Hello there everyone, below you will find my first SCP Entity write up, the Murder House. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. If anyone could leave feedback or corrections to be made I would greatly appreciate it.
Okay, giving you a quick skim.
- Some people will downvote for the Safe Euclid class.
- "100x100x300 metre structure made of 5 metre thick metal" --> This is absolutely ridiculous. For one, what happens if the structure is half a meter off? If nothing terrible will happen, there's no need to require specifics. Furthermore, why do the walls need to be five meters thick? All that amounts to an insane amount of metal, none of which seems to be doing anything that a perimeter and a team of guards can't do more efficiently.
- "every Monday at 12:30pm" probably could use a timezone.
- "SCP-XXXX-1 should be given a clear path to SCP-XXXX if separated" --> if separated from what? Are you talking about instances of SCP-XXXX-1?
- "can be harmed through use firearms, but cannot be rendered unconscious, whereas SCP-XXXX can have harpoons, nets and weighted chains to hold it in place" --> all of this kind of comes out of nowhere. Why harpoons specifically? Also, "through use of".
- There are a lot of phrasing, tone, and syntax issues with this, so I'm just going to discuss concept from here on. Also, if it is essentially what it looks like, you don't need to say the thing "appears" as something because otherwise the reader thinks you're implying that it's something entirely different from what it looks like.
- Miles are not metric measurements.
I kind of stopped reading about a paragraph into the description. Your clinical writing will need a ton of work if you want the article to sound like it's written by a professional scientist; currently, what you have has a lot of basic errors (scientists write out numbers that are less than 10, would not use scare quotes because they would know the correct terminology, and don't unnecessarily capitalize).
The idea itself seems kind of boring, since I'm pretty sure we've already got at least two murder mystery SCP articles out there, one of which I think was a featured article. I feel like if you really wanted this to work, you should make it a tale. The casual language makes it really hard to take seriously as a scientific document, but that can be excused if it's someone's on-the-go field notes.
That said, have you taken any high school level writing classes? The kind of quality you're aiming for here is AP English level.