I, uh… really don't think this would be good as a multi-part tale series. From the very beginning, you spend too much time mentioning how great these characters are, and the whole
He was assigned to Ex-Agent Dr. Rignaros, Site19's best medical professional.
bit is kind of ridiculous.
- Why on earth would a new personnel member be assigned to an "ex-agent"?
- The overlap of skillsets between field agent and medical doctor isn't much. It doesn't really make sense for a field agent to suddenly become a doctor, let alone the "best medical professional". It takes years of education and training and often residency to become a medical doctor.
- Site-19 is widely-accepted as the largest site the Foundation has. A lot of people are probably going to downvote immediately if your self-insert is given such a lofty position right off the bat.
- "Site19" is the chatroom. "Site-19" is how it'd be worded correctly in a tale.
- Why is the "best medical professional" even supervising this new dude anyway?
- Why is a medical doctor supervising a microbiology researcher?
- Why was this guy "assigned" to someone, rather than a lab or a group or more than one person since the higher-ups have no reason to be so cozy with a new recruit who has everything to prove and nothing to show yet?
At this point, I feel like I can't take this tale seriously enough to comment on spelling and grammar. As I mentioned before, it really doesn't seem like a professional environment going on—everyone in the tale reads like elementary schoolers.