Second draft for this SCP, I need all the criticism and help I can get!
Even harsh, angry criticism. Its fine with me.
- You forgot the link to your sandbox. I can't critique what I can't read!
- Bumping your thread is actively a bad idea because the forum critique team prioritizes threads with the least replies.
- Three hours is an absurdly short period of time to expect anything. Imagine that most people have lives and maybe check this forum once daily, or weekly, or even more infrequently.
The link to my sandbox is here: Parasitic Shadow
I was just saying that because I'm forgetful. I forgot when I posted it lol
Before I get to the review, two things:
- To amplify sirpudding, bumping a thread isn't just a bad idea, it's against the rules of this forum.
- You can edit posts to avoid spam by clicking "Options" under your post and then clicking "edit". This is likewise in the forum rules.
As for my review: My elevator pitch for this would be "A parasitic shadow that causes 'crazy-to-death' behavior". Based on your description and containment, it should be Keter (at least).
This is going to have a few issues with the general userbase.
- Many1 users dislike "crazy-to death" - by which I mean that this thing makes you crazy (Bipolar behavior) and then kills you.
- Your article starts from a Broken Masquerade standpoint - if the Foundation can evacuate and quarantine Chicago, it's not in the shadows anymore. This goes against most of the SCP articles I've read.2
- On a personal note, Class-Ds with sniper rifles is massively outside of my headcanon. I'd downvote this for that alone.
Thinking about it for a few minutes, I can actually lay out a capture/containment procedure that isn't so over-the-top.
- Get a D-Class infected.
- Bring that D-Class to a holding cell. In the holding cell is a mannequin.
- Terminate the D-Class in any of a variety of humane ways.
- Never open the door. Better yet, fill the cell with concrete.
By doing that, you go from Keter (your Containment setup is Keter) to Safe.
Fixing it up: My only suggestions right now are to figure out a way to tone down the containment to where it wouldn't blow the masquerade and to expand on how the thing chooses and jumps between hosts.
Other notes: Section headers (Object Class, Special Containment Procedures and Description) should be bolded.
There is a footnote that I almost didn't notice. It states that this Chicago is in an alternate universe.
If this is the case this parasite is only a part of the skip. Your actual skip would be the item, gateway, or what-have-you that allows us access to this alternate universe. In that case a good amount of rewrite would be needed.
On the bright side if you took away the 'crazy then kill' and made it a shadow species that adds itself to a living creatures shadow it would be nice. make it so the shadows can propagate with other shadows and give them a bit of mystery (like they only move among or split between certain living beings for some unknown reason. That might be a solid -1 for the article.