Thank you - very helpful stuff, will incorporate all of your suggestions.
Regarding the "incidents," you are right.. it's a bit ambiguous. It's because Addendums A and B were originally going to be labeled "Incidents" A and B, but I decided to use the log format so the "Incident" label no longer really worked - I will update this for clarity.
'Incidences' is the plural of incidence— the frequency of something happening.
'Incidents' is the plural of incident— an occurrence.
What you had written in your draft was the first, which I now think was a typo.
The way it is now talks about 'incidents', instead of 'incidences'. That, I think, is now correct.
Yes - you're correct… I was incorporating your edits when I noticed that I had typed the wrong word for "Incidents". I didn't even realize that was the basis of your comment until I re-read what you wrote.
That's what I get for writing at 3am. Thanks for pointing it out!
How long should I await feedback before official submittal? (please excuse my newbity)
However long you want. Or short. It's more or less up to the discretion of the writer. You'll have to judge for yourself. Has it passed the final revisions stage? Are you satisfied with it? Do others have anything else to say about it?
While I'm at it, let me tell you my thoughts.
In my opinion, the idea feels gimmicky. I can see the initial "pen can only write the truth" and then the creepy "makes you tell the truth in a violent way". It is an interesting touch, but it's just the "people going crazy" cliche. The big fridge-logic reveal is that the extremely guilty secret this doctor had was telling her daughter some lie about Santa Claus, then blue ink.
The only thing I have ever said that even remotely resembles a lie would be telling my kid about Santa Claus - but of course, that doesn’t even count.
Which was spoiled by this weirdly specific sentence. (By the way, if you revise any of this, get rid of this sentence.)
In the end, I didn't really feel creeped out or fascinated, and the plot this article conveys feels a bit…thin. You're putting all your eggs in a fridge-logic ending, but it doesn't come across as creepy or cool, just, ironic, I guess.
Anyway, take this critique with a grain of salt. The writing level itself is standard(with a few minor mistakes here and there), and you did get the idea across nicely. You just have to work on the idea and content.
Thank you for the feedback. I agree when the researcher first mentions Santa Claus it's a bit clunky.
I knew I wanted to use an innocuous white lie with the perversion of a trusted childhood tradition, but I had a a hard time fitting it into the researchers log naturally, and without giving away too-obvious foreshadowing.
I know it still needs work, but I can't quite figure out how to fix it.
Any suggestions regarding this fix would be greatly appreciated ☺