I need feedback on my third SCP, please. I appreciate any critique you can offer.
Got a PM, gave this a quick skim. Comments made as I read:
Overall… it seems kind of lackluster. You've got some great images, but the setup and the information don't do them justice. I don't know much about how the apartments are set up, so the notes on the things wandering don't really mean too much to me. Also, I'm not sure why the containment requires that people live there (thought admittedly, I lost interest and stopped reading after a few entries in the second collapsible).
My main question is why. Why is this place populated with these entities, why does it kidnap other people, why are these entities in existence at all? Without some sort of hint into a "more to the story" earlier on, this seems like a generic haunted house approach with some general spooky things in it, and that's something the site has seen many, many times already.
What's the bigger story here?
Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this one.
Zyn's review sums up the problems with this one. There's no reason to understand why any of this happens. You state that interacting with an instance will transform you into an instance, but even in the story of the one agent, that doesn't happen. Furthermore, there's a general videogamey feel to the whole thing; these are non-hostile mobs who exhibit set pattern behaviors, which suggest that they aren't actually sentient beings, just… things that turn you into other things except not.
The part where the entities were present on the plot of land before building the complex makes no sense. If they're there, why would the apartment be built? Who would move in? Why wouldn't the plot be contained in the first place?
You don't need to include a backstory to make a successful SCP, but you need something to hold on to. SCP-2365 doesn't talk about how or why it occurs, but it maintains creep through a "where your eyes don't go" feel and its simplicity. Here, you've got lots of different monsters, lots of video evidence of their existence. That means there are lots of opportunities to question the lack of narrative, rhyme, or reason for the anomaly. We see too much for there to be nothing to infer.
I would cut back on the number of monsters and flesh each one out more; remove/modify the interaction restriction so that it can be shown and not told; and alter the history so that it makes sense that the building would be built with this objectively verifiable presence throughout.