Please critique my SCP draft, which has been dubbed Hot Stuff.
First of all, a few things about formal, scientific writing (I know it's not fun, but it was the part of Biology I was good at). I don't recommend using contractions, but the rest of these are just suggestions and may feel a bit 'nit picky.' "Once every subject has sat down at SCP-XXXX…" Sat down would probably sound better. "and will be accompanied by loud voice, of which the origin is again unknown" Can be condensed into "and will be accompanied by a loud voice of unknown origin." "This voice will start off by saying;" It may be better to go with "Transcription is as follows" and you can put in a cool little box. You can find the code for that on the "how to write an scp" guide probably, if not look me up on the sandbox and crack open mine, I know I have the box on there somewhere. "The voice will begin to express how happy it is to watch the losing subjects die, saying things like" again, this sounds very informal. "Our condolences go out to the friends and family of those who were lost in this tragedy. They will be missed." would not be included in a scientific style writing.
All in all, the idea isn't the greatest. It seems like a generic thing that kills you and I can't find a story in here. SCP articles, even with their weird and wonderful format, still tell a story. Whether it be in how the object was recovered, to why it does what it does, they all have a story and a thing that makes them memorable. Find that.