A bit too melodramatic at points IMO.
Harrison T. Winchester III Journal Excerpts / Discussion
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I based much of this on historical "adventure logs", where melodrama is pretty common (even without having to deal with anomalous undead legions). The character is, in personality, a bit over the top.
As I said before, the most interesting/grabbing part of the piece IMO. Great deal of novelty in it (it's not something I've seen on the SCP wiki before) and it reminds me of Tony Last's expedition in A Handful of Dust (though he was quite a nice bloke)
(account deleted)Metaphysician, you never cease to amaze me with your writing.
Enthusiastic +1
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This is extremely melodramatic, with fatally stereotypical characterization, and falls short of the themes and ideas the article its attached for is going for. The only interesting bit is the shit-goes-down entry, and even though that is pretty cool its brought down by the generic-ness of everything else. I was hoping for something like a swashbuckling blackwood adventure but it didn't work out that way.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I am sorry to disappoint. Honestly, I didn't write a swashbuckling Blackwood adventure because the writer is certainly not Blackwood. I was aiming for something more ugly, based on 19th century expedition journals I've read (less than the adventure novels I've read) filled with justifications as if the author felt it necessary to lie to himself. I cut a large portion of this as well; some things that Vincent_Redgrave will touch on in a related tale.
I wasn't meaning like Blackwood as in being a similar character, I was saying this doesn't come close to the bar that set for this type of story. It feels incongruous with the ideas and themes in the main article.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I can't find a reference for this assertion yet, but it seems to me unlikely that in 1898 the phrase "beg the question" would be used incorrectly by Winchester (as it is here). The (mis)use is common enough today to overlook, were this presented as a modern journal; but I found the apparent anachronism disruptive to the flow and feel being crafted here.
I do dig the general flavor of the narrative. In fact, I think it could benefit from additional entries and buildup.
I'll fix that. And didn't want to cover *too* much with this, as there is an intended related tale in the future. I do try to avoid anachronisms (that aren't part of the anomaly) - are there any sources I could employ to avoid this in the future?
+1 for not trying to avoid the period-correct racist attitude of the character. And for entertaining me. Mostly that.
It's strange to me that this guy is an explorer but for some reason is obsessed with racial superiority, that stuff seems really forced. This really reads like 'what I imagine old-timey people wrote like' as opposed to what they actually wrote like.
During the Victorian Era (where this Tale is set), ideas of racial superiority (or simply that certain groups of people should be inherently more superior than others based on arbitrary factors) were relatively more common.
More common maybe, but I feel that the way you've tried to capture and include it here is really forced and unnecessary, particularly seeing as this is set just two years before the turn of the century.
It was super uncomfortable to write this but never wanted to whitewash the reality of the period. It is actually somewhat tame compared to some of the things I've read.
Here, to put the period and location into context:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atrocities_in_the_Congo_Free_State
/forum/t-1543366/harrison-t-winchester-iii-journal-excerpts#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
