Hi! I have not been very active on the SCP wiki for about a year now but I figured I would come back! In the past I had written two SCPs which both had failed but I am going for a third and help would be very much appreciated. This one is based of the concept of my second SCP but highly revamped. Any sort of advice would be welcomed! Also I can't really think of a name for the SCP, I thought "Suicidal Lemming" but I thought that was kind of tacky. Any suggestions for that too would be great. Thanks!
Hey there! So, I wanna get my nitpicks out of the way first.
Okay, onto some real talk. I like this. It's succinct, simple to get, and straight to the point. Although, it is to a fault, in my opinion. The way you've outlined and written the piece, I feel myself waiting for a final punch, and not really getting one. You have the set-up, the ba-dum-bum without a satisfying tshh.
The idea, I don't want to say lacks originality, but it's extremely in-your-face almost the entire time. When something is that apparent, I kind of expected a little turn-around. If you gave the lemming some sort of alternate ability, or maybe just an unexpected circumstance in the final addendum, you could really liven this up.
All in all, I'd say you need quite a bit more to it. You mention the deaths, then state why it's Euclid, and it leaves me wanting. Try to think less about the effects, and more on the rise and fall of the article.
Thanks for the feedback! Already took a lot of that advice and fixed it. I am still thinking of just revamping a lot of the incidents and class stuff, I also have this on Reddit so I am getting a lot of feedback there, and I am still not 100% sure what kind of final direction I want the SCP to go in at this point, because you know I get the lack of the punch line bit, and the Safe Euclid thing is bit repetitive or obvious. Any other further suggestions would be great, thanks!
Oops meant to put this as a reply to DrStranger.
That's cool. Yeah, I saw it on Reddit, and reminded me that I hadn't been on for awhile. Glad I could help.
PS you should really [options]> your replies instead of double-posting…
I like it, not a lot to say that hasn't already been said. For me, the addendum provides a sufficient punch to round off the article and provoke later thought.
A more simple solution instead of cushioning the nearest cliff would be simply building a 20m ramp into a pool, but that's only a minuscule issue.
Thanks! Also for the ramp part, it might void the effects of the lemming because it interrupts the fall before subjects gain lucidity, unless it is put under 10 meters but still. Also the pool is a good idea and probably a lot more safe.