Welcome to our first attempt at practising some critique - hopefully we can make this useful. If you're wondering what this is about, please head to this thread for more information. Even if you haven't commented there, feel free to join in here.
For our starting point, I've picked a draft located here which Harold Walkmen has kindly agreed to let us use. Go, have a read - I'll be here when you get back.
I'd like to start this out in a fairly controlled way. One of the important things when providing comments for the site is working out what is the most important / valuable feedback you can give, so that you concentrate the message on that front. So, if you're commenting, please limit your comments to the following:
1) Describe (in 40 words or fewer) the biggest issue with the draft.
2) Briefly suggest a potential solution to that issue.
And can I suggest that more experienced authors hang back a little, to give less experienced a chance to experiment first?
We'll get into more detail after that, but I'd like to start with essentials.