Don't post full drafts in this forum, as per its rules. Please get yourself a sandbox and paste your code in there. Then link it to us here. You can edit this post again to include the link to your new sandbox. - Crayne
- We already have a SCP-808, which is "0808" if it followed a four-digit number system. The number is fine for a placeholder, but it will need to be changed to the number of the pre-existing empty slot you will put it in.
- We do not refer to the SCP by its title within the documentation. Some variatiom of "it" or its number is used, period.
- NASA has no immediate plans to land humans on the Moon, let alone a mission for lunar mining of helium-3. The suit can't be a 2016 model for lunar landings, because it already is 2016, and the first manned Orion mission isn't slated for 2021. Orion is, of course, the current NASA manned spaceflight program. Now, you could say it's a 2116 year model or later… but not 2016.
- You add uneccessary detail in your Procedures. The procedures should tell us how to contain it, and only that. We don't need to be told why the procedures are that way; it should be obvious in the description.
- Your tone is too casual. We use clinical. Do not use "we" when referring to the Foundation, do not use subjective terms (odd, seems to be, as if, etc.) unless it's a quote from someone. For better examples of correct tone, try reading current SCP articles (seriew 2 and 3, specifically), and see how those articles descrive their SCP.
- "Bremly Facility" is not a standard facility designation. "Site-##" or "Area-##" are standard designations.
Finally… you're going to need to do more than what you have right now, in terms of narrative. Right now, you just have a friendly empty spacesuit. So what? Why should we care?
A modern SCP is typically more than just about the object- most often, it tells a story, or the reactions, events, and circunstances to the fact it exists. SCP-1522 isn't just about a pair of sapient fishing trawlers, SCP-093 isn't just about a disk that makes portals in mirrors, and my own SCP-2207 isn't just about a knife what cuts through dimensions. All three use the format to tell a story.
You have your object. Now what is the story behind it? While you're thinking on that, read more Series II and III articles, see how the objects detailed in those articles are used, not just what they are. I'd also suggest you read SCP-912, as it is thematically similar to what you're trying to do here.
Where is the rough draft?
It was removed by Crayne because it was posted in the forums instead of linked from a sandbox. Dankaar evidently got here before it was removed, which is why he was able to give feedback.
You can also click the "Show More" link in the initial forum post (near the reply button) to see the edit history, which includes the draft.
Dankaar evidently got here before it was removed, which is why he was able to give feedback.
Nope. Dankaar actually commented at 15:30 on Feb 18, when the edit from Crayne was made at 00:17 on the same day, almost 15 hours prior. Timestamps!