forced to do work, almost as if it was a slave. Why it targets humans is a question we can't exactly answer but our best guess is it just has absolute hate towards its creator for creating it, a life form, and attempting to use it as a machine which he used against his creators and now want all humans to die just out of pure hate.

this part seems like a rather in depth story that you just sort of left out of the rest of the article and then shoved in here. theres no real reason given for these suppositions