Well, there are a lot of grammatical errors — too many to be pointed out individually. In particular, you have a lot of run-on sentences, like this one:
Contact with this object and its contents is strictly forbidden, any staff violating this rule are to be kept away from the site, if any subjects attempt to read the books within this object, they should be neutralized and should be kept under protective custody, if resisting and/or showing aggressive behavior, personnel are to use free-fire.
What you've got there is several complete sentences joined by commas, with no conjunctions. This is a problem throughout the text, and it makes reading very difficult.
- None of the uses of [DATA EXPUNGED] really make sense.
- I don't think O5 would get involved with something like this — the Site Director would be more than capable of making and enforcing such a decision.
- On a related note, that end letter isn't really necessary. You've already said in the containment procedures and the description that research has been suspended. The letter doesn't include new information.
- The D-class behavior is uniformly over the top. I get that they're all disturbed by the awfulness of their futures, but the screaming and maniacal laughter is just too much. Some of their lines sound way too much like one-liners from bad action movies ("CONSEQUENCE MY ASS, BITCH!").
- Are Foundation agents really just going to shoot the two D-class brothers? D-class are expendable, but they're not completely disposable. Sure, the one who read the book won't be any good for future research on other objects, but since D-class who read the book keep getting themselves killed, I think the Foundation would be interested in capturing one alive for interrogation.
- The two logs you have are basically the same thing twice — D-class reads book, gets mad, tries to kill everyone. You already said in the description that that's what always happens, and the logs don't really add new information. Is that really the only reaction anyone's ever going to have? Surely there are some D-class who become overwhelmed with despair instead.
Right now, I think you need to rethink the entire piece. I'm not sure the Foundation would even try testing this on D-class, since they'd know how important it was to keep D-class from knowing what horrible things are going to happen to them. Would they instead try to use the object's apparent knowledge of the future to their own advantage by, say, having a Site Director read it? Or would they try that, get a horrible result, and then decide to suspend testing?
I hope this was helpful to you.
