http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/multiscoop tab is 'SCP-WIP 2'.
Well, this is a long skip, so I'm gonna have the review box open the entire time.
… okay, not only am I not sure the two previous containment collapsibles are necessary, but putting what I understand to be a dead body in an iron box with no way for air to get out is a guaranteed bad time, just knowing how decomposition works. If it isn't a corpse, skip this.
Okay, so these are a lot of collapsibles that really don't add anything to this. Please, tell me more about what this does, tell me more about the history of the church, where this bell could have come from. How it's tied to the desk, because I have no idea how it's tied at all, they seem completely unrelated.
Scientific name for the eardrum is Tympanic Membrane, and I'm not sure it bleeds enough to kills somebody. Make them deaf, sure, but kill them?
Okay, the corrupted data was annoying. So was the data expunged. Why did you include those?
… so the corrupted text is part of the story? Uh…. that doesn't make for good storytelling. To me, it seems like unneccissary spooky.
I can tell you've put a lot of work into this, but it seems to have not made it onto the page. Skips are weird because they require you to tell a story in a certain format. That's what makes them harder, in my opinion, than tales. The story here is lost, and what is here feels unfocused.
Thanks for the feedback! I'm gonna re-write it with that in mind.
The part with people dying with eardrum rupture is not because the rupture itself killed them, but rather the sound was so loud that the vibration killed them, which is scientifically possible. For example, standing 20 feet away from a rocket launch will burst your eardrums and rattle your brain so violently you'd be dead in a second flat. The idea was that when the bell makes its 140 decibel noise (roughly equivalent to a jet engine from a few feet away), anybody standing too close is going to die or get seriously hurt.
The corrupted text is there because there is text in the page source… it'll help with the story. I'll try to make it more obvious that the reader should check the page source.
I will re-write it with your concerns in mind, and try to flesh out the background of it more. Thanks!