I started writing this draft a while back from an idea I got after genetics class, and I was wondering if the idea was interesting enough to form into an SCP. Constructive feedback very much appreciated! This is my first foray into writing an SCP, so please don't hesitate to nitpick at anything that looks off, whether it be the formatting, the tone or even the entire concept at large.
Standard Warning: I am neither staff nor a particularly long-standing member. You might want to get a second opinion before acting on any advice I might offer.
OK then -
As a whole it's a bit dry. Very clinical (which is a good thing!) but it didn't make me respond emotionally too much. There's already magic cancer on the site (see this search for cancer - HERE) and there's already plenty of stuff that isn't normally sentient which somehow is. I haven't seen something exactly like this before but I've seen most of the parts somewhere else on the site.
I think you spent too much time explaining what it is and how it grows and so forth. That could be trimmed back.
What you've done that is really interesting is the bit towards the end where the object reveals it remembers its previous hosts and the idea of a biological memory drive. Maybe develop that more. What's it like for this object? What's its view of history? What does it want?
Not at all bad as a starting point. Some work required to get it site-ready.
Thanks for taking the time to read my first shot at an SCP! I really appreciate it.
I agree that it's a bit dry, which is probably my fault since I've written almost no fiction since high school. I'll try to spice the article up a little bit. I understand that the concept of a sentient tumour might have already been done, but I decided to write this article anyway because it was just in the back of my mind and I figured it'd be good writing practice. But hey, if you think it can be polished up enough to be site-ready, then that's a pretty sweet compliment!
I've done a couple of revisions and added some information concerning its memory abilities, but I'm not sure how much more I can put in before it gets long and tedious to read outside of writing, say, a testing log or another interview transcript. Any other feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Let's have another look at this.
Seems to me that the biggest issues are too much information which sounds clever but doesn't add much to the story and not enough story.
This is what I think can be cut:
Now, as for the missing story - the only character you've got so far is the cancer. That can work, but only if you make that character interesting, vivid, compelling. So far its happy to just sit in several cells and wait. Give it a moivation, a personality, a unique viewpoint, an agenda. Does it want to stay in the Foundation's custody? If not then how can it try to escape. If so then what's it hiding from?
If you only have one character then it can't be passive. It has to be doing something, even if it's not obvious. A character like this would play the long game. It'd be patient. It'd be a plotter, a schemer.
Tell us a story!