delted post. no need for response
… there's so much wrong with the draft I'm not sure where to begin…
- Not Keter. We have it locked in a box and give it food, this is Euclid. Remember, Object class is based primarily on ease of containment, not danger.
- Grammar issues. Typically, while I belive SPAG1 issues should be the last thing to address, you should at least attempt to use proper grammar. Right now, you don't consistently capitalize the beginning if your sentences as well as proper pronouns (such as "I").
- Containment in the description. Simply put, if electricity can subdue it, why is that not mentioned in the Procedures?
- Non-sequitor description. If nobody has seen the SCPs umbrella long enough to describe it, how can we have an artist's rendering of it? In fact, how is it possible nobody has seen the umbrella after you imply that people have seen it by telling us how to disable the SCP when it starts swinging its umbrella?
- Improper Formatting. You haven't formatted your interview, test logs, and image correctly, or correctly called the addenda an "addendum". These are covered under the templates tab in How to Write an SCP
- Improper bolding. Outside of section headings, denoting speakers in an interview, or making a direct quote, bolding for emphasis is unprofessional.
(More to come)
thanks, first SCP, so I need some help. first draft anyways. i'll change some things up.
I wrote the umbrella thing last, so i'll just remove it. (forgot about it over a day.)
22:23. Should be a fair bit better now (fixed interview format. removed contradictions, fixed bolding, added Addendum instead of notes.)
… and since I wasn't done…
That's not everything, but still a bunch of it.
First, lurk more. No two ways about it, you've come at this SCP from multiple wrong angles that indicate that you haven't a good grasp on anything but the bare-bones basics of the site. I'd suggest you read the guides, especially the ones about data redaction and humanoid SCPs. You should also read up on the links under "Operational Information on SCPs" at the top of each series page.
Second, most modern SCPs aren't just reports on objects, but stories in the form of reports on objects. Your SCP is a stock Monster Manual entry. We don't care that your SCP exists so much as why it exists, and what it implies about the Foundationverse. I'd suggest you read more Series II and III articles to see what I'm talking about, and focus not on what the object is, but what happens over the course of the article.
Right now, your SCP is completely nonviable without major alterations.