MTF Tau-5 "Samsara" in action!
In general, I find this interesting. I find it interesting that your team has used a GoI from scratch (if I am to assume), though this particular report can involve any dangerous cult tied to any pantheon. I definitely enjoy the details behind the pseudo-scientific gadgets held by the MTF.
But, if there were flaws in this, I would say the length. The writing is of great detail, but by the time I was in Execution, I did not feel like I want to go through with it and just want to see how it turned out. There might be too much focus on the background, especially from the detailed elaboration of esoteric weaponry to a possibly brand new GoI (with a relatively run-of-the-mill basis/modus operandi).
The focal GOI is actually PL (which developed the SAMSARA technology and the other paratech). This other group is a secondary player in the overall story.
If I were to cut the length, any idea of where it should be cut?
Question: What is HUMINT asset, exactly?
Anyway, regarding the length, I believe Intelligence can be summarised. I understand there is a need to explain who's the target, but that GoI is not the focus of your group's. If we go the "on a need to know" basis, the Foundation would just tell them they are the target and be brief over the mission objective.
Also, regarding Concept of Operations, it feels rather harder to read out. We have the respective deadlines, but I find it hard to imagine them on a timeline. It feels like it stretches overnight, over the course of two days. May I suggest a table to better represent what needs to get done in the operation? It also has the additional benefit of not having walls of text and some variation in the type of content.
A human intelligence asset, aka a mole.
First things first - linebreaks between paragraphs, please! That would help readability immensely.
The appeal of this, for me, is in the format. Unsurprisingly, it reads very realistically. The story is very simple, although I can clearly imagine it from the description, even though the description is deliberately dry. So the key is in the presentation adding to immersion. And I would echo MrWrong's thought that at this stage the length and level of detail is undermining immersion slightly (even if it is more realistic!). Essentially you want the reader to get to the "Execution" section as quickly as possible, with everything before that mainly to establish the realism of the setting.
Summary - I'm pretty close to an upvote even in its current form. I think some sanding down of the edges, reducing realism to ease reading, will help its potential on the site.
Okay, massive revision:
- Supporting forces section is gone. Much of the rest simplified.
- The cult is gone, now it's some wizards in a house with unspecified relationships.
- The paratech description is moved to a collapsible as is the status of the SAMSARA troopers.
- Added an org chart as a collapsible.
ETA: My team liked the paratech where it was, so I put it back.
A significant improvement - much clearer and easier to read, and a lot of the narrative distractions are gone. I don't think the org chart is necessary (or particularly interesting to me) - if you keep it, check the spelling for "Sqaud".