Tab marked as "Pinnochideus 2.0" "Copywrite Infringement"
Mkay, I took a quick look. Comments made as I read.
- "given appropriate medical care for a dementia patient" can be better worded as "given medical care appropriate for a patient with dementia"
- "Level 3 or higher personnel" strikes me as kind of casual. Try "Personnel with Level-3 or higher clearance"
- I'm not entirely sure about the "Information erased by SCP-2439 will temporarily gain antimemetic properties, and thus will rapidly be forgotten by all individuals retaining such information." effect. Would people who have forgotten something be aware of forgetting it, as opposed to believing they never knew about it to begin with?
- "unaffected by its own effects" is a little clunky. Maybe "anomalous abilities" rather than "effects"?
- "periods where the entity has temporarily destroyed information and other entities are unable to recall such information" seems to imply other SCP objects, since the entity itself is an SCP object, as opposed to "individuals" or "personnel" or "test subjects"
- The "Addendum 1: Interview Log." could use some sort of transition or more-detailed lead-in to set up the scene. Even with the foreword, I wasn't really sure what the context of the interview (how do the interviewer and interviewee get along? Do they have a history?) was at the beginning of the log. Maybe also put the foreword information outside the log?
- The interview kind of struck me as a "allow me to explain everything" soapbox from the entity. As such, it felt unnecessarily blunt… maybe consider just putting that statement in the addenda without the fluff text from the interviewer?
- I didn't particularly like the last addendum. I think the note about SCP-XXXX being diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's had more impact than the "there's more of them" ending.
Overall, it's a charming idea, but I feel like it could be trimmed down a bit. Reminded me kind of the crack genie trapped in a coffee cup, who once served kings but is now far, far from that.
Edit: for the record, while reading the draft, I had no idea why it was called Pinnochideus.