I fixed the link for you. Also took the liberty of implementing the correct standard image block on your sandbox. Remember to properly localize the image (and before that, make sure you have permission to use it to begin with).
Let's start off with minor things I saw on a quick 10-second skim:
- inches. Scientists use metric measurements, so you should be using cm.
- Generally, the number (#) numeration is generally used for extreme precision measurements that can be fatal if misinterpreted, like drug prescriptions. You don't need to do that when counting to a single-digit number.
- "Assyrian God, Pazuzu" no comma needed.
- "entering with in either" within is one word.
- "While in it's dormant state"/"enters it's active state" it's should only be used when you can replace the word with "it is"
- "Class A Amnesiac" correct term is "amnestic"
- Given that it only activates when someone enters an area of effect or stares at it, I'm pretty sure the item is Safe. Object class is based on difficulty of containment, not potential for danger.
- I really don't think the O5 need to be involved for this. Let a lab director handle it.
- Stuff like "It nearly triggered an XK-class catastrophy, we need to take it very seriously from now on." sounds silly. If it's serious, the reader should be able to figure that out without being need to be told bluntly THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dunno. It seems pretty simple, and a lot like a bunch of other SCPs we've got already, especially the generic "It's dark! It's dark. Is anybody there? I can't see. Oh god. Oh god"" dialogue and the use of redaction to take out what very might well have been the only interesting bits. I'm pretty sure we've already got something that produces sounds at dangerous levels (check the "acoustic" tag?), and the implied violence feels unnecessary. SCPs don't need to be dangerous to be successful.
I dunno. Why does this thing exist? What purpose does it have? What makes it different from any other standard dangerous artifact the Foundation's got locked up?
