All comments and ratings appreciated. If I did not appreciate your comment/rating, you can call me out on it.
…Is this supposed to be a joke article? Between the strange item class, the effectively non-existent containment procedures (which ares supposed to be instructions on how to keep the thing contained), the extremely unprofessional tone (with recurring errors like "sandwhich's" which should be "sandwiches"), and the "D-Class" collapsible, this really doesn't seem like a mainsite work.
If it's meant to be a joke article, it's not really funny because it just seems like "some jerk" with an unusually specific M.O. described in overly casual tone. If it's not meant to be a joke article, maybe read over this essay on common SCP pitfalls to get an idea of what elements to avoid putting in a mainsite piece.
Also, since I'm a sandbox admin, I went and fixed your rating module coding.
Have you taken any high-school level writing classes, by the way? You have a lot of simple errors that make it difficult to read the piece smoothly.