I think it's a cool concept man. Although, remove the 'sacrifices part.' Foundation is cruel not heartless. And maybe remove the part about it being athiest faith. If you're athiest it does nothing really. Try to remove any parts relating to religion to add more of a mystery maybe. Like, it's a mysterious black figure, what does it mean?
Although, remove the 'sacrifices part.' Foundation is cruel not heartless.
Given that the sacrifices mention is a strikethrough-ed word and the containment is very vague on what that entails anyway, the author can keep the "sacrifices" part if it seems reasonable. The "cold but not cruel" catchphrase doesn't really apply as much if something like a couple logs of wood or a bug or two are "sacrificed" to keep a thing in containment.
And maybe remove the part about it being athiest faith. If you're athiest it does nothing really.
Not necessarily. It might be an important narrative point; also, there's no guarantee that atheists won't be interested in an SCP object that is atheist.
Try to remove any parts relating to religion to add more of a mystery maybe.
This doesn't really make sense. Removal of a key part of the narrative to create "mystery" would probably just leave the reader confused, leading them to be less interested in the piece.
Like, it's a mysterious black figure, what does it mean?
This is vague and unhelpful. Are you asking the author to explain the symbolism of the object? How will expanding that contribute to the quality of the piece?
Given that this is not the first time I've needed to address problematic feedback from you, please refrain from giving any further reviews in the forums until you've written a successful SCP yourself.
Author, this will need a lot of work, and it's definitely not up to site standards. Detailed feedback incoming.
First off: main issue, pretty much all the cross-outs are effectively irrelevant information, and not professionally-written to boot. The piece almost seems like a joke article, given how radically different the crossed-out text is from what was apparently put in its place. Also, some people believe that since the Foundation uses digital records, and would have just replaced the old info instead of crossing out the old stuff, that cross-outs wouldn't be used anyway. All that said, I'm not going to mention the cross-outs at all, since my perspective on them is basically "take them all out".
Anyway, comments made as I read.
Overall… if you really want this to work, you're going to have to put in a lot of effort to fix it up. The writing isn't up to site expectations (remember, you're shooting for Advanced Placement English level here) and the concept is something that might have done okay maybe 6+ years ago, but it's really what the community is looking for now.
I recommend reading this essay on common SCP pitfalls to get an idea of what elements to avoid putting in an SCP article before you try looking at this again. Humanoids are actually one of the most difficult things to write on the site successfully; if you're really set on writing one, then take a look at the humanoid writing guide.